NH life celebration funeral dress code (fit in, 2013, how much)

[Apapermaker]

Question,


I was tonight at this event remembering a local, recently deceased. Turned out I was the only one wearing black. I "felt out of place," as in my third year, now more at ease, I'm starting to realize that the born and bred sometimes seem to do things in ways that are different to what I am used to. I guess that it's a free country, but maybe the "norm," here, if any, is more for the "nice but informal?" That's how people dress for the church I normally attend, but then I visited another this Sunday, deeper in the countryside, where men wore suit and tie.


Any opinions? I guess I must keep observing, if I'm trying to adapt...

[abnfdc]

IME, it is a 100% event by event thing based upon expectation of those who would attend that individual's funeral. Yeah, that's a poor way to put it, but note the folks likely to be invited to the event and think of what they'll likely wear.

The area tends to be a bit less rigid than some southern states with a 'you must wear XYZ to ZYX event' mantra.

I wore somewhat business casual attire with kuhl pants to both my grandparent's funerals in MA. Other attendee wore a nice blue suit, but other than that the fanciest thing was a blue blazer. *I did ask before I traveled what the expectations were.

When I lived in Alaska, we had a term for dress at some events--"Alaska Casual". Dress nice, but also for the weather.

Never worry about overdressing for an event. IME, it shows you respect the event you are attending.

[masssachoicetts]

Black to funerals has waned considerably and is now widely considered to be 'sad' when you should be celebrating someone's life. I just went to two funerals and most people had Blues/Dark Reds/Pasty colors on.

Don't worry about over dressing!

[Apapermaker]

Thank you, friends!



Responses to the point, and useful and practical.


Both points, excellent, how dressing up clearly shows respect, and also how some people may prefer colors, for a "celebration of life."



I do tend to overdress, sometimes totally on purpose for the local theater troupe presentations, where I feel the added flash is my contribution to the celebration (I have several very nice and fancy shirts from exotic places, but no, no sequins ), and indeed, some people have commented on those, and seem to appreciate - which I try to balance other times with the purported "gray" of New England tradition when going to, for example, town council meetings.


Indeed, I do come from a culture with "more formal" expectations, I speak funny, and nowhere in the world has people ever said, "you're from here," except once, one single instance in my life, so I'm mostly at peace with not being like everybody else here either, that's the way of things. It gets a bit complicated when my wife follows my sartorial choices, as I don't want her embarrassed, but, all told, we are so happy and at peace here, that this kind of "fitting in" is just a nothing.



Thank you again!


(3 inches of very wet snow today. It's coming!)

[yinduffy]

My wife and I went to a Christmas party on Thursday, Dec.14. I was the only person out of about 50 that wore a tie. One or two men wore jackets without neckties and none of the women wore jewelry or evening gowns. True, it was a pot-luck affair held in the local Senior activity center, but women used to look forward to the chance to dress up.

[Paul E Wannacracker]

Originally Posted by yinduffy

My wife and I went to a Christmas party on Thursday, Dec.14. I was the only person out of about 50 that wore a tie. One or two men wore jackets without neckties and none of the women wore jewelry or evening gowns. True, it was a pot-luck affair held in the local Senior activity center, but women used to look forward to the chance to dress up.

That was then, this is now. Almost no one dresses up anymore for any occasion.
It's been decades since I've worn a tie, have no desire to wear one ever again.

[Hemlock140]

When it's called a "Life Celebration" or similar, it's intentionally meant not to be a funeral. I have unfortunately had several in the last two years, for close relatives including a sister, stepfather, mother, and aunt. No one wore black to any of them, there were tears now and then but they were mostly just people sharing fun and happy stories about the deceased, then sharing food. I did wear a coat and tie this summer for the first time in about 12 years for my youngest kid's wedding, but after the actual ceremony lost the tie and coat for the reception. Those will sit in my closet probably for another 10 years when I won't fit in them and will have to buy again.

[Threestep2]

Originally Posted by yinduffy

My wife and I went to a Christmas party on Thursday, Dec.14. I was the only person out of about 50 that wore a tie. One or two men wore jackets without neckties and none of the women wore jewelry or evening gowns. True, it was a pot-luck affair held in the local Senior activity center, but women used to look forward to the chance to dress up.

Evening gown to a potluck?

[grlwthprl]

Sartorial standards in this country are a mess. There IS a protocol for dressing. Black for funerals. It's a sorrow when someone dies, no matter how much one wants to "celebrate." My husband and I received a wedding invitation recently that stated "formal" for the dress code We were the only ones there in a long dress and tux. Just more dumbing down of America.

[Seguinite]

Originally Posted by grlwthprl

Sartorial standards in this country are a mess. There IS a protocol for dressing. Black for funerals. It's a sorrow when someone dies, no matter how much one wants to "celebrate." My husband and I received a wedding invitation recently that stated "formal" for the dress code We were the only ones there in a long dress and tux. Just more dumbing down of America.

There WAS a protocol for dressing. A whole lot of regular folks just aren't dressing up anymore... even for funerals. I kept a good suit for many years just for weddings and funerals. Last worn in 2013, probably 30 pounds ago.