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It's commendable that you are keeping a cool head and want to do the right thing.
I do have two concerns. First, I'm wondering what the attitude of the parents was when dealing with this. I know that they paid for the phone, but did they give you any clear assurance that they would be dealing with this properly, or did they seem to be comfortable with putting this all behind them as quickly as possible? If it's the latter, it would be a big red flag. I try not to think the worst, but in a case like this I have to wonder.
Second concern: I think that you should find a way to document this in case it comes back up later. Not necessarily saying to go to police, but find a way to keep this story straight if it arises again. It might be much more problematic if it does.
Also, I'm personally of the same school of thought as G1 and others who question the appropriate age for social media. That being said, I like your idea of your daughter 'journaling' the different ages so that she can look back one day, that's a very cool idea. I'm wondering if there is a way for you to actualize that idea and still put in place the necessary controls to keep her from potentially being exposed to situations like this along with cyberbullying, predators, etc. Even the best behaved and most properly raised children can run into problems on social media. It's unfortunate, but the vigilance always has to be there, no matter the age.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
only spoke to the mother and at that point it seemed to be denial and "not my kids, they are good kids." not in an obnoxious way. there has been no communication since the initial nights meetings.
i recorded my conversations with the woman that were in person. unfortunately my phone call recorder failed but most of that is repeated in the conversations in person. i have the stuff from facebook and the stuff from the 'findmyphone" that i used to locate them.
my philosophy isnt consistent with those who want to avoid social media and phone ownership for young children. this incident really hasnt changed anything. she will probably start locking her phone with a PIN now. i think a lot of people who want to protect their kids by banning this stuff are thinking like a generation of people who grew up without the technology.
Last edited by CaptainNJ; 12-10-2018 at 01:39 PM..
only spoke to the mother and at that point it seemed to be denial and "not my kids, they are good kids." not in an obnoxious way. there has been no communication since the initial nights meetings.
i recorded my conversations with the woman that were in person. unfortunately my phone call recorder failed but most of that is repeated in the conversations in person. i have the stuff from facebook and the stuff from the 'findmyphone" that i used to locate them.
my philosophy isnt consistent with those who want to avoid social media and phone ownership for young children. this incident really hasnt changed anything. she will probably start locking her phone with a PIN now. i think a lot of people who want to protect their kids by banning this stuff are thinking like a generation of people who grew up without the technology.
FWIW I don't have an issue with you giving your child the phone. It's all subjective anyway. My son got one at an early age because I was a single mom working full time and it was vital he be able to contact me at a moment's notice if necessary. I thought all phones were locked by default now but I guess not in your daughter's case. Good luck. This #$%%^ isn't easy.
FWIW I don't have an issue with you giving your child the phone. It's all subjective anyway. My son got one at an early age because I was a single mom working full time and it was vital he be able to contact me at a moment's notice if necessary. I thought all phones were locked by default now but I guess not in your daughter's case. Good luck. This #$%%^ isn't easy.
i dont lock mine. i can remotely wipe it if i need to. i just dont like the inconvenience of unlocking it every use.
in addition to her phone, she has a device called a "gizmopal" that she can use to call or text a selected group of people. i can also use it to track her location. she wears is regularly as a watch. her phone is more like a mini tablet for her since she doesnt really have service on it.
i just signed into google on my computer and located my phone. when i did, a notification popped up on my phone that the device was located. so that explains why the kid took a hammer to the phone. too late then. my daughter is happy. she got a phone upgrade with the money the lady sent. i accused her of putting together the diabolical plan with the girl just to get herself a new phone. she doesnt really know about the pornography part, just that her phone was taken and destroyed. i have to say, im not really bothered by the incident. while i understand it could have gone much worse, its hard for me to get worked up over what could have happened. as it was, there was very limited negative consequences of the action.
Last edited by CaptainNJ; 12-10-2018 at 02:35 PM..
my philosophy isnt consistent with those who want to avoid social media and phone ownership for young children. this incident really hasnt changed anything. she will probably start locking her phone with a PIN now. i think a lot of people who want to protect their kids by banning this stuff are thinking like a generation of people who grew up without the technology.
That's a good idea. Easy to lock the phone.
When my oldest was in 7th grade (now a sophomore in college) he had minutely similar incident happen to him - he was the one being harassed on his cell phone. Sexually harassed. Very long story short: found out my friend's son was as well (by the same # which was through a texting app) & she had brought it to the school's attention about two months before we did (she was asked to keep the issue quiet while the school "investigated"). We also brought the issue to the school's attention immediately. Then found out there was a 3rd student involved. The only thing the 3 boys had in common was that they were all in the 7th grade at the same school. Either another student or staff member had to be the offender. County prosecutor's office ended up getting involved & "we" were assigned an investigator. Found out who the number generated by the texting app belonged to. Investigator couldn't tell us & the school didn't tell us. There were several meetings between the school admin & the 3 sets of parents. Offender's parents wanted to keep their child anonymous for fear of retaliation and "rumor spreading" by the 3 boys who were harassed and their parents. School wasn't going to ask the offender to leave via their lawyers wanting to avoid a lawsuit by offender's parents. Had another meeting after learning this got enough info out of the admin to figure out who the offender was (private school, not hard to do). We all had younger children in the school and didn't want to be sending our kids over to the offender's house for a playdate/sleepover with a sibling the offender may have.
Offender's "punishment" was to get outside counseling.
Eventually the offender apologized to all 3, individually, with his parents/school lawyer/outside psychologist in the room.
One of the victims transferred to a different school for 8th grade b/c of this incident & how it was handled. My son & my friend's son never said a word to anyone; they and the offender graduated from the school without further incident.
yesterday around 4:30pm i started getting text messages via facebook messenger from my 8 year old daughters account. they were primarily pornographic pictures and then text asking if i saw the pictures. they became aware that i am the father, repeated the word "dad" and actually called me twice. the first time i picked up and a computerized little girl voice asked me if i saw the pictures. i figured some person hacked her account probably in another country. so i call my wife to close her facebook account.
i leave the office to go home and i call my wife and find out that my daughter's phone is missing and she thinks its with a specific girl who she had given it to in order to put it in my daughters backpack. this girl is a friend that was sitting next to her on the bus. i told my wife to try "find my phone' because i thought i put it on and bam, we have an address. but it stopped tracking around 5pm or so.
so i drive straight to that address and it happens to be the girl's home who my daughter said she gave the phone. girl denies. i leave with a phone number and expectation of a call within a half hour. so a half hour later, the girl magically has the phone and it has bad scratches (phone was in perfect condition). i return and the phone was obviously intentionally destroyed. logically, the kid who was using it destroyed it after my wife cut off facebook (that is why i was no longer able to track it).
anyway, lady believes her daughter found the phone on the bus and "is choosing to believe her" and she doesnt think her sons would do anything like sending the porno. but the case is pretty solid.
after, my wife called her and demanded reimbursement for the phone and she sent over $200.
now, i wanted to leave it between parents but her denial of any wrongdoing has me thinking that i should take it to the school and/or police. im not looking to ruin anyone's life but the kid sending porno on an 8 year olds page and calling me is pretty aggressive and im thinking i may not be right to leave it to the mother who seems to pretend that her kids are innocent.
An 8 year old has no business being on facebook to begin with. Or having a phone with internet access on it, or actually, having a phone at all. My daughter didn't get a phone until she was 12.
An 8 year old has no business being on facebook to begin with. Or having a phone with internet access on it, or actually, having a phone at all. My daughter didn't get a phone until she was 12.
Drop the matter and consider it a lesson learned.
OMG! You gave your daughter a phone at 12? My parents didn’t give me one until I was thirty.
An 8 year old has no business being on facebook to begin with. Or having a phone with internet access on it, or actually, having a phone at all. My daughter didn't get a phone until she was 12.
Drop the matter and consider it a lesson learned.
Maybe you should write a law.
.......Or maybe we could vote on what age his daughter can have a phone.
.......Or maybe we could vote on what age his daughter can have a phone.
of course, other people should have the right to vote on what other people's children can and cant do. voting makes everything ok. jackal has a good point that 12 is too young. i didnt get my first phone until i was in college.
she is officially back on facebook and with a new phone (we bought a used phone) to replace hers. she is also back to speaking to the girl. my wife gave her a lecture on not talking to the girl anymore. separately, she said to me that she can avoid her on the bus but not in class. so i just said that she can talk to her but needs to understand that she shouldnt be friends with her. i dont want to set up rules that i cant really enforce.
You know what.... he came on here and asked for opinions / advice.
And I gave him mine.
and i appreciate that. that doesnt guarantee that nobody will respond to your comments.
and you wanted that response otherwise you would have worded your post differently.
and i am totally fine with that. either way.
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