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I'm a former N.J. resident and I'm trying to help my sister who still lives there in Essex County (Montclair area).
She is in a very abusive marriage, but afraid to leave b/c her husband has threatened to take their children away. Of course, if she were to leave she would need some money, but it's impossible for her to save anything. She works for her husband in their beauty salon and he takes all of her income except for her tips. She has to use the tips to buy groceries and anything their kids need so she's left with nothing when all is said and done.
Plus, he has forged her signature on a variety of credit card applications, plus forced her to sign a home-equity loan application so her creidt score is pretty much destroyed.
I've offered to have her stay with me, but she doesn't want to leave N.J. So I would really appreciate advice on services available in N.J.
Are there any battered women shelters where she could stay for a while with the kids until she got back on her feet? If so, is there a long waiting list?
Does N.J. have a Legal-Aid type service that would provide free attorney services? Or, are there attorneys who would represent her without charge and then bill her husband?
Are there any free counseling services or hotlines for battered women?
Is there social service organization that would teach her basic life skills such as how to write a check and use an ATM machine? She's been with him since she was a teenager and has never done these things because he has always controlled their money.
Thanks in advance. I really want to help my sister and would appreciate any advice you can provide.
There are a number of services for battered women in NJ.
She can start here- WOMEN SHELTERS New Jersey
If she is that desperate she should be hoarding money or stealing from her husband to get herself and her kids out of that situation and taking you up on your offer.
Remember, you cannot want something more for her than she is willing to do for herself and her kids.
Last edited by jerseyj; 09-16-2010 at 07:31 PM..
Reason: oops!
How long will it take her to not only become self sufficient, but also able to support her family ?
Since she's not willing to accept your help, what is her plan for becoming self sufficient ?
She could already be financially self-sufficent. Last year she brought over $40,000 to their business. With child support she could get by.
She wants to leave him, but he has brainwashed her over the past 10 years to believe that she cannot make it without him. I think she has a vision of herself as homeless without her children, because that's how he says she'll end up.
She is smart, nice, and talented. I really believe with the right type of support from someone who has a background dealing with battered woman she could gain the confidence she needs to leave.
I send her money to visit at least once a year and after a week away from him she is a new woman. Then, she returns to N.J. and it's back to being a victim again.
this stuff infuriates me. i'd help her out if i could. i'm probably not best at that though, as people are trained for it. but she needs to know there are people out there that will help her. it's ridiculous for a woman to feel stuck in a relationship. it's expensive in this state, so i understand the fear, but he can't take her children. fortunately or unfortunately, the system is stacked in the woman's favor when it comes to child custody. so she's got him there unless she's an unfit mother.
she needs tough love. you're helping her out, but she needs to be told the cold hard truth and she needs to believe it.
ughhh. how can a man abuse a woman? i will never understand it.
The system for this in NJ is quite corrupt and abusive to the point of destroying families and especially children. It's not an easy choice either way. If she is the slightest bit naive the system will pirate everything and anything she or they ever had. Hard to believe, but very true.
I'm a former N.J. resident and I'm trying to help my sister who still lives there in Essex County (Montclair area).
She is in a very abusive marriage, but afraid to leave b/c her husband has threatened to take their children away. Of course, if she were to leave she would need some money, but it's impossible for her to save anything. She works for her husband in their beauty salon and he takes all of her income except for her tips. She has to use the tips to buy groceries and anything their kids need so she's left with nothing when all is said and done.
Plus, he has forged her signature on a variety of credit card applications, plus forced her to sign a home-equity loan application so her creidt score is pretty much destroyed.
I've offered to have her stay with me, but she doesn't want to leave N.J. So I would really appreciate advice on services available in N.J.
Are there any battered women shelters where she could stay for a while with the kids until she got back on her feet? If so, is there a long waiting list?
Does N.J. have a Legal-Aid type service that would provide free attorney services? Or, are there attorneys who would represent her without charge and then bill her husband?
Are there any free counseling services or hotlines for battered women?
Is there social service organization that would teach her basic life skills such as how to write a check and use an ATM machine? She's been with him since she was a teenager and has never done these things because he has always controlled their money.
Thanks in advance. I really want to help my sister and would appreciate any advice you can provide.
NJ has very strong domestic violence laws. Threatening to take her children is in and of itself reason for a restraining order.
It will not be easy for her to do, however, not because of the laws or any external difficulties she may encounter. It will be hard because as you point out he has been controlling her all this time (cannot write a check and use an ATM?)
And why, if this is so bad, would she rather stay in a bad situation than leave NJ?
She can get help, there are shelters, there are laws and there are lawyers, but until she makes a decision to do something, no one can help her.
I was once in the same situation. I was lost and confused didn't know who to turn to. I found someone to help me they walked me through it every step of the way. They will go anywhere.. If you need help check them out at [url=http://www.realsecuritycorp.com]R.E.A.L Security Corp. Private Security and Investigations company[/url]
This is an awful situation. I bet he's from the middle east. I had to stop using those salons when I saw the women working like slaves and the men sitting at the counter doing nothing. You could tell they were being controlled.
You're gonna have to convince her to run away and hide, but there's a risk he might kill her if he finds her. She has to make a choice.
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