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Hi. My name is Urk. I am the last surviving Neanderthal. How is this possible? Because I ate my vegetables, that's why.
Yes, most of my kind went to the great beyond before thirty thousand years ago. I ate their vegetables too. Apple a day...I do swear by those words.
I don't remember everything. It's been quite awhile, and I do have my senior moments (Yesterday was my 40,000th birthday.) But I'll try to answer any questions your steadily devolving species has.
Nice job on the oncoming mass extinction, by the way. Real impressive. My folks were up in Europe and Asia for a solid 200,000 years, and do you know how many mass extinctions we caused? Not many...zero, if you'd like an exact figure.
Anyway, does anyone have any questions about my kind before your species finds some way to destroy yourselves? May I suggest a hydrogen bomb war? That'd be quick.
Not that I remember...although it's possible that your species made that up upon seeing us. Africans were widely through to be an inferior species by many caucasians based on cultural differences. (They're not...slightly different like all races...but not by much). We, on the other hand, had genuine biological differences. We had larger brains that you. LARGER brains than you primitive, skinny little twig-people. I have regularly wondered why, during a strong breeze, you aren't blown away like blades of grass. I assume it's because you're too slender for the wind to catch you. You are quick little buggers...I'll give you that though. Brain size may not mean anything though. We may well have been dumber in several ways than you people...and we certainly weren't as preocupied with abstract concepts.
But yes, definitely according to our looks, and maybe according to our actions, we did appear more brutish. We were powerful and barrel-chested. Our average Joe was tough as one of your athletes. We had thick bones...thick brow ridges...big noses to keep us recieving plenty of oxygen during distance activities...and we had very good senses of smell...all things your kind associates with brutishness. Who knows? Maybe we're responsible for the significance behind that terminology. We couldn't compose the range of vocal sounds that Homo-sapiens can either...an additional factor that may have made us appear brutish.
We were a practical society though. For instance...the practice some Homo sapiens have of burying their dead with so many valuable materials that could be used by the living may have confused us greatly. We did bury our dead, and there may have been ceremonial aspects to it, including arranging the body as if it is sleeping, however. We would not have beaten our wives over the head because that would not have been...wise long term thinking.
You people do tend to pop out like pez and shoot up like weeds.
I'll get the sources for the above information in awhile. Senior moments. I'm forced, frequently, to rely on what Homo-sapien researchers say.
Also...we may well have been the first humans to bury our dead...BEFORE YOU! GHAHAHAHAHHA!!
As far as, should our wives (if we had wives...senior moments again) we would not have beaten over the head could have been Homo-sapiens is concerned, and whether or not we would have been able to have children with them...the concensus seems to change every few seconds. Some sources say we couldn't and some sources say we did. I don't remember having any wierd-looking, skinny babies though, personally.
Location: God's Gift to Mankind for flying anything
5,921 posts, read 13,780,883 times
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Hi Urk,
Nice to meet you again.
Glad to finally hear from you.
Your Family is Famous !!!
Saw your family picture in the Natural Museum of History.
I think you are the second from the right, no ?
We lived two caves away from you, moved away to the next hill about 9000 years ago.
The neighbourhood was getting too rowdy, and some weird illegals moving in !!
Hi. My name is Urk. I am the last surviving Neanderthal. How is this possible? Because I ate my vegetables, that's why.
Yes, most of my kind went to the great beyond before thirty thousand years ago. I ate their vegetables too. Apple a day...I do swear by those words.
I don't remember everything. It's been quite awhile, and I do have my senior moments (Yesterday was my 40,000th birthday.) But I'll try to answer any questions your steadily devolving species has.
Nice job on the oncoming mass extinction, by the way. Real impressive. My folks were up in Europe and Asia for a solid 200,000 years, and do you know how many mass extinctions we caused? Not many...zero, if you'd like an exact figure.
Anyway, does anyone have any questions about my kind before your species finds some way to destroy yourselves? May I suggest a hydrogen bomb war? That'd be quick.
OK Urk (if that's your real name), have you heard this one before?
Neanderthal man walks into a cave with a pterodactyl on his shoulder.
Neanderthal woman said "Where did you find that ugly thing?"
And the pterodactyl replied "I won him in a raffle."
Ha Ha Ha Ha, get it!? ..... no I don't suppose you do, do ya?
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