U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > New Jersey
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
 
 
Old 03-18-2008, 06:33 PM
 
4,891 posts, read 12,114,847 times
Reputation: 3618

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
Well, you sound like you have a career verses me who had a job.
Sorry, I guess I wasn't understanding your post, which now that I reread it sounds like you are torn on whether to move here, continue to work & commute or stay put.

I can tell you that only you know the answer to that. No one knows you or your family. My daughter has had issues since 5th grade and I've had to run to her school a lot. Had I worked at the time, I would have gotten fired for sure. What are you going to do if one of your kids has issues at school or get sick and you are working far away?

I don't know Brooklyn, so I can't compare it to NJ. Have you picked any areas in NJ to move to?


Yes. It's why it's so appealing to people from North Jersey. There are actually a few people that I graduated high school with that also live down here.

There was no way we could do it had we stayed in Edison & Roselle (where I grew up) was not in the options. This particular house someone can get a decent house for someone else's misfortunes as the owner lost the house after his wife's cancer diagnosis/death. He tried to keep the house but couldn't, and for some reason can't get it sold. I would love to see someone move in so that my daughters friend and her family can move on with their lives. I've taken it upon myself to keep the Zillow page updated lol

The quality of life is pretty good down here. I do not miss the traffic & the air is a lot cleaner.



I had a SAHM and wish she worked. lol
Anyway, Hope, your posts are a little confusing; I had to go back and reread them.
You were the product of 2 working parents & practically raised yourself. You do not have a close relationship with your parents still and used to work in a daycare when you were in college....

You then got pregnant & your mom was going to be the person staying with the baby but she then changed her mind so you ended up working and your hubby changed his shift to nights. I guess at some point this got old and you realized you were missing out on your childs life and quit and are now a SAHM? Is that right?

I can assure you there is no right answer here. If I am reading your post right, for you working was not the right choice because you already tried it. I don't get why it was ok for your mother to watch your child even after you worked at a daycare and knew you'd be missing this stuff, even after you swore you'd never leave your child to work. I'm getting mixed signals here reading your post, but it's ok... you are human and like the rest of us, you made decisions that affected your family and are still making choices for what is right for your family.

You were given the option to make these choices just like the rest of us. Honestly, after being in this situation myself, there is no right answer. Mothers and fathers all have to try what they have planned and if the original plan fails have to change plans. Some won't give up the house, TV & car to live paycheck to paycheck while for others they will live in a shack. If the family is happy with it's decisions, then it's the right choice for that family.
yes i swore i would never put my child in a day care center, but i was ok with leaving himwith my mother--because i didnt hae a choice--i needed to work. yes my working days and DH working nights got very old and fast. we made the decision that we could not afford to live in NJ and go through all this until school started so we moved.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-18-2008, 07:20 PM
 
Location: NJ
7,126 posts, read 13,826,295 times
Reputation: 3868
Quote:
Originally Posted by findinghope View Post
yes i swore i would never put my child in a day care center, but i was ok with leaving himwith my mother--because i didnt hae a choice--i needed to work. yes my working days and DH working nights got very old and fast. we made the decision that we could not afford to live in NJ and go through all this until school started so we moved.

I'm sure it was hard for you as that much I do get. Hopefully you are at peace now. I don't doubt you enjoy being there for your child. I cherished every moment with mine, especially the 2nd one because I knew i wasn't having any more babies. They grow so fast, one day they fit in your lap to rock, next they don't. You can't get those days back.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2008, 07:35 PM
 
240 posts, read 659,623 times
Reputation: 77
I remember reading somewhere back when my son was a baby, that the first three years of a babies life create his/her confidence and feelings of security that they take with them into adulthood. Is anyone else familiar with this? I am not sure exactly what it was now. I am not sure about its accuracy either. If so, it might make some decisions easier as to whether or not put children into day care earlier rather than when they are in school. Three years can be very critical if so.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2008, 08:35 PM
 
1,748 posts, read 4,053,961 times
Reputation: 1123
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJTeach View Post
I remember reading somewhere back when my son was a baby, that the first three years of a babies life create his/her confidence and feelings of security that they take with them into adulthood. Is anyone else familiar with this? I am not sure exactly what it was now. I am not sure about its accuracy either. If so, it might make some decisions easier as to whether or not put children into day care earlier rather than when they are in school. Three years can be very critical if so.
You might be thinking about T. Berry Brazelton, a pediatrician who wrote extensively about the parent/infant bonding process in the early 70's. Cutting edge stuff back then.
This discussion always spirals downward into a working parent vs. stay at home parent argument and is completely counter productive.
There is no "right" answer to this, relatively, new situation.
Women (historically) have been the caregivers but are now encouraged to be competitive and self suffiencient, thank goodness (reference Silda Spitzer).
Bottom line is (IMHO) families need to make decisions based on their personal needs and what works for them.
Unhappy parents makes for a very unpleasant environment for kids.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2008, 08:38 PM
 
Location: NJ
11,698 posts, read 21,524,466 times
Reputation: 4487
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJTeach View Post
I remember reading somewhere back when my son was a baby, that the first three years of a babies life create his/her confidence and feelings of security that they take with them into adulthood. Is anyone else familiar with this? I am not sure exactly what it was now. I am not sure about its accuracy either. If so, it might make some decisions easier as to whether or not put children into day care earlier rather than when they are in school. Three years can be very critical if so.

this is true - but daycare is not contraindicated. i believe they are talking about severly neglected children, not children put in nurturing environments outside the home.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2008, 08:43 PM
 
Location: NJ
11,698 posts, read 21,524,466 times
Reputation: 4487
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseyj View Post
You might be thinking about T. Berry Brazelton, a pediatrician who wrote extensively about the parent/infant bonding process in the early 70's. Cutting edge stuff back then.
This discussion always spirals downward into a working parent vs. stay at home parent argument and is completely counter productive.
There is no "right" answer to this, relatively, new situation.
Women (historically) have been the caregivers but are now encouraged to be competitive and self suffiencient, thank goodness (reference Silda Spitzer).
Bottom line is (IMHO) families need to make decisions based on their personal needs and what works for them.
Unhappy parents makes for a very unpleasant environment for kids.
yes, this is true. only recently has society evolved into a "child centric" one. back in "the day" - most moms stayed at home simply because the modern conveniences we have now weren't around - it was not because "it was best for the child". it was a full time job just taking care of the house. there was no "mommy and me swimming", playdates, library time, baby mozart, infant massage, etc etc etc. plus, extended families typically lived close by and helped out whenever possible.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2008, 09:12 PM
 
Location: In My Own Little World. . .
3,238 posts, read 5,823,131 times
Reputation: 1559
Quote:
Originally Posted by mike0421 View Post
Colleen,

Congratulations on your move. How do you like the Sooner State so far? What area did you move to? Unless you are living in a highly suburbanized neighborhood in OK City, your move was an extreme one. My hat is off to you.
Things are currently a little rocky. My husband's job is extremely stressful and demanding. He's not happy with it, and may look for something else. My 18 year old is talking about moving back to NJ this summer. My 16 year old daughter has already made a couple of friends and I'm happy as well. We moved to Mustang, OK, which is outside of Oklahoma City. It's very much like the little town in NJ we moved from. But, there is certainly a lot of things different, which will take some time for everyone to adjust to. Still unpacking boxes by the way. We still believe we did the right thing and it will all work out. Thanks for asking.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2008, 09:22 PM
 
6 posts, read 21,141 times
Reputation: 13
Jersey is to expensive... the people do not smile back at you on the street's. I hope you aren't looking for a place where everyone knows your name? In Jersey everyone needs to get to where they are going and don't give a *##& about you. I have lived in Jersey all my life and I like Jersey...but I am done with it. Will be moving in the next 5-6 months.

And if you have children in the School system... make sure you are practicing amazing parenting. The school system's are not like when I went to school. Kids know much more adult type of things at a young age. Its scary some of this kids have parents that are non-existent in their lives and learn adult things way before the appropriate age. Maybe innocence doesn't exist anymore Jersey or anywhere else, but holy crap I want to smack the attitudes out of some of these little brats. My mother didn't raise me like that. Make sure you are like a Hawk!
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2008, 09:32 PM
 
Location: In My Own Little World. . .
3,238 posts, read 5,823,131 times
Reputation: 1559
Quote:
Originally Posted by seabeauty822 View Post
Jersey is to expensive... the people do not smile back at you on the street's. I hope you aren't looking for a place where everyone knows your name? In Jersey everyone needs to get to where they are going and don't give a *##& about you. I have lived in Jersey all my life and I like Jersey...but I am done with it. Will be moving in the next 5-6 months.

And if you have children in the School system... make sure you are practicing amazing parenting. The school system's are not like when I went to school. Kids know much more adult type of things at a young age. Its scary some of this kids have parents that are non-existent in their lives and learn adult things way before the appropriate age. Maybe innocence doesn't exist anymore Jersey or anywhere else, but holy crap I want to smack the attitudes out of some of these little brats. My mother didn't raise me like that. Make sure you are like a Hawk!
This may have been your experience, but it's not true of New Jersey as a whole. I lived there for years in a small town where you pretty much found it hard to go anywhere and not run into someone you knew. People smiled at you, and were very helpful and friendly. The only reason we left NJ was due to the cost of living. I worked in several NJ public schools and while there were misbehaving students, as a whole the students were happy and productive. It sounds like you should move. You're not very happy.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-19-2008, 08:48 AM
 
222 posts, read 547,529 times
Reputation: 86
[quote=Roselvr;3180910]Well, you sound like you have a career verses me who had a job.
Sorry, I guess I wasn't understanding your post, which now that I reread it sounds like you are torn on whether to move here, continue to work & commute or stay put.

I can tell you that only you know the answer to that. No one knows you or your family. My daughter has had issues since 5th grade and I've had to run to her school a lot. Had I worked at the time, I would have gotten fired for sure. What are you going to do if one of your kids has issues at school or get sick and you are working far away?
quote]

Yeah, it is abour career, not just one particular job.

In terms of problems at schools, sorry I am not there yet and do not want to predict what will happen if problems arrive. I go step by step. I learnt from my husband to worry about thing when they will come to you and happen. Of course I analyze different situations, but still will deal with that particular one when it happens. If I need to leave work because of kids, I will do that. Or we will find other solutions.

For now, I work and I am 20 weeks pregnant...with high risk pregnancy..and I have 16 MO son who want to play all the time. Loosing the first child while being 24 weeks pregnant, I really need to make sure that it will not happen again. That's the priority for the next 10 weeks or so to take care of myself as much as I can for the benefit of my family and new human being. That horrible thing cannot happen again...Step by step - that works much better than thinking what will I do in 10 years if I need to leave my work.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > New Jersey

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top