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A few times, kids harrassed me and threw things at me in high school and I told the teacher or lunch people and the bully was removed or I was moved. Works like a charm. Though, one time a teacher wouldn't listen when someone was throwing a book at my head, so I went to the office and got the whole thing sorted when the teacher was done teaching that day. People need to take action when the problem starts. Violence never entered my brain because I was always taught to trust and respect schools. It would be improper to fight (plus, I'd be afraid of getting hurt or killed). Rude classmates, which were plentiful, became a non-issue in grade school for me.
Years later, I run into nasty people sometimes and as someone who is ultra sensitive, I avoid them when I sense them and surround myself with positivity. I have a good life; it's too bad NJGOAT seems to have the complete opposite (and frankly, frightening) mind frame. No one should HAVE to learn how to fight, no matter how terrible the place you live. Crime can happen anywhere, but my friend who is disabled couldn't learn how to fight even when he tried. Someone will always be a better fighter than you. A simple rule I have is I never enter an "isolated" location unless I know it's safe, I got my phone, etc.
I haven't read this whole thread and don't plan to, but have scanned it. People need to stop caring what others think. ANYONE can take pics of you, make accounts for you, spread a rumor about you, etc, so all that matters is that YOUR circle of people know the truth. If THEY don't believe you, burn bridges. Someone did make a facebook of a friend who was well-known in his town, but my friend called his friends and told us that it's an imposter and would never make a Facebook account. All was well.
I wish more people would think this way; there might be less drama and heartache.
The worst part about this is, I have a nagging feeling that Tyler didn't kill himself over bullying.
I'm pretty sure did , if your stressed out and you have ton of stuff on your plate like College and something like this happens it could be the one thing that will push you over.
glasshalfpool, I totally agree! Sadly most people don't think that way, and have a negative view of schools and don't believe in the power of having a stubborn, loud voice when a situation is unjust. It's all subjective though, and we need an example of a situation to truly analyze this further.
I think kids need to be aware of where they are going and who they are trusting, and to know that it is OK to talk to adults about anything. I remind kids that sometimes adults have to talk to the policeman just like kids have to talk to the teacher or parent.
What evidence do you have in support of your theory ? It sounds like something you made up. The most obvious problem with it is that you might not have the means to kick their ****. In fact, those who use proactive aggression tend to have the planning ability to stack the deck in their favor, and therefore generally don't get their tails kicked. Those who resort to reactive aggression tend to lack planning ability, and hence are likely to step into scenarios where they will be humiliated.
It is little surprise then that those who resort to reactive aggression are ostracized by their peers and do poorly both while they are being targeted, and further down the road.
The solution then is usually to be as proactive about defending yourself (relationally more than physically) as the bully is proactive about being hostile.
My own childhood is proof. The one time I finally flipped my lid and beat a kid to hell was when they stopped making fun of me. When you're in the 1st grade, it's hard to be proactive for something that's going to last the course of your grade school tenure.
What happens when these kids turn to adult? There's always workplace bullying. How do you cope with the bullying during childhood so it doesnt grow with these children to adulthood?????????
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How harmful is bullying ?
Before one can tackle bullying in schools one must first be convinced of its harmfulness. Fortunately there is now a great deal of hard evidence regarding the physical and mental harm that continued bullying does to vulnerable children ....... It is known also that children who continually engage in bullying at school are more likely than others to engage in criminal activities after leaving schools.
Does bullying really do children any harm? (Updated)
A pre-script The following contribution was made on this site about 5 years ago. Research in this area has continued to gain momentum. More and more published papers on the consequences of bullying are come to light, often (I’m sorry to say) without their authors having read what has already been published. Last year I tried to keep up with it in a review paper I was aked to write for the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry (the paper can be downloaded here http://www.cpa-apc.org/Publications/Archives/CJP/2003/october/rigby.pdf ) – and already there is much new work on the subject by new authors waiting to be read. This is certainly an encouraging trend. But the issues I raised five years ago in the following contribution are still very much alive. Read on.
An appeal for better research.
There continues to be a good deal of resistance to the view that bullying is harmful to the health of children. Some of the resistance comes from people who proudly assert that being bullied at school never did them any harm. This is not surprising. In a given year, about half the school children who are have been surveyed in Australia (currently over 38,000) report that they were not bullied at all. Then there are also those who claim that being bullied did them good. They responded (they say) to the challenge, and became tougher for the experience. And it is true that among those who say they are bullied weekly (some 15% of Australian children) there are some who say they are not really bothered by it. These are often tough, resilient children - fortunate to be so. It is the ten percent of children who are continually being bullied and plainly ARE bothered, feeling angry and/or sad as a consequence, who concern us most. For those who do not appreciate the misery and health concerns of these children we need clear convincing evidence that bullying really does them serious harm.
Despite the countless numbers of articles that have been written about bullying in the last few years - and the abundance of information about it on the Internet - the evidence of the harm that bullying can do remains open to criticism and can often unfortunately be discounted. Most of the existing studies are based on cross-sectional surveys; the relationships they reveal can be dismissed as "merely correlational." It is, for instance, open to critics to argue that victimisation does not necessarily lower a child's self-esteem. An equally plausible explanation for the correlation is that children with low self-esteem are commonly targeted by bullies. Further, even if children are sometimes upset by bullying - so the argument goes - they get over it soon enough. We need more persuasive studies employing longitudinal research designs.
Studies monitoring the health of children and the extent to which they are being victimised by peers over a period of time are, in fact, rare.
There can be tragic emotional consequences for victims of bullies. In recent studies, nearly 50% of those surveyed revealed they had thought about committing suicide as a result of bullying. It is devastating to report that this group converts thoughts to actions at a much higher rate than those that have not been bullied. Bullying victims are also much more prone to suffer depression.
A devastating effect of bullying is the pattern it creates in bullying victims' lives that can last their whole life. Nearly 40% of people bullied at school go on to be bullied later on in adult life at work, further education and also in social circles.
In our young and developing children, self esteem is crucial. Bullying takes away self esteem like nothing else and victims of bullies always report that they feel worse about themselves after being bullied. The normal child feels low self esteem at a rate of about 1% whereas bullied children report feelings of low self esteem about as high as 40%.
Children, teenagers and even adults that have been bullied, have much higher levels of absenteeism than those who have not. The defence mechanism of taking themselves out of the situation is very common. Unfortunately, this defence is only a band-aid to the problem and ultimately stops them dealing with the matter, making new friends and also takes them out of circles and networks where they may very well be support and help available.
While we are talking about friends, victims of bullying find it hard to keep the ones they have let alone make new ones. This is due somewhat to the pack mentality and is most commonly observed in teenage years. Standing up for people against a bully or bullies can really make you stand out and isolate you from the rest of the group and this is one of things that teenagers fear most. Peer pressure also plays its part and someone who a victim normally counts on as a friend can seem to be joining the bullies if they do not stand by them. The betrayal shown by their friends' reluctance to jump in and help them can often feel even worse than the bullying!
As victims of bullying shy away from the situation, they often do not learn coping strategies used for later in life. As a result, their relationships are often poor and short lasting, bullying patterns continue well into the adult life and the victim can sometimes become the bully, resorting to aggression and violence to solve problems.
The results of bullying and the impacts on the victim can range from mild annoyance at the least and tragically, suicide and sometimes even murder-suicide at worst. It is a devastating result under any measure and something we all need to take more seriously.
Our children deserve us as parents and guardians to do all we can and learn as much as possible about bullies and bullying. Our support, education and love will ensure they get through any issues of bullying confidently and more importantly, safely. For more detail on the Effects Of Bullying as well as so much more helpful information on dealing with bullies, please visit Dealing With Bullies!
"Never stop listening, loving and teaching our children - no matter what!"
Cameron Abel
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