Weird Question (Nashua, Concord, Hollis: apartment, new home, elementary school)

[pixieshmoo]

I'm posting this question in a few forums because for several years I've struggled with wanting to leave my state and move elsewhere. During that time my children have gotten older and it's getting harder to leave, as they will be in high school within the next couple of years. They say they will hate us if we move and are determined to be miserable anywhere but here. I want to move because it's not so great here anymore, too crowded, too judgmental, too competitive, too worried about trends & money, too fast paced, too worried about outward appearance, schools aren't what they used to be, drugs, sex, crime, etc. I know it's everywhere but I also know there are better places than here. So I am posting this question in a few chosen (states) forums and am hoping for some good feedback.

Now for the weird/stupid question: How do the children and/or adolescents in your particular community, school system, town, county or state react to newcomers??

While this may sound incredibly ridiculous, keep in mind what we hear on the news about kids who often befriend the "newcomer", act like they want to pursue a friendship, invite the child somewhere and end up beating the kid to death or near death and leaving them there. I know it's not something that is a daily event in most places, but it's not unheard of. I recall a few years ago seeing a video on the news of a group of girls who did that to one new girl. Not only did they beat her to a pulp, they videotaped themselves doing it! Considering that my oldest is almost in high school, I see it as a valid question based on how children socialize, how they are judged, teased, ridiculed, teen suicide, depression, etc. You see it all over the country. I want to move to better the lives and futures of my children, not make their lives miserable or put them in jeopardy. And as we all know, children are harsh and brutally honest and simply downright cruel at times.

So, based on all that I have written, I am hoping that many of you, as parents, teachers, even students and teens, or simply someone who knows what goes on in their community, can tell me from your point of view or experience or what goes on in your local news, how accepted newcomers are to your area, is there gang violence, adolescent violence, is it a friendly, welcoming place to live, are people accepted freely or are they ridiculed until they prove themselves, etc? I have no particular area preference at this time, but if you don't mind listing where you're from, or close to where you're from if you'd like to remain private, along with your response, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you sincerely

[Yankeehombre]

I think you'll find as local cows assure us, the grass is no greener here, theres a little thistle everywhere! Sometimes some red clover if you're lucky! We are all MTV exposed, and NBC news covered to the point of ubiquitous scary occasional stories. Everyone wants to belive"those things don't happen here", since we are such a rural removed community. In truth, if it happens anwhere, it happens here. Friends of mine sold a house that they had owned for 15 years and couldn't produce a single door key for the realtor since they had never used them. Luckily they lived on a dead end street and neighbors keep a good eye on any turnaround traffic. [there is no horror story that goes with this. Nothing did ever happen!] Big City Criminals know we have guns + backhoes.Just like the Slums of Baltimore,Nobody gives the sound of a gunshot a second thought.

We have the occasional story of the Town Clerk or other trusted individual that skipped town + treated themselves a vacation in Aruba paid their divorce expenses.on someone elses money or SHOCKING

[NewNHguy]

I'm originally from Bergen county.

I've moved to the Mt. Washington Valley, in Madison. The folks are great, and I have found that you'll only get the response that you invoke;
meaning, if you are outgoing and greet folks, they'll generally greet you back. as an adult, you can take it from there.

If you can deal with Jersey, the rudest place on earth, you can handle NH folk..

fugettaboutit...................

[notdancingqueen]

My kids were younger when we moved here, but between all of the places I have lived (Nassau County LI, Metro DC, central PA and now NH) -- NH is by far friendlier. PA was fine too -- really, once you get out of the NY metro area and major centers of excess and entitlement like many east coast cities and parts of the west coast, it is a *vastly* different country almost no matter where you go. It took me nearly 35 years to realize that the places I called home are NOT the norm for most people -- including the attitude that goes with those places.

We didn't want to move when our kids were in high school either -- but if I really felt that moving would be better for them than where we were currently living, you bet your bottom dollar I'd move if I could swing it -- no matter what sort of carrying on ensued. *I* am the parent -- in my house, the rule is "you don't have to like me, you just have to listen to me." Thankfully it doesn't often get to that , but the point is I am their mother and my job (as I see it) is to make decisions that are best for their health and well-being, not decisions that are popular or make me their friend. Easier said than done, of course... I don't mean to be preachy but whether your kids like you at the moment and whether they respect you in the short-and long-term don't always go hand-in-hand.

YMMV - Jackie

[OCCASparky]

Trust me, the, "Will they welcome us?" worries will last about five seconds after you start moving into your new home/apartment.

[lisa g]

My (elementary school aged) kids made fast friends with some really wonderful kids here in Hollis. They'd had a few acquaintence-type friends in the highly materialistic and competetive SoCal area they'd known before, but here they have genuine friends, and more of them. Just yesterday in fact, my son commented on how he and his loyal group of friends seem to watch out for each other - something he'd not experienced before. We are particular about who we befriend, and my worry was that my kids would make no friends as a result but it has been just the opposite. No surprise they had fewer friends in SoCal, I suppose. And if you are worried, I would suggest meeting the parents of your kids future friends, regardless of where you end up. If I have not met (or felt comfortable with) the parents of kids my children want to hang out with, my kids do not hang out with them. Like anywhere, there are some nuts to be avoided but it is within your control. If you make the effort, the resulting peace of mind is worthwhile.

[nicolem]

Well unlike NewNHGuy, I don't think that New Jersey is the rudest place on earth- I think NJ has some of the kindest and friendliest people on earth-so you will see that you get many different opinions here on this board. Of course, I was born and raised at the Jersey shore and I spent the beginning of my married life in South Jersey outside of Philly while he was in Bergen county, so that may be where we differ.

I will say that I really did not find the people in Concord the most friendliest or most polite. While I did make a few great friends while living and working there, it seemed like a lot of people walked around being miserable 24/7. I have two friends born and bred in Concord who will say the same thing. If you held the door, said hello or smiled at someone out in public, many times you were looked at as though you had 3 heads. I never experience this when I "go home" to NJ nor where I live now in NH.

Now that I live in the Lakes region, the people are great. All of my neighbors are great as well. In fact most of the local high school kids work in a lot of the local businesses and they are kind and polite-they also seem very down to earth which is a plus for me.

[lisa g]

Originally Posted by nicolem

it seemed like a lot of people walked around being miserable 24/7. I have two friends born and bred in Concord who will say the same thing. If you held the door, said hello or smiled at someone out in public, many times you were looked at as though you had 3 heads.

oooh, i cannot stand that - and experience it usually only when shopping in Nashua, usually not in Hollis, and do not remember that brand of misery where I grew up on LI.
I have assumed it was Mass. people but am surprised to hear about it in Concord. Nasty.

[KarynO]

Originally Posted by lisa g

oooh, i cannot stand that - and experience it usually only when shopping in Nashua, usually not in Hollis, and do not remember that brand of misery where I grew up on LI.
I have assumed it was Mass. people but am surprised to hear about it in Concord. Nasty.

grrrrrrrrrr

[Mrtwigg]

The children in your new community should be welcoming and non-judgemental if they were raised properly by their parents.

If they were'nt and and as ar you feared then they aren't worth socialising with.

If you've raised your children the right way then your children would know this.