the "I left NJ and moved to..." relo report (new home, school)

[allitot]

And don't forget Hollins Univeristy...

[theangryblonde]

I left NJ in 2004 and haven't regretted that decision for a moment. I live in SE Florida, where for the most part the weather is beautiful. I've been through a few hurricanes, and despite that I still think it's the best place to live. Of course every area in the country has parts that are unpleasant to be and people who are unpleasant to deal with, but I make a conscious effort to only surround myself with positive people and leave those negative ones to themselves. We are within an hours drive of more events weekly then I could have been to most events on the Jersey Shore in 6 months. In other words, if I wanted to, I could do something fun, exciting, culturally eye opening, etc., every day/night of the week.

I recently returned to NJ for an Uncle's funeral and was reminded of how dirty and dreary it is. And, it reaffirmed my decision to get out of there and never look back. Just about the only thing I miss is one friend who was always there for me.

[rjs]

Originally Posted by j1n

So, I’ve read a couple of threads on here where someone expressed an interest in hearing about those of us who ended up leaving NJ…where we went, how it’s going, etc. So here’s my relo report.

First, a little background. Me…30-something, married, two kids, NJ born and bred. I grew up in the Millington Heights part of Stirling, in Long Hill Township - Morris County. After high school, I lived in Arkansas for a total of two months. (Don’t ask…it’s a long, involved, and desperate story.)
I returned to NJ, and bounced around from Berkeley Heights to North Plainfield to Bayonne and back to Berkeley Heights. When our daughter was born, we decided to “start a new life” in FL. Big mistake. So we came back to NJ. We went from Berkeley Heights to Somerville (our son was born while we were in Somerville) to Bayonne. We decided that we were tired of trying to make ends meet in NJ, and after much prayer, research, conversation, numbers crunching, etc, we settled on southwestern VA...the Roanoke Valley to be more specific. I got a job at a private equestrian estate prior to the move. About 2-3 weeks after we got here, my wife landed a position with Carilion in Roanoke.

Positives of the relo and southwestern VA...

• The cost of living here is approximately 20% less than NJ. That's a lot. I am making good money and get to be outside all the time getting my hands dirty, breathing fresh air, looking at the mountains, etc. My wife is also making good money for here. Her benefits are excellent. And next week she has an interview for a position that would be an advancement within her current department. Her boss recommended that she go for it, and if she gets it, she will be making right around what she was making in NJ when we left. And it took her 16 years with the same practice in NJ to get to that rate of pay there.

• Our car insurance dropped by approximately 50%. Then I bought an old pickup truck and added it to the policy. Our monthly payment went up a little bit, but the insurance company also gave us a percentage off for having more than one vehicle on the road. Go figure.

• Groceries and stuff like that are maybe a little cheaper here, but it's probably pretty close. However...there are farmers markets, private produce stands, honey for sale, etc everywhere. And if you take advantage of the availability of super fresh local produce, you can save quite a bit.

• There is good, NJ/NYC-style pizza and good Chinese food available. Although I haven't been yet, there are a handful of Thai, Indian, and Japanese restaurants as well.

• We are just south of Roanoke. The schools are good, and the teachers are caring and involved.

• I have used my horn maybe once in the last 6 months. Seriously. Drivers here are generally way more courteous, and quick to move to the slow lane to allow you to pass if you are obviously going faster. I do the same. It feels nice to be nice. On the back roads and at slower speeds, when you pass someone traveling the opposite direction, they will wave to you. I wave back. Often, I wave first.

• The roads and highways are relatively uncrowded, and traffic moves along. There seems to be little to no long-term, oppressive, sit-for-an-hour highway construction.

• The police presence here is much less forceful than in NJ. More warning, less ticketing.

• Crime? Compared to "bad" areas in NJ, it's almost laughable.

• Roanoke is our closest metro area, and is a cool city with a hip downtown...the city is ringed by mountains, has a good arts and music scene, a farmers market downtown, a civic center with sporting events, concerts, etc. Roanoke has all the amenities you could ask for...shopping, dining, etc. And it's growing...a city on the move, if you will.

• Weather. It's virtually the same as NJ, except for winter. Summer, like NJ, is humid and hot. Fall is crisp and clear with beautiful color changes. Winter is odd. We got 2-3 real snows this year, and some ice. The snow tends to melt off anywhere from a couple hours to a couple days...long before it has a chance to turn dirty and grey and become a hard-packed, icy nuisance. Shoveling is practically a non-issue. The snow tends to remain on the mountains a little longer, which looks really nice. A few weeks ago, it was in the 20's. Last week, it hit the 70's. Yesterday and today it was in the 30's and 40's. It's all over the place!

Negatives of the relo and southwestern VA...

• I miss NYC. For all my years with it right there, I took it for granted so often, and now I miss it's vibrancy and uniqueness.

• And I don't know exactly how to explain this, but...
  Folks from the northeast tend to have a certain passion and intensity that I don't get as much from folks here. And there is an old "deepness" to the northeast...a sort of proud and solemn bloodline that seems to run through the ground there that I don't get here. This place seems a lot newer...a lot less permanent...than what I'm used to. Kinda like the difference between a dinner party and tailgating at a football game. Hard to explain but I hope that makes some sense.

• Now we have met some really great folks here...folks who go way out of their way for you. Good, solid people that really care about being good neighbors. At the farm I work at, the farrier once commented to me "we take care of people that take care of us". But there is also a very real good old boy network here. I pass a place that sells all sorts of lawn ornaments and Dixie flags...some with "Heritage Not Hate" or "Redneck" printed on them. Yikes.

• There is also a tangible resentment from some folks...I guess aimed at "outsiders" coming in to the area. Here's an anecdote about dislike of "outsiders". When we first moved to town, we were looking for a place to grab some Sunday lunch. We stopped in at a diner-esque place near our town. I ordered shrimp scampi. After waiting for forever and being all but ignored, I got a little bowl with about 8 small shrimps in a scampi sauce...but no pasta, no rice...nothing to put the scampi over. My wife's meal was like something out of those old school '70's tv dinners. And the attitude and lack of service was appalling. Well, we tried the place again for breakfast, and the food was really good. The scowling waitress (who apparently was barely holding herself back from snapping and taking our lives) was so unpleasant that you almost were scared to ask for a coffee refill or for extra creamers. Well, a few weeks ago, we had family in town and went out to get breakfast. They were the only real place around, so we went. We got the attitude, an oppressively long wait (for a place that wasn't even busy), and some of my food was cold. To top it off, when I went to pay our part of the bill the lady asked me if we were traveling. I responded that some of us were, but that we lived there. Hopefully she will know in the future that an accent (or lack of one, as the case may be) doesn't necessarily mean you are an outsider. Not all of her neighbors are going to sound or look the same.

But overall, the move has been a good and positive one. We are learning the ways and pace of a new place and different people. You have to accept that you left a specific place behind, and that it is unfair to expect the new one to replicate it. If you are going to complain about how much different things are, you should have just stayed where you were. You have to be the kind of neighbor you would want to have. Keep your head down, mind your business, adapt, and enjoy a new adventure.

Awesome story....! And how true. When we are FORCED to leave the N.E, due to crushing econimics, wherever we end up, its never even remotely close in comparison to Jersey\NYC. When I left for TX in 89', I recall no one wanted to speak with me due to my N.E. "How-yuu-doin", accient...And food wise, please.......it was like being in the federal Witness Protection Pgm.!!.

Its just too bad we have to leave the confinds of our proud heritage and seek more affordable way of life in the south\southwest.

[NJ2VA]

Nice! I live in stafford, moved there from NJ. I think you have a great point, don't try to make stafford into NJ. Its better to learn and adapt to the new environment. Thanks for posting

[todd72173]

NJ was once good about 15+ years ago. Grew up and raised in central, monmouth county. Now, alot of immigrants moved from SI/Brooklyn to perth amboy and any areas by Outerbridge.. Destroyed those areas and moving more south,. NJ is not what it was. Moved to Ohio with a family and will not look back. Cheaper, cleaner, safer, friendlier. Sorry NJ, you were good in the past, but not anymore.

[idesignstuff]

this is an old thread, but to the writer..well written! I moved to Central West Virginia and have experienced the same both the pros and cons..although I see one policeman maybe once a month, and have only used my horn to get deer off the road and once a black bear.

you said something along the lines of a lack of passion..same here. Really nice people, wonderful state, but overall lacking the 'oomph' of my fellow Jerseyans. I miss NYC, the boards at the shore, pork roll and ethnic diversity.

so again, kudos, well written!
exit 114
LB

[Citizen Chin]

Lots of interesting stories in this thread. I'd like to invite you all to share your stories at a blog I've setup specifically for those of us that have left NJ behind, or are considering doing so:

http://escapefromjersey.blogspot.com/

[C2Cfan]

And I don't know exactly how to explain this, but...
Folks from the northeast tend to have a certain passion and intensity that I don't get as much from folks here. And there is an old "deepness" to the northeast...a sort of proud and solemn bloodline that seems to run through the ground there that I don't get here. This place seems a lot newer...a lot less permanent...than what I'm used to. Kinda like the difference between a dinner party and tailgating at a football game. Hard to explain but I hope that makes some sense.

Makes perfect sense to me, which is why I've always returned, even after almost 7 years away during one stint in another state.

There is also a tangible resentment from some folks...I guess aimed at "outsiders" coming in to the area....

I know what you mean. However, during this current stint away from NJ, I've begun to make VERY clear to people that as CITIZENS, especially we natural-born ones, we are FREE to move about the country, and that we, as New Jerseyans, have had to tolerate ALL MANNER of outsiders and various and sundry a'holes from all over the country, to the extent that NJ is the densest state in the nation. And we get the influx of illegals, too. ASSERT YOURSELF, while smiling, of course. It's not you they should be pissed with--it's the ILLEGALS! IMO, of course.

[C2Cfan]

Originally Posted by kelsie

Yes Jerseyman, everyone from NJ still think we are "nuts" and ask everytime we go back there, "when are you two coming home"? My husbands reply is, "we will be leaving to go back HOME in a couple of days", and we laugh as we get the confused blank stare. Don't get me wrong NC is not for everyone, 5 mos of 90+ humidity can get anyone crazy by the end of August, but to be able to have Thanksgiving on your back deck is a fair trade, and I am enjoying having a fire in the fireplace this month, instead of "having" to have a fire when we lived in So. Jersey. We had to come up 2 times in 6 mos. for 3 funerals, that puts reality into perspective. We enjoy visiting, but enjoy the "Welcome To North Carolina" sign more and knowing we are only 1 1/2 hrs. to our home. kelsie

Glad your move is working out! I think the key to a successful move out of Jersey is to do it with a spouse, partner, or some terrific friends. Maybe with a spouse-partner AND friends would be ideal. Going it alone often doesn't cut it. I hope you two have developed good friendships in NC.

[LisaMc46]

My hubby and I and our two kids moved from Essex County to Vermont eight years ago. Here are my thoughts:

Positives:
Unsurpassed natural beauty. During my commute to work I see mountains, woods and open fields and farmland instead of the boarded up factories and billboards I saw when commuting along Route 21 to downtown Newark.

Safety: Crime is almost non-existant in my small town. I can't remember the last time I locked my car door. The major crimes here are duis and people who get busted for growing pot or domestic issues.

Great schools: Vermont has a school funding system where every town gets the same amount of money to spend per student. So even the poorer towns provide a decent education. Also class sizes are small and Vermont consistantly leads the nation when it comes to standardized test scores and the percentage of residents with college educations.

No pressure to keep up with the Joneses: People here are laid back. They don't care what kind of car you drive, what brand of clothing you wear or how big your house is.

Negatives:

Jobs: Good jobs are hard to come by. We are still making less than we did in N.J. 8 years ago even though we have higher-level positions and more work experience.

Lack of diversity: Vermont is one of the whitest states in the nation. I can go for weeks without seeing another Italian and the only time I see an African American or Hispanic is when I go to Burilington (a major city).

High property taxes: Sure, we pay less than we would for the same house/land in N.J., but it eats up a larger portion of our income.

Crazy politics: Vermont is probably one of the most liberal states in the nation. It's also been ranked as the "most secular" state. Life can be hard if you're a conservative Christian.

Long winters: Winter lasts from November through April. It's not uncommon for it to dip below zero degrees for days at a time in February. Last February, school was cancelled b/c it was 30 below one morning and the school buses couldn't start their engines. I like snow, but it snows over 200 inches in an average year, which is a bit much, especially when you have to snow blow a 400-foot driveway.

The bottom line:

I could never imagine moving back to N.J. On the other hand, I don't think that Vermont will be the last stop for us. We'll probably retire to North Carolina after our kids are grown because of the warmer weather, lower cost of living and more conservative political climate.