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Old 03-01-2012, 06:16 PM
 
Location: Missouri, USA
5,671 posts, read 4,324,270 times
Reputation: 2610

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Hi. My name is Urk. I am the last surviving Neanderthal. How is this possible? Because I ate my vegetables, that's why.

Yes, most of my kind went to the great beyond before thirty thousand years ago. I ate their vegetables too. Apple a day...I do swear by those words.

I don't remember everything. It's been quite awhile, and I do have my senior moments (Yesterday was my 40,000th birthday.) But I'll try to answer any questions your steadily devolving species has.

Nice job on the oncoming mass extinction, by the way. Real impressive. My folks were up in Europe and Asia for a solid 200,000 years, and do you know how many mass extinctions we caused? Not many...zero, if you'd like an exact figure.

Anyway, does anyone have any questions about my kind before your species finds some way to destroy yourselves? May I suggest a hydrogen bomb war? That'd be quick.
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Old 03-02-2012, 08:34 AM
 
7,372 posts, read 14,622,468 times
Reputation: 7045
Is it true you hit your women over the head with a club and then drag them into the cave for a night of loving?
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Missouri, USA
5,671 posts, read 4,324,270 times
Reputation: 2610
Not that I remember...although it's possible that your species made that up upon seeing us. Africans were widely through to be an inferior species by many caucasians based on cultural differences. (They're not...slightly different like all races...but not by much). We, on the other hand, had genuine biological differences. We had larger brains that you. LARGER brains than you primitive, skinny little twig-people. I have regularly wondered why, during a strong breeze, you aren't blown away like blades of grass. I assume it's because you're too slender for the wind to catch you. You are quick little buggers...I'll give you that though. Brain size may not mean anything though. We may well have been dumber in several ways than you people...and we certainly weren't as preocupied with abstract concepts.

But yes, definitely according to our looks, and maybe according to our actions, we did appear more brutish. We were powerful and barrel-chested. Our average Joe was tough as one of your athletes. We had thick bones...thick brow ridges...big noses to keep us recieving plenty of oxygen during distance activities...and we had very good senses of smell...all things your kind associates with brutishness. Who knows? Maybe we're responsible for the significance behind that terminology. We couldn't compose the range of vocal sounds that Homo-sapiens can either...an additional factor that may have made us appear brutish.

We were a practical society though. For instance...the practice some Homo sapiens have of burying their dead with so many valuable materials that could be used by the living may have confused us greatly. We did bury our dead, and there may have been ceremonial aspects to it, including arranging the body as if it is sleeping, however. We would not have beaten our wives over the head because that would not have been...wise long term thinking.

One factor not associated with brutishness, however, is that we may have been SLOWER to mature. We were born with the same size brains as you folks...but they grew to be larger than yours as we aged.
Neanderthal Brain Size at Birth Sheds Light on Human Evolution – News Watch

You people do tend to pop out like pez and shoot up like weeds.

I'll get the sources for the above information in awhile. Senior moments. I'm forced, frequently, to rely on what Homo-sapien researchers say.

Also...we may well have been the first humans to bury our dead...BEFORE YOU! GHAHAHAHAHHA!!

As far as, should our wives (if we had wives...senior moments again) we would not have beaten over the head could have been Homo-sapiens is concerned, and whether or not we would have been able to have children with them...the concensus seems to change every few seconds. Some sources say we couldn't and some sources say we did. I don't remember having any wierd-looking, skinny babies though, personally.

Also, though your tools were fancier...they may not have been better than ours. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7582912.stm
You got us beat on projectile weapons though.

Last edited by Clintone; 03-02-2012 at 10:11 AM..
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Old 03-02-2012, 10:13 AM
 
Location: God's Gift to Mankind for flying anything
5,921 posts, read 13,780,883 times
Reputation: 5229
Hi Urk,
Nice to meet you again.
Glad to finally hear from you.
Your Family is Famous !!!
Saw your family picture in the Natural Museum of History.
I think you are the second from the right, no ?
We lived two caves away from you, moved away to the next hill about 9000 years ago.
The neighbourhood was getting too rowdy, and some weird illegals moving in !!

Regards from

Grunt.
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Old 03-02-2012, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Huntington Beach, CA
5,888 posts, read 12,936,319 times
Reputation: 3973
You can listen to a Neanderthal by tuning into: Home - Rush Limbaugh - The Rush Limbaugh Show
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Old 03-02-2012, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Texas
5,068 posts, read 10,096,020 times
Reputation: 1650
Rush! What a jerk. Once upon a time I liked the guy. Now he is a nobody. Now if he would only croak...
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Old 03-02-2012, 08:02 PM
 
15,913 posts, read 20,113,661 times
Reputation: 7693
How can this be Clintone that you are the only one left?

We see a few Neanderthal's in those commercials on TV...
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Old 03-02-2012, 09:20 PM
 
Location: Bel Air, California
23,771 posts, read 28,844,022 times
Reputation: 37326
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clintone View Post
Hi. My name is Urk. I am the last surviving Neanderthal. How is this possible? Because I ate my vegetables, that's why.

Yes, most of my kind went to the great beyond before thirty thousand years ago. I ate their vegetables too. Apple a day...I do swear by those words.

I don't remember everything. It's been quite awhile, and I do have my senior moments (Yesterday was my 40,000th birthday.) But I'll try to answer any questions your steadily devolving species has.

Nice job on the oncoming mass extinction, by the way. Real impressive. My folks were up in Europe and Asia for a solid 200,000 years, and do you know how many mass extinctions we caused? Not many...zero, if you'd like an exact figure.

Anyway, does anyone have any questions about my kind before your species finds some way to destroy yourselves? May I suggest a hydrogen bomb war? That'd be quick.
OK Urk (if that's your real name), have you heard this one before?

Neanderthal man walks into a cave with a pterodactyl on his shoulder.
Neanderthal woman said "Where did you find that ugly thing?"
And the pterodactyl replied "I won him in a raffle."

Ha Ha Ha Ha, get it!? ..... no I don't suppose you do, do ya?
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Old 03-03-2012, 03:49 PM
 
32,516 posts, read 36,985,292 times
Reputation: 32571
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clintone View Post
Hi. My name is Urk. I am the last surviving Neanderthal.
Good news!

You are NOT the last surviving Neanderthal.

There are bunches of you posting on POC.
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Old 03-05-2012, 10:30 PM
 
1,635 posts, read 1,942,023 times
Reputation: 2617
Quack-a-Doodle...............................
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