Moving to Dover, NH, from NYC -- need advice (Manchester: apartment, rental market)

[Zaetah]

My husband and I are relocating to Dover, NH, from Brooklyn, NY, at the end of the month, and I've got nerves like you wouldn't believe. We just went to pick up the keys to our new place and stayed in town for a few days. Whoa. The noise from Kelley's bar was horrendous last Friday night. The kids streaming into the street, screaming at the top of their lungs, didn't help. I'ved lived in Manhattan/Brooklyn for 10 years, and I've never heard noise like that before. I'll be honest — it freaked me out.

Otherwise, the town is very nice, and the people are super friendly. I guess the real reason I'm on this board is because I had some interesting interactions with the "townsfolk" and need some advice. Everywhere we went, people kept saying, "This is good" or "Be sure to check that out," etc, etc.... "But you seem more like educated folks, so maybe it won't be your thing." (Huh?)

This happened several times over a few days. I'm not exactly a NASA scientist looking for a town full of Rhodes Scholars (just a city girl with a bachelor's degree). But even so, this had me worried. While I like and appreciate nice, hardworking people with hearts of gold (I grew up in a working class town in Pennsylvania, so I know the type), I'd like to think that, in addition, we could also meet a few friends with somewhat sophisticated views on life, who might enjoy talking about art, travel, food, wine, etc...

I don't get it. There's a great museum here, a university nearby, a culinary academy, plenty of holistic resources, historic architecture, and a charming shopping district. We really like this town — and yet, people kept telling us "you seem like you'd be into classier stuff, so this or that may not be your thing." This comment just kept coming at us again and again.

If you know or live in Dover, could you weigh in on your thoughts about the town? I have my first impressions — most of which is pretty good, believe it or not — but I'd really love to hear an insider's perspective. (Or where we can go to meet like-minded friends, if there is such a place.)

I know Portsmouth is just 15 minutes away, and we could always just head there, as it seems to have a fair amount of fine dining establishments and urbane people. But if we're living in Dover, that's where I'd prefer to spend my money, to support my local businesses.

Sorry for the long post. As you can tell, there's been a lot on my mind. Any help or insight you can provide would be so greatly appreciated.

[rscalzo]

Didn't anyone tell you that the Univ. of new hampshire is right there? Dover is one of the mosre popular hangouts for them.

[GregW]

Some new Hampshireites have unfounded expectations of people from the Big City. Other than the brats at the bar they are just trying to be friendly.

[Verseau]

Yeah, I think it's just typical New Hampshirite behavior to expect that city people are much more sophisticated than us, and to downplay our own cultural offerings. Frankly, NH is much more artistically-focused and cosmopolitan than most rural areas in this country, IMO.

[Valerie C]

Hi Zaetah

Congrats on your relo Hopefully you got a chance to check out the area that you chose to live and it's away from the bars. The college kids from UNH are in full spring-fever mode (ah youth...) I didn't attend UNH-Durham, but from what I understand, student housing is in short supply, and many students live off campus in Dover, Somersworth, etc. Spring has sprung and you happened to visit on the Friday night of the first warm wather week since last summer. In a few short weeks, many will be graduating, others heading home for the summer. Things should quiet down for you soon

Regarding the well-meaning townspeople's advice... did this happen with just one or two people, or everyone that you had conversations with? You might not realize it, but you could be coming across as somewhat condensending in your conversations:

("This happened several times over a few days. I'm not exactly a NASA scientist looking for a town full of Rhodes Scholars (just a city girl with a bachelor's degree). But even so, this had me worried. While I like and appreciate nice, hardworking people with hearts of gold (I grew up in a working class town in Pennsylvania, so I know the type), I'd like to think that, in addition, we could also meet a few friends with somewhat sophisticated views on life, who might enjoy talking about art, travel, food, wine, etc...") (the red font phrases could come across as patronizingly superior...)

Let's face it, nothing in New Hampshire is going to compare to the plethora of culture, fashion, ethnic eats & nightlife choices to be found in NYC. I must ask--what drew you to Dover instead of Portsmouth? I would think that Portsmouth would offer more of the like-minded people and activities you might be more comfortable with.

I've worked with more than a few potential relocation folks who ultimately decided that New Hampshire was a great place to visit for a month in summer, or to see on a calendar, but the more laid-back lifestyle simply wasn't for them. Part of why I recommend renting for a year before buying--this area just is NOT for everyone...

Zaetah, my advice would be to slow down and remember that you've chosen to live in a family-oriented and what some might consider to be a working-class town. Sure, there are bits of culture to be found. Consider them little gifts, and go on about your life. What New Hampshire lacks in "culture" she makes up for in spectacular natural beauty, and a huge abundance of things to do outdoors, in all seasons. Cruise out to the islands, take in a whale watch. Climb Mount Washington (even if it's in a car!) Take a cruise on the MS Mount Washington (just don't go during Bike Week!) And if you find that Portsmouth has what you crave, I would suggest taking that 15 minute drive as often as you need to

Originally Posted by Zaetah

My husband and I are relocating to Dover, NH, from Brooklyn, NY, at the end of the month, and I've got nerves like you wouldn't believe. We just went to pick up the keys to our new place and stayed in town for a few days. Whoa. The noise from Kelley's bar was horrendous last Friday night. The kids streaming into the street, screaming at the top of their lungs, didn't help. I'ved lived in Manhattan/Brooklyn for 10 years, and I've never heard noise like that before. I'll be honest — it freaked me out.

Otherwise, the town is very nice, and the people are super friendly. I guess the real reason I'm on this board is because I had some interesting interactions with the "townsfolk" and need some advice. Everywhere we went, people kept saying, "This is good" or "Be sure to check that out," etc, etc.... "But you seem more like educated folks, so maybe it won't be your thing." (Huh?)

This happened several times over a few days. I'm not exactly a NASA scientist looking for a town full of Rhodes Scholars (just a city girl with a bachelor's degree). But even so, this had me worried. While I like and appreciate nice, hardworking people with hearts of gold (I grew up in a working class town in Pennsylvania, so I know the type), I'd like to think that, in addition, we could also meet a few friends with somewhat sophisticated views on life, who might enjoy talking about art, travel, food, wine, etc...

I don't get it. There's a great museum here, a university nearby, a culinary academy, plenty of holistic resources, historic architecture, and a charming shopping district. We really like this town — and yet, people kept telling us "you seem like you'd be into classier stuff, so this or that may not be your thing." This comment just kept coming at us again and again.

If you know or live in Dover, could you weigh in on your thoughts about the town? I have my first impressions — most of which is pretty good, believe it or not — but I'd really love to hear an insider's perspective. (Or where we can go to meet like-minded friends, if there is such a place.)

I know Portsmouth is just 15 minutes away, and we could always just head there, as it seems to have a fair amount of fine dining establishments and urbane people. But if we're living in Dover, that's where I'd prefer to spend my money, to support my local businesses.

Sorry for the long post. As you can tell, there's been a lot on my mind. Any help or insight you can provide would be so greatly appreciated.

[JViello]

Originally Posted by Valerie C

Hi Zaetah

Congrats on your relo Hopefully you got a chance to check out the area that you chose to live and it's away from the bars. The college kids from UNH are in full spring-fever mode (ah youth...) I didn't attend UNH-Durham, but from what I understand, student housing is in short supply, and many students live off campus in Dover, Somersworth, etc. Spring has sprung and you happened to visit on the Friday night of the first warm wather week since last summer. In a few short weeks, many will be graduating, others heading home for the summer. Things should quiet down for you soon

Regarding the well-meaning townspeople's advice... did this happen with just one or two people, or everyone that you had conversations with? You might not realize it, but you could be coming across as somewhat condensending in your conversations:

("This happened several times over a few days. I'm not exactly a NASA scientist looking for a town full of Rhodes Scholars (just a city girl with a bachelor's degree). But even so, this had me worried. While I like and appreciate nice, hardworking people with hearts of gold (I grew up in a working class town in Pennsylvania, so I know the type), I'd like to think that, in addition, we could also meet a few friends with somewhat sophisticated views on life, who might enjoy talking about art, travel, food, wine, etc...") (the red font phrases could come across as patronizingly superior...)

Let's face it, nothing in New Hampshire is going to compare to the plethora of culture, fashion, ethnic eats & nightlife choices to be found in NYC. I must ask--what drew you to Dover instead of Portsmouth? I would think that Portsmouth would offer more of the like-minded people and activities you might be more comfortable with.

I've worked with more than a few potential relocation folks who ultimately decided that New Hampshire was a great place to visit for a month in summer, or to see on a calendar, but the more laid-back lifestyle simply wasn't for them. Part of why I recommend renting for a year before buying--this area just is NOT for everyone...

Zaetah, my advice would be to slow down and remember that you've chosen to live in a family-oriented and what some might consider to be a working-class town. Sure, there are bits of culture to be found. Consider them little gifts, and go on about your life. What New Hampshire lacks in "culture" she makes up for in spectacular natural beauty, and a huge abundance of things to do outdoors, in all seasons. Cruise out to the islands, take in a whale watch. Climb Mount Washington (even if it's in a car!) Take a cruise on the MS Mount Washington (just don't go during Bike Week!) And if you find that Portsmouth has what you crave, I would suggest taking that 15 minute drive as often as you need to

The very same thoughts came to my mind as you wrote. Well said.

This is my take on Dover:

Two Thumbs Up On Visit To The Seacoast Area

[Zaetah]

Hi. Thanks for your replies, everyone.

Valerie C, I understand your point completely, and I can see how that could come across as condescending. First, thank you for being so tactful , yet honest about pointing that out. Second, just to be clear, I definitely didn't run around town saying that. I did, however, want to be completely truthful here in the forums so I could get the most valid and authentic advice and insights. But I do realize that it can read that way in a messageboard post, so I apologize if I offended anyone. I'm just not sure how else I could've expressed it. (I tried. I wrote and rewrote that several times, and it just kept coming across as "overly hoity toity, snobbish prattle" <--- my husband's phrase. Finally, I gave up and just posted it.) I guess I was hoping that, in a whole town full of people, we could meet at least a few others interested in cultural pursuits. I don't know — Is that considered snobby?

For better or worse, I don't expect NH (or anywhere else, for that matter) to be the same as NYC; that would just be foolish. But I do agree with Verseau about it being much more artistically inclined than most rural areas in the country, so maybe my expectations were off (?). I don't know. I think the people's comments just really threw me. (Yeah, it happened quite a few times.)

Totally agree about renting for a year before buying. That's exactly what we're doing, to try things on before committing permanently.

Oh, to answer your question about Portsmouth, my husband and I fell in love with it, but had trouble finding a decent rental that was in our price range. (We're trying to scale down, to save money for a baby in a year or so.) There wasn't much in the rental market, and what we did find in our budget there was not in the best shape. We found a beautiful apartment in Dover, though, which was what had us check out the town to begin with.

The first few visits were great, and like I said, the people were so nice and friendly. The downtown is lovely, and I was heartened when I saw the Indian and Thai restaurants, as well as the Dover Wine Shop. (By the way, the Indian restaurant has the best shrimp masala I've ever had, in any city. I was shocked that the place was so empty, considering how great the food was. And the people are really sweet! I read on Chowhound.com that it's sort of a wallflower in town, and that bums me out to no end. Blue Latitudes, however, gave me the worst meal I've had in recent memory. I'll give it another shot, but the first impression was pretty awful.)

I know it may not seem like it, but a big part of me is really looking forward to getting away from the hustle and bustle of big urban life. Getting outdoors in nature, sight-seeing, all that stuff is a rare luxury in NY, so the fact that I'll get to enjoy all of that is really unbelievable to me. So thanks for the suggestions in your post! I'll definitely want to check all that out.

By the way: You mentioned that there are little bits of culture to be found in Dover. Could you suggest some? I have a few noted, but I'd like to make sure I haven't overlooked anything. Thx!

[Zaetah]

JViello, THANK YOU for the link to your post! Great stuff, and an interesting read. Will be sure to check out the stuff that you mentioned!

[EDIT: And eeeshk — What a flame war over politics! Too bad. The thread started off so nicely...]

[dognh]

NH is not NYC, nor is cow-hampshire.

You have to be realistic and know where to go for what you are looking for.

NH has one of the highest concentrations of wealth of any state. There are plenty of well educated, well-healed clicks around the State -- areas of Lake Winnipesaukee in summer, the rye beach area, pockets in Portsmouth, Manchester, Concord, etc.

As far as down-to-earth non-trailer types, there are plenty of them too -- many many people/families have moved up from the Boston area or work in Boston and are on a similar social trajectory as some of the people you know in NY (the difference is that people in NH are not as hung up on flash, cash, and celebrity)

I don't know that much about Dover life, but another poster was correct that UNH is nearby so you are going to get a lot of overflow of drunk boys and girls on weekends. If you can't find a sufficient social scene in the nicer restaurants/bars you've visited there, I would just head into Portsmouth. There are fewer college drunks and more adults I think you would get along with.

Trust me, NH is not like the stereotype it's portrayed as. Sure, there are more rural, simple folks here and yes even some hermits, but I'd choose them over the stuck up, euro-trash, wall street, @#$ks with a God complex that you find in most big cities nowadays.

[Zaetah]

Thanks, dognh. My husband got very excited reading your post: "Sounds like we're moving to the right state!"

You bring up some awesome points. Thanks for the input!