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Old 09-15-2011, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Crooklyn, New York
27,611 posts, read 24,793,924 times
Reputation: 11185

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I have quite a few:

"The sound of your **** hitting the toilet sounds feminine. If I were a lion, and you were a tuna, I'd go out of my food chain to eat you. And then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend!"

-The Other Guys

"OK, first off: a lion, swimming in the ocean? Lions don’t like water. If you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that makes sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot wave, I’m assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full grown 800 pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends, you lose that battle, you lose that battle 9 times out of 10. We will construct a system of breathing apparati. We may not have days, maybe hours. We will hunt you down and corner your pride and then WE...WILL...HAVE OURSELVES...A....TASTE...OF...LION!!! We've communicated and you know what we've said. We've said 'Lion tastes good!' You've been outgunned and outmanned! Bet you didn't see it going down like that, did ya?"

-The Other Guys

"I know you're feeling down, Rick. But look, one time, I got kicked in the balls by a mule. My balls hurt so bad I thought they'd never stop hurting. But then the next week, my mama died! Then I couldn't even think about my balls hurting. Do you see what I'm getting at?"

-Major League 2

"If you're going to ask someone if you can ask them a question, you need to give them time to respond, unless the question is rhetorical, in which case the answer is obvious - 'Yes.'"

-Ocean's 12

"I see the future in this crowd. I see a successful businessman (looks at white kid). I see a physicist (looks at Asian kid). I see a famous rapper! (looks at black kid)."

-Ben Stiller as "Tony Pervis" in Heavyweights

"Excuse me, sir. Could I trouble you for a warm glass of milk?"
"You could trouble me for a warm glass of SHUT THE HELL UP!"

-Ben Stiller in Happy Gilmore

"Your answer was completely and absolutely wrong. That did not make any sense whatsoever. We are all now dumber as a result of listening to it."

-Billy Madison

"And these villagers picked me up and hoisted me atop their shoulders. I think they believed I was God. And for a moment there, so did I."

-Zach in the Wedding Crashers

"Guys, I don't need this stress. I've got this job and I'm working a second job at Bed Bath & Beyond so I can put my kid through NYU so he can explore his sexuality and become a DJ."

-Michael Keaton in The Other Guys

"I'm a peacock, captain! You gotta let me fly!!!!!"

-The Other Guys

Last edited by BajanYankee; 09-15-2011 at 11:40 AM..
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Old 09-15-2011, 12:40 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,034 posts, read 3,729,970 times
Reputation: 1346
It is kind of silly, but one of my favorite lines of all times is:

Dan Ackroyd, "Where do these stairs go?"
Bill Murray, "They go up."

-Ghostbusters
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Old 09-15-2011, 01:03 PM
 
861 posts, read 1,057,895 times
Reputation: 782
FRIDAY AFTER NEXT- I gotta **** Like a Russian race horse at the Kentucky Derby with a Glue truck behind it!

THE PLAYER'S CLUB- Whats that smell? It smell like badussy...booty d**k and pu**y!

NEXT FRIDAY- Baby Dee sell dope, babysit, and do hair out the same house. Police don't know when to kick the door in!
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Old 09-15-2011, 01:51 PM
 
3,552 posts, read 5,377,950 times
Reputation: 3448
"The sheriff is a nigg*KLANG!!!!*"

"What did he say?"

"He says the sheriff is near!!"
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Old 09-15-2011, 05:53 PM
 
Location: Atlanta
668 posts, read 786,450 times
Reputation: 594

Does your dog bite? - YouTube
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Old 09-16-2011, 04:13 AM
 
14 posts, read 13,171 times
Reputation: 22
Very nice post thanks for sharing it.
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Old 09-16-2011, 08:49 AM
 
3,090 posts, read 856,017 times
Reputation: 847
In Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid...when they are going to jump off the cliff into the river....Redford is afraid to jump , says he can"t swim, Newman says... Don't worry, the fall alone will probably kill ya!
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Old 09-17-2011, 04:14 PM
 
8,218 posts, read 8,498,682 times
Reputation: 10182
I don't know how old you are, or how much of a range of movies you've seen, but most of the best lines would probably be prior to 1990. Don't confuse crude with funny.
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Old 09-17-2011, 06:10 PM
 
Location: NC, USA
7,088 posts, read 12,698,087 times
Reputation: 3975
Quote:
Originally Posted by Res Ipso View Post
I suppose Blazing Saddles could have most of them, actually....

"Dock that ***** a day's pay for nappin' on the job!"
Dang!!! Either "Life of Brian" or "Search for the Holy Grail" are both just filled with great "one liners". It boggles what is left of my mind to contemplate.
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Old 09-18-2011, 02:51 AM
 
Location: Phoenix
2,075 posts, read 1,773,603 times
Reputation: 946
The predator in predator 2 when his arm is about
to be cut off by the hero. He looks up and says
"Sh-t Happens"
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