Moved to New Jersey, not having a great time. What am I doing wrong? (Jersey City: buy, landlord)
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Maybe the problem is you, not NJ. I've lived in NJ most of my life and have never had some random meathead flex at me, and I've spent my fair share of time at spots on the NJ shore that are crawling with meatheads.
Boy, that sounds completely ridiculous. I don't doubt your honesty about the car thing or about people being generally snobbish in Montclair and other areas, but the meatheads flexing at you thing sounds a bit hokey.
That said, do you really think that NYC isn't full of snobbish, materialistic, and stuck-up people? A ****-ton of the professionals in the city put on these fronts and try to act like they are the most important person in the world. And it's not just Manhattan but also the gentrified parts of Brooklyn and Queens as well. Hoboken is nearly as bad. No matter where you go in the NYC Metropolitan area, you are going to get a ton of stuck-up and judgmental people.
Maybe people making fun of your car is not as visible in NYC because, well, you know, you probably were not using it very much. But I would reckon that some of those people you hung out with in NYC would look down upon you and make snide remarks about you for moving to New Jersey, period. It's a very common attitude by plenty of New Yorkers to see the world essentially as two parts: NYC and then the rest of the world, none of which matters because everything is better in NYC.
I have been living in NJ for 20 years and have never seen behavior as bad as you describe. Like you, I choose to live below my means. I make a six figure salary but still choose to drive a 13 year old car with peeling paint. Not once have I ever been heckled for it. Yes there are a lot of rude people here, but in my experience the good people greatly outnumber the bad.
Maybe the problem is you, not NJ. I've lived in NJ most of my life and have never had some random meathead flex at me, and I've spent my fair share of time at spots on the NJ shore that are crawling with meatheads.
I have not seen that many meatheads in Montclair. There is a college near by, so those college bars is probably the place to find meatheads.
There were a couple of places that attracted meatheads from surrounding towns, but those places have closed down.
But yahh, to get a meathead to flex at you in Mocntlair, you would have to be really trying.... Even NY Sports club in Mocntlair, you would still have to look hard to find a meathead there.
I have been living in NJ for 20 years and have never seen behavior as bad as you describe. Like you, I choose to live below my means. I make a six figure salary but still choose to drive a 13 year old car with peeling paint. Not once have I ever been heckled for it. Yes there are a lot of rude people here, but in my experience the good people greatly outnumber the bad.
I needed a reliable car, I was driving a 99 WV passat while commuting to NYC, now that I work on NJIT campus I needed a reliable car, so I leased an Altima last December. If I ever get around to washing it, it might even look like a new car.
I know your feeling about NJ. They sure do not help NJ's image. Some people are provincial, small minded, stupid or rude by nature. That is their issue, not yours. I know it still hurts and creates internal tension though. You should focus on people that will make you feel happy and welcomed. There are plenty out there. Do not focus on negative, miserable people.
I moved to New Jersey from New York City about three years ago for a job. And they have not been very fun years for me.
In New York City it was easy meeting new people. I'm interested in art, music, culture, literature, politics, current events, career, etc., and you'd bump into a thousand people a day who you could talk to about that stuff. I'd get invited to parties, get-togethers, dating was pretty nice, and there was an endless supply of activities that catered to my interests. Which was really nice!
But I moved to New Jersey and people seem to HATE that stuff here -- like, hate it to the point where I'm treated like I'm suspect for it. The only things that seem to matter to people out here is the car you drive, your house/family, sports, and other stuff that you own. I lived in Montclair because I heard it was more into artsy stuff, but it was the same sort-of thing: your car and house are the most important things about you as a person, or how many status symbols you can string together in a sentence. It's like there was no possibility of there ever being a real person underneath all that stuff.
Now I drive a pretty old car. It's about 10 years old. Bought it dirt cheap, costs nothing to run, and it still has years on it left. I'm doing it to save money since I'm still youngish and want some sort-of future for myself. I could buy a new one in cash if I wanted to. But I've had people spit on it, throw garbage on it, scream obscenities to me about it, give me these weird grins when they look at me, then my car, then back at me, etc. etc. etc. I'm doing pretty decent in all relative terms, but since I live a little below my means, I have gotten some serious **** for it! Like at least one incident a week, sometimes more.
And the people out here seem really aggressive, too. I get "flexed" at by random meat-head looking dudes when I go to the grocery store, people have pointed and snickered at me if I'm wearing old clothes on the weekend when I want to relax. Random bozos hanging out in the parking lots have heckled me. It's ****ing bizarre. It's like every single day is a battle with people here, vying for superiority, or trying to put you down, or something like that. I don't even know what this is, but it's getting pretty stressful.
People just seem really aggressive, angry, miserable, and insecure out here. I'd like to ignore it and move on, but it's happening so often that I think I'm just going to move as soon as I can. Or am I missing something?
I'm sure there are cool people out here, but maybe they're just caught up in their families. I'm single, so maybe that makes a difference. Or it could be the symptom of our economy and current social climate and not necessarily a New Jersey thing. Who knows, but it's friggin annoying to have to deal with this crap every single day.
I think it is funny how you mention no "real" people in north Jersey like NYC...NYC is filled with fake people.
I was raised in the suburbs of NJ and lived there for 18 years before living in DC for 5 years, Northern Virginia for 3, and now NYC for 3+ years....While I have found there are crappy people everywhere, I've never seen those attitudes in any of those places for any of those reasons.
My suggestion would be therapy. I'm not saying you haven't encountered those attitudes at times, but I don't believe people are acting like that everywhere you go with such frequency. Maybe you are internalizing a lot of this and self-conscious about not "fitting in"?
My other suggestion would be to move back to NYC while you're young. For your interests it sounds like the place to be for you. Who knows, maybe one day you will not be dating anymore, going out to clubs and bars, and sick of small apartments, and want to own a house/land, worry about school districts, and stay in on Friday nights....that's the point I'm reaching. Maybe then NJ will be for you.
Last edited by mdfb79; 09-04-2015 at 11:37 AM..
Reason: Spelling.
To the OP: That's too bad you are dealing with this. I've lived downtown JC for over 5 years and have never experienced that. Must be much different culture compared to Montclair
Sounds like whatever the OP is experiencing is just random nuisances that can occur anywhere.
I've lived in NYC for most of my life and imo NJ folks for the most part are more laid back but tend to get irritated if they get pushed or rushed by NYers like me.
There are lots of NJ areas that inherited some of NYC's problems of the former.
The main issue I have in NJ is the elitists and snobbery attitudes of many even within middle income neighborhoods.
Young people can be challenging these days since I've seen some really over-grown teenagers do some really immature stuff in public.
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