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My husband's received an offer to relocate to Atlanta and the decision to stay or leave is tearing us apart as the deadline is looming.
He grew up relocating many times whereas I was born and raised in NJ. All of our family is within 3 hours of NJ with no family in Atlanta (nor are they willing to relocate there, my parents won't fly so it's very unlikely they will visit often, if at all).
He is a young middle manager with 15+ yrs with the company, has worked hard to get where he is and loves what he does. I also used to work for the company for nearly 20 years, also in management, (we met at work) but my husband and I decided it would be best for me to stay home with our twins until preschool. I planned to return to our company afterwards.
If we decide to move, the company will pay for everything, including buying/selling our current house so the money is not a concern. His position and pay will remain the same. If we decided not to go, he has half a year's pay worth of severance and medical through early 2016 so we'd be ok for a while. Not to mention a sizable savings, as we live very meagerly.
We visited the ATL suburbs but we both did not like it at all and agreed we didn't want to live there. We covered about 500 miles (Alpharetta/Johns Creek/East Cobb) over a weekend and saw many different houses and communities but it just wasn't for us. When we penciled out the COL, it actually didn't turn out to be too much of a savings.
However, despite DH not liking it, he's having a hard time letting go of the career path he has paved. Since he is an instant gratification type and a planner, taking a leap of faith, not having a job and declining the relocation doesn't sit with him well at all. As the decision deadline is approaching, he is having second thoughts and now wants me to consider moving and it's causing a major rift in our relationship. I am willing to relocate to other areas (like CA or East Coast) but just don't want to move 'there.' It's not a "NJ of bust" situation - I'm open to another life somewhere else. The QUALITY of our life for our family is very important and I could easily be happy with less money if I liked the actual location of where we lived. I've also offered to sell the house and rent here in NJ if we had to so he doesn't feel the pressure to take the first job that comes along and settle. I am also looking for full time jobs again.
I guess i'm struggling with the fact that he was calm and collected when he declared there was no way we could live there but is now panicking come decision time. I don't want us to make the expensive mistake of moving down there and us both being unhappy - and to lose a home, town and area we both love.
The clock is ticking and we must make our decision soon. Any advice/suggestions of similar stories would be appreciated.
Tough situation but I disagree with you that you drove 500 miles in ATL and only found "cookie cutter houses" - there IS character to be found there, there are backyards bigger and better, and suburbs in GA are actually much more greener in terms of wilderness and far apart from other houses.. not sure what area you toured!
If he gets to keep same salary and all costs are included in this relo - the only thing keeping you here is your NJ family which is a plane ride away.. I would not give up 15 years seniority and management position this easily especially in the current economic climate but if he has a 2nd interview elsewhere and salary is being bumped than you have a chance.. still 15 years and the perks that come with it are to be re-considered..
I do have a cousin that was in similar situation, she moved to ATL due to husband got relo by EY.. she grew up in a tight knit extended family and this was hard on her but she did move, she found a friend in the PTA meetings there and now wont even consider moving back - the ease and hospitality of life there is what she got attached to.
If you don't go as it's gets closer to the 6 months salary running out you'll be 2nd guessing yourself and unless companies are knocking down his door to hire him, you'll be sorry you didn't go.
I realize that's family is important, but the most important family is your husband and kids.
As NJ guy (moved to PA to find a house), I got reloc'ed to Atlanta 11 years ago. I have no family here also, but have made trips up north 2/3 times a year to see family, for work, for conferences etc, Mostly We (my son and I) fly, but we also drive up about every 12-18 months.
Where about is his job? What Atlanta Burbs is it located in.
Yes, there are alot of cookie cutter sub developments, But with you NJ home sale, you can got "Same" and walk away with money, or upgrade to bigger house on larger lots.
Coming from the north, everyone seem to want a bigger lot, but very few of us want to maintain them ourself, so we task the lawn cutting/maintenance off to landscaping companies, (Not many want to be cutting/maintain the lawn when it 95f and 90 humid out).
GA does have lottery funded College, more or less with a B average from a GA high school, most of the instate tuition is payed.
I wonder when you visited. If you were here this week, you would likely be blown away by how beautiful things are with the blooming trees and flowers.
Do you expect all your family members to remain where they are? Once my parents tired of the NJ winters, they couldn't wait to relocate south. They beat us down here by 12 years.
I am surprised you didn't see more of a COL benefit. Perhaps that's because you live meagerly in NJ, but it's not hard to think you'll live well in GA on a NJ salary.
There are many, many NJ transplants here (northern suburbs). We have never regretted the move.
Yeah, the company is paying for your relocation costs (big deal), but he is not getting a raise or a promotion.
You hate everything you've seen in the Atlanta metro area. You are using words like "hate" and "severe depression".
Your husband also dislikes the location and also cannot see himself and your family living there, and any feelings for accepting the relocation are based in fear, not anything positive. Making a major life change based solely on fear and the perception that you have no choice and that your hands are tied? Not a great move, in my opinion.
I will add to this, a hearty LOL at this company's 'promise' of an open & waiting position for you when your kids are ready for you to return to work. Do not count on such a promise.
First of all, they will say anything to try to sway your husband to uproot your family. They have a lot to lose too if he says no. Hunting a new head, taking a risk to hire that new head, spending months to get that new head properly trained and oriented to fully fill your husband's shoes. That's a lot of extra work that could be avoided if your husband just agreed to move to Atlanta with them.
Second of all, even if this company genuinely does plan to keep this 'promise'...who's to say what will happen in 3 or 4 or 5 years? New management, reorg, downsize, new HR policies. There are an infinite number of reasons this company can then say, "Oh yeah...we can't really make good on that promise to your wife now...we said that 3 years ago when things were different."
Third...I will repeat: Who's to say what will happen in 3 or 4 or 5 years? Your husband could also be re-orged or downsized out. Guess who gets cut first in a reorg or downsizing? Young middle managers. Then your move to Atlanta will have been for nothing.
This company is moving to Atlanta for its own bottom line. Can't blame them, as business is business. In the same vein, though, they can also cut your husband loose at will, at any time, for that same bottom line (FYI, Georgia is also an employment-at-will state). There is no loyalty in business. Your husband is a resource and nothing more.
Personally, I would pass on the relocation. I would think of this situation as the company laying you off in an extremely generous manner...6 months of severance + bennies. If the company WERE to lay your husband off...you'd simply accept it and move on, find another job, and make it work, right?
Go for it. The Earth is just one big ball of dirt and we are meant to bounce around and try all the different flavors.. You could even drive back once in a while for visits or other modes of transport but that is your livelihood which is number one.
This is EXACTLY what I've said to my husband. The company is moving down there to save money, that's it. Pretty soon he will be the old guy that makes too much money and then we are potentially stuck there and unable to afford to move elsewhere. I don't trust anything company's promise, however, they have been very good to us over the years but you're right - one reorg and a new manager and game over. Very insighttful. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. I am not one to reach out like this but I appreciate this site so much for good advice. Have a lovely Sunday.
If we decided not to go, he has half a year's pay worth of severance and medical through early 2016 so we'd be ok for a while. Not to mention a sizable savings, as we live very meagerly.
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Based on this factor alone I would stay in NJ if that is what you both really want to do. Six month's severance is pretty darn good and would give him plenty of time to find a job. I don't know what industry he's in, but I would think he would have a much better chance of finding another job in NJ/NYC than he would in the Atlanta area. He should be able to find something around here within 6 months. And if you move and then he ends up getting laid off down there, there are likely fewer options down there for a new job.
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