Post Prom/Post Grad Beach Rentals?? (Belmar, Wildwood: houses, school, college)

[jy_2007]

i got shore houses in my teens and throughout college. There was lots of booze, music and above all, FUN. Like i said in an earlier post - i think it's rite of passage in NJ. You folks have to realize that experimenting with alcohol (amongst other things) is part of being a teenager. I'll never forget my first night of college (as looong ago as it was...). I went to a party and saw people completely out of control acting like absolute morons - because they had never been out of their parents grip and didn't know how to handle it. I remember calling all my buddies up and they said the same thing about their colleges.

Didn't you guys party and live it up in your teens?

[deere110]

Originally Posted by b75

I have several friends that are cops. Ironically they committed all of the above offenses as kids including drug use, underage drinking etc. What separates them is that they never got caught so they went on to have a very good life.

Whether they got caught or not-the fact remains-teenagers truly believe that they are 10 feet tall, bulletproof, and immortal. No matter how good "good" kids are, they are still going get into trouble now and then-maybe they'll get caught, maybe there will be consequences, maybe there won't be. What matters is whether or not their parents are going to blatantly hand them opportunities to screw up-ie: go to the shore completely unsupervised for an entire weekend. I fully expect my kids to sneak around behind my back-what they won't realize is that their old man did his fair share of sneaking and knows a thing or two. I won't catch them every time, but I bet I'll catch them enough to make them think twice about who's looking over their shoulder when they least expect it. Then they'll grow up like I did and realize what dumb and irresponsible things they did, how lucky they are, and how much they jeopardized their future.

And if that's not enough, consider this. How much comfort do you think it gives Natalie Holloway's parents to know that she was having a lot of fun with her friends, free of parental supervision on the night she died?

[b75]

Funny b/c many of said cop friends went away on spring break in H.S & did the prom w/end things too & their parents knew. Heck one of my friends' parents use to have parties where they bought the alcohol for us. I don't agree with giving kids a record for participating in activities that many successful people also partook in. The consequences don't equate to the indiscretion. I think sneaking around & being deceptive are much worse character traits to foster in a person. In my household deception was a much more serious issue then having a beer underage was. One is an actual character trait; the other is a momentary action. I tend to agree with that mentality. I have zero tolerance for any sort of duplicitous behavior in my adult life & I have to credit that to the unconventional way my parents handled things. However that being said once again the idea of sending my kids off as teens without me close by to participate in some drunkfest does scare me & I don't know how I will handle that.

BTW odds of someone winding up like Natalee Holloway are ridiculously low. It is much more likely that a kid will get busted for underage drinking or possession of pot which could wind up interfering with future job prospects.

Originally Posted by deere110

Whether they got caught or not-the fact remains-teenagers truly believe that they are 10 feet tall, bulletproof, and immortal. No matter how good "good" kids are, they are still going get into trouble now and then-maybe they'll get caught, maybe there will be consequences, maybe there won't be. What matters is whether or not their parents are going to blatantly hand them opportunities to screw up-ie: go to the shore completely unsupervised for an entire weekend. I fully expect my kids to sneak around behind my back-what they won't realize is that their old man did his fair share of sneaking and knows a thing or two. I won't catch them every time, but I bet I'll catch them enough to make them think twice about who's looking over their shoulder when they least expect it. Then they'll grow up like I did and realize what dumb and irresponsible things they did, how lucky they are, and how much they jeopardized their future.

And if that's not enough, consider this. How much comfort do you think it gives Natalie Holloway's parents to know that she was having a lot of fun with her friends, free of parental supervision on the night she died?

[BarbaraNJ]

Originally Posted by AJGIANTS

The point is they do not understand this until it happens. Teenagers rarely think ahead. And the evidence is all of the beach towns that have had to change or create new town ordinances just to deal with out of control teenagers.

I think they do understand, maybe not all of them. But they just went through a rigorous application process and they know colleges are much stricter in ther decision process nowadays. They have been told by parents and school guidance counselors. Will there be kids who choose to ignore all that and may have to pay a price absolutely. But that is how they learn. When my daughter was going into high school I had a talk with her about not being afraid of coming to me if she ever made a bad choice. She was indignant that I didn't trust her to know the right things to do. I told her I did trust her but that she would at some point in her life make the wrong choice either on her own or due to peer pressure, it's part of growing up. I'm very lucky she is now a senior and she has made me eat my words . But I don't know what college will bring. I still maintain there are very few people out there who didn't make mistakes as a kid and grow into a responsible adult.

[juliann1977]

Whether they got caught or not-the fact remains-teenagers truly believe that they are 10 feet tall, bulletproof, and immortal.

This is the biggest issue, IMO. Something occurs during late adolescent development that quells this belief. Depending on the person, it occurs somewhere between 18 and 25 or so. When I was 17, I thought nothing of driving over 100 mph on I-75 (that's the Ohio equivalent of the Turnpike). And I was a super good kid. Just because I'm lucky I'm not dead doesn't mean I should be tolerant of my daughter (in 15 years or so) doing the same.

Teenagers do really stupid stuff, and I don't think parents should condone it.

[deere110]

Originally Posted by juliann1977

Teenagers do really stupid stuff, and I don't think parents should condone it.

That's all I'm saying. I can't tell you how many times I've said to myself "Wow-thank God that I'm not only still alive, I also have all my limbs, both eyes, and all twenty fingers and toes!" Sue me for worrying that kids may not be so lucky one day-because that's all it is-dumb luck. Once I left a party with a friend and we both said to each other "I thought you were going to be DD?" It was his car so he drove and I went with him, against my better judgment. Being 19 and "10 feet tall and bulletproof" he decided to nail it on the highway. The car hit a pot hole, we lost control, and spun around multiple times before coming to a stop on the median, miraculously not hitting anything. The only thing that separated me from the kid from my high school that died later that year in an alcohol related car crash was, you guessed it, a little bit of luck.

[b75]

I loved it when I hung out with a friend of mine. His parents, who were criticized roundly for being his friend, would come get us no questions asked if we were drunk. They are all very successful adults now & everyone lived. Thank God some parents have open honest relationships with their kids.

Look I'm not advocating kids be sent to annual drunkfests - all I'm saying is sometimes we get a little to wrapped up in being punitive instead of seeing the big picture. Bottom line is many kids experiment with substances & barring any legal trouble turn out to be fine upstanding citizens. Odds are they aren't going to get killed either but parents should be there to shield them so they remain safe. Additionally there is something wrong with arresting kids for partaking in activities that many of the same officers themselves may have participated in & just not been caught. I think the fact that we encourage deceit & sneaking around is perhaps one of the bigger issues here. My job as a parent will be to keep my kid safe & raise them to be a solid contributing member of society. I don't need to deal with people whose salaries I help pay getting in the way of the effort when they should just be helping me.

As for the original question - like I said I did the beach house thing in my teens & my parents knew about. But personally I wouldn't, as a landlord rent to a bunch of kids. Given the advent of cell phones I might let my kid go & if I lived far away I'd maybe see about renting a condo in the area too (not that their friends would know) so I could be accessible should they need me to help them out of a situation.

Originally Posted by deere110

That's all I'm saying. I can't tell you how many times I've said to myself "Wow-thank God that I'm not only still alive, I also have all my limbs, both eyes, and all twenty fingers and toes!" Sue me for worrying that kids may not be so lucky one day-because that's all it is-dumb luck. Once I left a party with a friend and we both said to each other "I thought you were going to be DD?" It was his car so he drove and I went with him, against my better judgment. Being 19 and "10 feet tall and bulletproof" he decided to nail it on the highway. The car hit a pot hole, we lost control, and spun around multiple times before coming to a stop on the median, miraculously not hitting anything. The only thing that separated me from the kid from my high school that died later that year in an alcohol related car crash was, you guessed it, a little bit of luck.

[deere110]

Originally Posted by b75

I don't need to deal with people whose salaries I help pay getting in the way of the effort when they should just be helping me.

Wow. I suppose if said people whose salaries you pay pull you over for speeding they should give you a pat on the back instead of a ticket?

[DodgeViper01]

When I was in HS there was a problem renting because of age as well. As a property owner, I would just meet the teens in question first and then if I liked them or thought they were worthy, I would rent to them and just take a large security deposit. When a large amount of money is at stake, they tend to behave a bit. If anything was damaged then you are covered.

[yankeemom]

Originally Posted by DodgeViper01

When I was in HS there was a problem renting because of age as well. As a property owner, I would just meet the teens in question first and then if I liked them or thought they were worthy, I would rent to them and just take a large security deposit. When a large amount of money is at stake, they tend to behave a bit. If anything was damaged then you are covered.

I started this thread because I was interested in parents perspective, now that they are parents. I think looking back, of course lots of people have memories, but times have changed folks! Regarding just taking a large security, it may help in some cases, but face it, even taking over $1000 for a weekend could possibly not even begin to cover damages. As an adult, look at it from an owners perspective-puke on a carpet? flat screen tv knocked over while playing football? spilled booze on my new couch? Cigarette burns? How much $$$ have we hit with just a few incidents. If they go over the security, try taking teens to small claims court.

Now, I already mentioned safety. Again think as an adult, not rememberiing your own wild oats and every one you know who came out ok. Not everyone does. Just last season a deck collapsed on Long Beach Island and 2 kids had to be airlifted to the hospital. Of course everyone said the deck had not been adequately maintained. fair enough. How many of you adults know the condition of the houses these kids are heading down to? Is it a legal rental? Working smoke detectors? fire extinguishers? Adequate egress from bedrooms? Was work done to code, with inspections? or did the owner save a few bucks and do any updates without permits or inspections? if you don't know the answers to these kinds of question, you may gambling with the kids lives. It takes a lot of effort to parent teens, and too many are willing to abdicate that responsibility to schools, the community and others, then jump in with a lawsuit when everthing comes crumbling down. Regarding the poster who said they would consider a nearby condo rental, I suggested a nearby duplex to one group and the mom was horrified, had no desire to spend her week supervising the kids, and said "her daughter wouldn't allow that" EXCUSE ME???