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Just wondering what you all think of this observation....
We moved back to NH after a career in the military. We lived on base for many of those assignments in a neighborhood with tightly packed houses. My son made many friends there and would play in the neighborhood for hours on end during the summer and on weekends. We'd have kids over at our house and my son would visit other friend's houses. While I'm glad to be back home, I've noticed that it's incredibly hard to set up times for my son to play with other kids, either at their house or mine.
I knew that being in a more rural area would make things harder - can't just have my son walk down the street a few hundred feet and visit with friends. I figured I'd have to set up times for me to take him to a friends house or vice versa. But I've found it difficult to set up anything with my son's friend's parents. Kids are scheduled for an endless array of structured activities, i.e. sports, clubs, whatever. They seem to have no free time, or parents do not want to cart their kids around for some unstructured play time. Everything these kids have to do seems to be structured. I am not used to this, and think that a balance is healthy. I have him in Cub Scouts and some after-school enrichment activities.
My son has not been very happy here and is frustrated that he just can't play with his friends like he used to. He's incredibly social and outgoing.
Is this the norm for suburban/rural NH? Can kids not just play at each other's houses or yards anymore?
I believe "kids with tightly scheduled lives" is the situation everywhere, especially in suburbia. Perhaps it was just that army bases were slower on the uptake than the rest of middle class America?
My husband and I were talking about getting a playground structure for your backyard. I told him that any time I drive around and see all those structures in other people's yards, I NEVER see any kids playing on it. Never!
We homeschool and I don't work, so I am out and about during any and all kinds of hours, we are not that rural and I still don't see it.
I do see lots of toddlers at Griffin and Benson parks and I see kids skateboarding in Griffin, though.
Our neighbor's kids are in 1st and 2nd grade. They get home at 3.30pm and 4pm. And they take piano and do some sport, I have no clue when they have time to breath
It's getting to the point that my kid would rather be in North Dakota where he had friends to play with. Some of it was the secure, safe neighborhood and some of it was the closeness of the military community. I fear we'll never have that again.
This is a pretty common refrain from people who move to rural areas or even suburban subdivisions with larger lots. The simple fact is if you want your children to play with other children then move to a location where children are in close proximity.
I live on a suburban street where the house lots are all 10,000 - 15,000 square feet in size. My neighbor's house is only 30 feet from mine. Would I like a little more "elbow room"? Sure! Would I give up the fact that my twin boys and the other neighborhood children have grown up together in a close-knit neighborhood? Never!
My sons and their friends will be going off to college in the fall but there are always kids playing basketball, throwing a frisbee or playing catch in my yard or the neighbors.
My son has not been very happy here and is frustrated that he just can't play with his friends like he used to. He's incredibly social and outgoing.
It takes time to form new social patterns. In an ideal situation, your son would meet new friends through shared school and extra curricular activities AND... at least one of them would live within walking distance. Additionally, you and/or your wife would get along great with that new friend's parents.
It just takes time. Plus, if you had the time, perhaps you could volunteer to be a Cub Scout leader and host events at your house. You could try to make your house the cool, go-to house for the kids to hang out at... rather than your son waiting for an invitation to someone else's home.
Your question/observation makes me nervous! We are getting ready to move from TX to the Seacoast and I'm worried about that very same thing. We currently live in a great neighborhood with lots of kids. My son is involved in lots of sports/activities but when he's home, he's outside playing. Worried we may not find the same thing or something even similar. I'll be watching your thread to see how it turns out for you, good luck!
Wow.. I really have no answer to this since I do not have kids myself, but it did bring up my own memories about being one in Manchester. We were for the most part raised not only by our parents but by our neighbors. We floated around everywhere, back yards, down the street. Played hockey, street ball..had a blast, got to be kids..is it really that structured and militarized these days? If so I am glad I grew up when I did.
Wow.. I really have no answer to this since I do not have kids myself, but it did bring up my own memories about being one in Manchester. We were for the most part raised not only by our parents but by our neighbors. We floated around everywhere, back yards, down the street. Played hockey, street ball..had a blast, got to be kids..is it really that structured and militarized these days? If so I am glad I grew up when I did.
What you describe is what it was like living on the military base. Roving bands of kids playing in the neighborhood with all the parents watching out for each other. I didn't expect anything like that here in the country, but I also didn't expect a fight getting kids lined up to play with each other either.
He has lots of friends at school, and even made friends with a kid we met at the lake this summer (he's not shy at all), but trying to get together with them is like pulling teeth.
I'm all for a certain level of structured, organized social activities, but I also am a strong believer that kids need unstructured play time to grow on their own and figure things out.
If this is the way things are these days, so be it. We'll do more structured stuff. I've got to get him doing something other than Cub Scouts. He'll play Little League this year again, and some more after-school activities. I find this whole thing kind of sad. Hopefully it gets better.
SteveUSAF and CrazyDave, I remember childhood the same way -- I grew up on military bases and there was never a shortage of kids. My stepdad was in the enlisted ranks (i.e. not an officer), which meant even more kids in a smaller area since enlisted housing was a lot smaller. There were ALWAYS kids around, playing outside, getting into silly arguments that they'd forget 2 minutes later, etc.! And there was very, very little structured time. (In high school I was a cheerleader and managed the varsity baseball team, but those activities are the only ones I remember as being "structured.")
SteveUSAF, it may very well be your particular neighborhood, if the houses are that far apart. In my neighborhood, on my side of my street, the houses are pretty far apart (my neighbors on either side are 200-300 feet away, I think), but the rest of the neighborhood is a bit closer together -- I think most of the other lots are .50 to .75 acre. There are lots of kids in the neighborhood and in the spring, summer, and early fall I can often hear them playing outside. (It's a very nice sound, and I say that as someone who never had kids myself!)
How old is your son? I feel bad for him, it must be quite a change from where you were. You may very well end up having to "enroll" him in more structured things. It's too bad, though.
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Not specifically a New Hampshire trend.
