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Old 10-02-2007, 12:02 PM
 
Location: High Bridge, NJ
3,858 posts, read 8,050,291 times
Reputation: 3317

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Ok folks, this forum has really opened my eyes. This place is a hellhole that should be sunken into the Atlantic Ocean! First of all, if you dare cross the bridge from Pennsylvania or Delaware, or step over the New York State line, your skin will begin to melt, and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits! There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Absolutely NO ONE can afford anything here-even air is too expensive to breathe AND its taxed! All the houses you see lining the streets are a mere illusion-just movie props brought in by the evil state legislature in order to lure unsuspecting people into settling into this god forsaken pit of despair.

Once the hapless traveler enters the so called "Garden State," he will be set upon by Bloods, Crips, illegal aliens, zombies, and the occasional rabid chihuahua. They will attempt to drag him into their dens of sin and corruption known as Trenton, Newark, and Camden. Meanwhile, the state legislature will show up at his door demanding $30,000,000 in property taxes in order to pay for such things as education, fire and police protection. However, in New Jersey, the education system ranks just behind Afghanistan and students are routinely killed for doing WELL on standardized tests. Fire departments actually set homes on fire rather than put them out, and the police will simply shoot you on site.

Those who are trapped in the 8th circle of New Jersey do have hope though. Just a few hundred miles down I-95 is an oasis known as the Carolinas. There one can buy a 10,000 square foot mansion with an in-ground pool, servants, a massuese, and Ferrari for a mere $10,000. The state actually pays taxes to the property owners, resulting in an extra income of about $20,000 per year. Every home comes complete with a 5,000 acre lot with a lemonade spring and a grove of bubblegum trees. The police officers encourage speeding and give drivers citations for NOT talking on their cell phones while driving. Every child in the school district is admitted to their choice of Princeton, Harvard, or Yale on a full scholarship! The teachers not only work for free, but they also pay the students to attend school and give out bonuses for homework. The average lifespan of a human being in the Carolinas is about 150 years, and the weather is a constant 70 degrees with sunny skies and it never rains. Plants in the Carolinas do not require any water whatsoever.

Thank you so, so much City Data for making me see that my home state is actually an evil black hole threatening to suck the entire east coast into the abyss!
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Old 10-02-2007, 12:05 PM
 
1,800 posts, read 5,083,191 times
Reputation: 732
Quote:
Originally Posted by Badfish740 View Post
Ok folks, this forum has really opened my eyes. This place is a hellhole that should be sunken into the Atlantic Ocean! First of all, if you dare cross the bridge from Pennsylvania or Delaware, or step over the New York State line, your skin will begin to melt, and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits! There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Absolutely NO ONE can afford anything here-even air is too expensive to breathe AND its taxed! All the houses you see lining the streets are a mere illusion-just movie props brought in by the evil state legislature in order to lure unsuspecting people into settling into this god forsaken pit of despair.

Once the hapless traveler enters the so called "Garden State," he will be set upon by Bloods, Crips, illegal aliens, zombies, and the occasional rabid chihuahua. They will attempt to drag him into their dens of sin and corruption known as Trenton, Newark, and Camden. Meanwhile, the state legislature will show up at his door demanding $30,000,000 in property taxes in order to pay for such things as education, fire and police protection. However, in New Jersey, the education system ranks just behind Afghanistan and students are routinely killed for doing WELL on standardized tests. Fire departments actually set homes on fire rather than put them out, and the police will simply shoot you on site.

Those who are trapped in the 8th circle of New Jersey do have hope though. Just a few hundred miles down I-95 is an oasis known as the Carolinas. There one can buy a 10,000 square foot mansion with an in-ground pool, servants, a massuese, and Ferrari for a mere $10,000. The state actually pays taxes to the property owners, resulting in an extra income of about $20,000 per year. Every home comes complete with a 5,000 acre lot with a lemonade spring and a grove of bubblegum trees. The police officers encourage speeding and give drivers citations for NOT talking on their cell phones while driving. Every child in the school district is admitted to their choice of Princeton, Harvard, or Yale on a full scholarship! The teachers not only work for free, but they also pay the students to attend school and give out bonuses for homework. The average lifespan of a human being in the Carolinas is about 150 years, and the weather is a constant 70 degrees with sunny skies and it never rains. Plants in the Carolinas do not require any water whatsoever.

Thank you so, so much City Data for making me see that my home state is actually an evil black hole threatening to suck the entire east coast into the abyss!
Slow day at work???
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Old 10-02-2007, 12:08 PM
 
9,124 posts, read 32,094,329 times
Reputation: 3519
Quote:
Originally Posted by Badfish740 View Post

Once the hapless traveler enters the so called "Garden State," he will be set upon by Bloods, Crips, illegal aliens, zombies, and the occasional rabid chihuahua. They will attempt to drag him into their dens of sin and corruption known as Trenton, Newark, and Camden. Meanwhile, the state legislature will show up at his door demanding $30,000,000 in property taxes in order to pay for such things as education, fire and police protection. However, in New Jersey, the education system ranks just behind Afghanistan and students are routinely killed for doing WELL on standardized tests. Fire departments actually set homes on fire rather than put them out, and the police will simply shoot you on site.
Don't forget the shopping carts and Hummers!!!!
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Old 10-02-2007, 12:08 PM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,925 posts, read 24,048,548 times
Reputation: 10734
Creative writing your forte in high school????

Very good!!! Thanks for making my otherwise dull afternoon at work a wee bit more entertaining

Don't forget that Oasis in TN as well
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Old 10-02-2007, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,925 posts, read 24,048,548 times
Reputation: 10734
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobKovacs View Post
Don't forget the shopping carts and Hummers!!!!
Good catch Bob
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Old 10-02-2007, 12:12 PM
 
Location: High Bridge, NJ
3,858 posts, read 8,050,291 times
Reputation: 3317
Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate View Post
Creative writing your forte in high school????
HA! I'll have to tell my English teacher fiancee that one! I was eating lunch at my desk when I just felt compelled to lash out against the "Move to New Jersey and Die" crowd...
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Old 10-02-2007, 12:20 PM
 
1,263 posts, read 3,653,389 times
Reputation: 771
You are so right. I enjoyed, and I don't even live there!
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Old 10-02-2007, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Sunshine N'Blue Skies
13,320 posts, read 19,657,523 times
Reputation: 11644
That was cute and funny..........but now...........anytime soon............your friend will be back and will truely, and full heartedly, agree ( get ready)
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Old 10-02-2007, 12:36 PM
 
Location: High Bridge, NJ
3,858 posts, read 8,050,291 times
Reputation: 3317
Quote:
Originally Posted by Summering View Post
That was cute and funny..........but now...........anytime soon............your friend will be back and will truely, and full heartedly, agree ( get ready)
Oh-the one from Tennessee? lol
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Old 10-02-2007, 12:42 PM
 
21 posts, read 85,363 times
Reputation: 22
Love your description of the Garden State. It is on my bi-pass travel plans
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