Child needs some advice on temp seperation from parents (lawyer, home) - New Jersey (NJ) - City-Data Forum

familymom · 04-21-2011, 06:25 AM

Very sad thing happened last night. My SIL won temporary custody of her son. My nephew is right now living in my home and does not wish to go home just yet. She can drink alot and is bi -polar and very upset since she is heading for a divorce. She can play alot of mind games on you and make you chose side in the fight between her and her husband. Something all children should not be involved in but I know this is the tragedy of divorce for many children.

My problem is that if she shows up today to get him, I really can not help him to stay, legally that I know of. I am only talking about the next few days he wants to stay till things quiet down. He just wants a normal few days, very sad. My SIL is so wanting of love that she will probable demand he comes home just so she is not alone.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could keep her away from my nephew for a few days. Is there any actions a 13 year old can take to get temp leave of his parents. He can not go live with his father for a while, so that is out also. Thanks

Ellwood · 04-21-2011, 07:15 AM

Did anyone try to get custody other than your SIL? Was your nephew allowed to express his wishes to the judge/court? You might considering appealing.

NJGOAT · 04-21-2011, 08:11 AM

There is nothing you can do. The court granted her custody and if she wants him home, no one can stop her. Outside of her putting him in danger by being drunk when she shows up to get him and you contacting the police, there really is nothing you can do.

The best thing would be for the father assuming he has his ish together to pursue custody. At that point, the son could make his wishes heard and present evidence about the mothers issues. You could also pursue custody, but that would be a major uphill battle without overwhelming evidence against his biological parent.

The best chance you have to give him what he wants is to talk to your SIL and let her know that he would like to stay with you for a few more days to sort some things out and hope she goes along with it.

Goldendoodle1969 · 04-21-2011, 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJGOAT

There is nothing you can do. The court granted her custody and if she wants him home, no one can stop her. Outside of her putting him in danger by being drunk when she shows up to get him and you contacting the police, there really is nothing you can do.

The best thing would be for the father assuming he has his ish together to pursue custody. At that point, the son could make his wishes heard and present evidence about the mothers issues. You could also pursue custody, but that would be a major uphill battle without overwhelming evidence against his biological parent.

The best chance you have to give him what he wants is to talk to your SIL and let her know that he would like to stay with you for a few more days to sort some things out and hope she goes along with it.

That's not 100% accurate. If you have reason to believe that the mother's behavior is putting the child in an environment of abuse and/or neglect( physical and emotional count here). You have a duty to call protective services(DYFS). The are required to investigate ALL claims. As Goat mentioned this will probably not help anything today but could be useful to get the ball rolling for future custody disputes. I'm sure most of this was brought up in the custody hearing so without knowing the seriousness of her problems its tough to say if there is anything even DYFS would be able to do.

Here is the excerpt from the website NJ Dept of Children and Families.

CHILD ABUSE/NEGLECT HOTLINE
1-877-NJ ABUSE (652-2873)
1-800-835-5510 (TTY/TDD)
24 hours a day - 7 days a week
Any person having reasonable cause to believe that a child has been abused or neglected has a legal responsiblity to report it to the Division of Youth and Family Services (DYFS). DYFS is mandated to investigate all reports of child abuse and neglect.

hrjersey · 04-21-2011, 08:26 AM

If she won temp custody then then someone other than her must have lost custody. This really is a question for a lawyer experienced in these matters.

It's difficult to give suggestions but you really seem to care about your nephew so my suggestion would be to invite your SIL to stay at your home for a few days, maybe under the guise of spending the holiday together. This might not be the perfect situation but at least your nephew would have some transition time.

familymom · 04-21-2011, 10:45 AM

Hrjersey, are you crazy! I can only handle her for a few hours. My nephew is in no danger going home he just needs a break. He told his Mom this and she will give hime a few days here. So I am glad it seems to be working out, for right now. Thanks for all the advice, it's hard to sit and watch a family fall apart.

NJGOAT · 04-21-2011, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by familymom

Hrjersey, are you crazy! I can only handle her for a few hours. My nephew is in no danger going home he just needs a break. He told his Mom this and she will give hime a few days here. So I am glad it seems to be working out, for right now. Thanks for all the advice, it's hard to sit and watch a family fall apart.

Probably the best thing you can do for your nephew is become his refuge. Make sure he knows you are there for him and your home is open to him. Even if his own immediate family is lacking, he can still find a lot of the love and support he needs from you.

If the SIL is willing to let him stay the next few days, see if you can turn that into a semi-permanent arrangement to benefit everyone where he spends some time each week or month with you. She may be willing to do this to give herself a "break" and do what she wants. Just make it all about her. You know, say X loves spending time here and I'm sure you could use some time to yourself, why not let him come here every other weekend or so.