Ex husband says "will walk away"

[arenas0]

Originally Posted by bxlefty23

thats not nessasarily true
when my parents got divorced my dad paid child support on his own
my dumb ***** mom wanted to stick it to him (her parents were loaded) and spend almost 40k (in the early 1990s) on lawyers and got less per month from him than he was initially paying

Does he appear to be a trustworthy man who placed his family's interest above his own? NO. A lawyer would be able to tell her how much she would be entitled to based on income and assests. Whether it's more or less than what he's suggesting doesn't matter, it should be on the record. Side deals just don't cut it.

[SKB]

Sounds like an affair to me (classic symptoms) so "aliens" have taken over his thinking process.

I am dreadfully sorry for you, there is help out there:

Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice

Steps to Recover from an affair/infidelity in marriage

[GLS]

Originally Posted by SKB

Sounds like an affair to me (classic symptoms) so "aliens" have taken over his thinking process.

If it's an affair, it's not "aliens". The cardiac physiology of men is such that we cannot get enough blood flow to both the brain and our "nether regions" at the same time. If one works, the other doesn't.

[Alan B 718]

you get 1500 a month for 1 kid, you're about to get at least 2000 a month for 1 more kid and 2000 a month for 4 years of marriage.
Girl, you married well.

Anyways, without any specific details of family finances, the california state calculator on child support with a NCP making 170k and a CP making nothing at all (keep in mind a judge may count how much you USED to make, or may count in your current CP payments, which may skew the results downward) does come out to about 2000 a month give or take a couple of bucks..

Alimony is a funny and subjective thing so i cant comment on whether the 2000 a month alimony for a little 4 yr marriage is fair offer or not. I will assume that its way more than a fair offer, but i've no idea of how bad spousal support is in california, tho i hear plenty of horror stories.

You've already got 1 kid and a payment, so i assume you know that child support is not taxable, but you may not know that alimony is. In addition, while child support is finite (or supposed to be), alimony can last forever. You can usually word the divorce decree to something thats more beneficial to either yourself or both parties, depending on how amicable the split is. Obviously the NCP (husband) will want the lions share of $$ to go to alimony, as he can get a write off, and you will want it all to go to child support as basically thats tax free money in the bank.

My guess is that since you've been able to save over 100k to plop on a house, that you're at least very well employable, or that you're very good at saving your child support payments from the first kid and making hubby#2 pay for everything. Since its a pretty close line between what he's offering, and what the courts would generally impose, if you push too hard that can work against you in court. Alot depends on the judge.

In the end, follow the age old advice, of "get a lawyer before he does". the only other thing i can think of where you might get royally screwed, is if there is even a slightly remote miniscule chance that the baby isnt his, you better stay married till you pop out Jr. There's a specific reason that he's pushing for a divorce before the baby arrives.

Unfortunately for your hubby, he's having his guilty feelings which is your invitation to bend him over and show him no mercy. From the numbers you mentioned, what he is offering as far as support appears to be more than fair, but the actual division of property may land you immediate cash depending on whats been socked away.

Like everyone else suggests, please speak to a lawyer. If you dont have the $$, dont worry.. the courts will make your hubby pay for it.

While i detest seeing guys dragged through the one-sided divorce/child support court, your child didnt ask for any of this.

p.s sorry i didnt answer any of your realestate questions. i have no experience there at all.

[HDL]

So far I've read all kinds of advice from people - some good and some not so good I'm afraid . Hopefully whatever advice I give will be in the GOOD and HELPFUL category ! That is my intent at least !

I am very familiar with Northern CA and don't know of any homes in SF that have gone down in value by half, so I will 'assume' that you are in an outlying city 'like' Brentwood (one of the so-called foreclosure epicenters or so I've been told) . So if values are really close to half what you paid (or even just less than your current mortgage), the chances should be slim-to-none than your husband can refinance without bringing $$$ to the table. That is 'unless' he's somehow able to find a dishonest lender and that's always a possibility .

This is where some confusion comes in for me . If I am to understand you correctly, the home is worth ~ $400K, but you're mortgage on it is ~ $600K??! Why would you or he want to continue to throw out good money in this situation . Is it because you believe that the market will come back and go higher than $700K???! Or just for credit purposes? If I am understanding your situation correctly, it appears that you could BOTH buy a home now and have almost the same mortgage amount as you do with one home !!!

So here is my advice:

Forums are great, but family and friends are better IMHO. Surround yourself with them and ask for their support during this very difficult time.

Take some time to reflect on your past choices so that you learn from them and make better choices in the future . You will have 2 children very soon and they should take top priority over all else.

Ask around for a lawyer referral from friends and family members. Going to the yellow pages is not really the best method to find a good one.

If the marriage is really over (I don't notice any regret per se on your part), do your best to split amicably. There is no need for both parties to behave badly.

Even though this is not how you hoped things would turn out, your situation is far from hopeless . Financially it appears you will have a nice cushion from CS (even though the Bay Area is very expensive) and you can rebound from this and possibly be even better.

For me personally, faith in God, prayer, and meditating on all God has done for me, has gotten me through some of the my greatest trials in life and divorce is one of them . I will be praying for you and the decisions you will need to be making and also your upcoming delivery !

Blessings and hugs,

~HDL~

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

Originally Posted by GLS

If it's an affair, it's not "aliens". The cardiac physiology of men is such that we cannot get enough blood flow to both the brain and our "nether regions" at the same time. If one works, the other doesn't.

Clearly !

Its good that you realize it.

[jwb123]

Uh, assuming this is a truthful situation, please don't turn to a message board for this type of advice. You seem like you have a head on your shoulders so use it to pick up the phone book and look in the lawyer section.

[Stace08]

You are equally mad at the bank and your soon to be ex?

One was business the other personal.

I don't see any equal blame here.

What the husband did is shameful and unforgivable.

As bad a taste as it leaves in my mouth I have to say what the bank did was strictly "business".

Direct that anger where it belongs and use it to do right by yourself and your children.

Godspeed~

[Buckhead_Broker]

Darlin' you go find you the best damned attorney you can get. Ask your friends, if any have been through a divorce, who they used. I hate to say it, but your soon-to-be ex husband sounds like an a$$hole! A young wife, young child and one on the way. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions. Get an attorney's advice before your husband does anything with the house - it may affect you! Best of luck to you. Keep your chin up.