Getting to Know Neighbors in NH (Hollis: vacation home, neighborhood, school)

[BF66389]

All, I need some advice on something. My wife and I moved into our home in June. Since then our interaction with neighbors has been limited to the following:

- 1 neighbor from down the street a little ways came by to get her dog when he came to visit for a second time and we talked for a few minutes, but they aren't really a close neighbor.

- Neighbor who lives behind us (we can't see their house, it's thousands of feet back) stopped to see if we were the new residents/had any teenage kids when we first were moving stuff in. She indicated the "area" was very close and everyone wanted to know who was moving in.

- Neighbor across the street/down a house or two gave my wife a quick ride when we lost our dog (I was sprinting, she gave my wife a 15 second ride to catch up to me...very nice of her).

That's it... in past areas neighbors would usually "catch us" to introduce themselves if we were mutually outside/walking the dog, etc. Should my wife and I drop by the neighbor's homes with cookies this winter, or perhaps invite everyone to a barbecue next spring?

Or should I just wait and keep looking friendly/receptive?

I'm not sure what is acceptable here; I'm not looking for friends (I mean its welcome of course)- but if a neighbor needs help clearing their driveway or needs to borrow my chainsaw...I want them to at least know they can come by and ask or something.

[jthibodeau]

Your on the right track, BF. I know it takes time. The offer of items such as Christmas cookies or other holiday treats are a good ice breaker. And, that offer to help clean the driveway or walk is always appreciated. Asking the advice of your neighbors, (even if you already know the answer) will show them you care about their opinion and trust their values.

Go slow with your approach and speak not of those unspeakable subjects (such as Religion, politics and sex) until your sure of whom your speaking to. Too often people could be put off by opinions they do not share and make incorrect judgments with little information.

Most of all, be a good neighbor and the rest will come by itself.

[seamusnh]

Host a little holiday gathering in early December...

[buck naked]

a bbq or a small party is an excellent idea - everyone's schedules are so busy, that a quick hello is usually all you'll get anymore

just the fact that you've met some neighbors already is a plus - I never met the neighbor on the left at all in the 4 years they lived there.... they worked nights, I think. They moved in August so it's a moot point.


you're definitely on the right track. I would not just drop in with cookies. A lot of people don't like company unless they call first.

[BF66389]

Haha...thanks for the reassurance. I don't plan on sharing my religious/political beliefs or sex life with the neighbors anytime soon! We'll probably just have a barbecue in the spring and let everyone know by a simple letter. I make some great ribs.

[lisa g]

We've got to have the nicest neighbors. They have called before anticipated storms to offer in advance to plow , offer us their veggies - a steady stream of them, and we have exchanged yummy holiday treats. My daughter helps my neighbor w/her barn duties once in awhile.
One important point JThibodeau made was asking their advice on things even if you already know the answer. While this sort of patronization is ingenuous, it really seems to be common for many to combine ego w/good intention. As in, you'll be suprised by a neighbor's good will, but will have to take a dose of "this is the only right way to do xyz" or "that is the wrong tool for the job - but I have one you could use" It's harmless (if not entertaining in its own right), and as long as you have the patience for it, the good far outweighs having to endure it. Other long time friends of ours who live nearby hosted a bbq about a month after we moved in last year & invited a bunch more neighbors to meet us. It's been nice to recognize people and the friendly greetings are refreshing coming from 7 yrs in the same house w/neighbors who only drove into their garage and auto-closed the garage door behind them including kids terrified to even say hi.

[newhampshiregirl]

This is a really good question, BF. I've lived in NH my whole life and think of myself as darn friendly, and I've always bristled a little bit when people describe New Englanders/New Hampshirites as unfriendly. I've lived in my current neighborhood for nearly 25 years. Mine is a rural neighborhood with steep hills, no sidewalks, and homes are on at least 1 or 2+ acres and most homes are set back from the road. So, the geography of my neighborhood doesn't invite people into the street. There aren't many who are out walking or biking and you can't necessarily see if the neighbors are out in their yard or on their porch or deck. Combine that with today's busy work and kid schedules, and I think it makes getting to know your neighbors more challenging than ever. BF, your story is all too familiar to me. The only reason I met three of my neighbors is because their dogs kept hanging out in our yard (which drove our dog crazy). The only reason I met our directly across the street neighbor is because I hit their dog with my car as it was running into the street. Of course, now they hate me and my family

I guess I don't have any advice for you other than to continue being as friendly as you can.

[leggo]

"Or should I just wait and keep looking friendly/receptive?"

You will be waiting a loooonggg time.

I am a life long New Englander and moved 7 years ago to NH. We moved from living in VT for 12 years and lived in a friendly neighborhood. Well after 7 years of looking friendly / receptive I have maybe two acquaintenances. The wife has not fared as well as I have. We tried the neighbor thing/ the invite to dinner/ meeting our kids friends parents/ attending local churches / joining a local golf course. Nothing, nada, zip.

Bloom where you are planted I tried telling my wife for the first 5 years.

We both threw in the towel - we don't even try anymore.

We got so fed up that last year we spent a week traveling the Southeast and bought a vacation home on a golf course in South Carolina. When we are down there we go over to our neighbors for dinner and drinks, go out shopping with them, out to eat, use their pool and hottub, play golf with the guys. My wife talks to one of the gals almost every week. We are talking about taking a cruise out of Charleston with one of the couples. They all watch my house, and even one couple has keys and checks on the house for us. All this in a matter of a couple vacation trips.

I think it is the weather, I really do. In the NE we have such a lack of daylight, cold harsh temperatures that lock us in our houses for months on end, that people just turn inward I think. Then "summer" comes and we frantically try to pack EVERYTHING into 2.5 months - it just can't be done.

Anyways - 20 months and 2 days (but who is counting) the youngest graduates highschool and the Mrs. and I are selling it all, packing up and heading to SC.

Even the license plates say "Smiling Faces Beautiful Places"


I like your attitude though - keep it positive. Good luck, I really feel for you and hope it works out.

Regards
Leggo

[nocturnal rooster]

Dunno any neighbors. Would rather not. I keep to myself and that's why I moved up here....because others don't have a problem with people being withdrawn and quiet. However, if someone knocks on my door and brings a kegger then they are a friend in my book.

[BF66389]

Lisa- you know its funny. My wife and I have already met 6 very friendly people from Hollis but none are really our neighbors. One I met on this board (you), another sells me power equipment, another sells us furniture/offers awesome "neat things about Hollis" tips, another is a friend of a friend, one works with my wife, and another works with me indirectly.

I think everyone is friendly, it's just the initial "awkward introduction" that's the issue.

Nocturnal- you see, that's your personality/desire; and its cool. But I still would at least make the offer to try my awesome barbecue.

Leggo- the good news is I don't think they are that bad. I lived in SW VA for awhile (college), then northern VA...visited GA and SC frequently (love Charleston- congratulations) and folks do tend to be more initially friendly. That said they also talk the heck out of you when you aren't around (good or bad...just know if one person knows something- so does everyone else)

Oh well, we've only been here since June. I'll just keep being nice and see what happens!