Mom Culture in Suburban NJ Towns (Montclair, Hoboken: attorney, house, to buy)
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Mom culture seems to be amplified by 200x. Some of the stuff I read on Facebook Town/Mom groups has me legitimately worried about buying a home. Good luck OP
I'm not sure how old the above poster is but prior to Bernardsville and Summit I lived in Hoboken. Many couples in my neighborhood moved from Hoboken/JC too. We're all in higher level jobs and dual working families. The above poster is having a much different experience from me. Again I don't really know anyone who stays home since we all have professional careers.
We have lived in Hoboken for eight years and have three kids. Our oldest will be starting Kindergarten in September.
We may move soon, or we may try to stay for four more years to take advantage of the PreK program for our younger two.
I grew up in Short Hills and did not like the pressure cooker high school experience. So actually Montclair was my first choice for a suburb because it offers walkability and diversity. But I am getting lured in by the more flexible train schedule in Summit.
Mom culture seems to be amplified by 200x. Some of the stuff I read on Facebook Town/Mom groups has me legitimately worried about buying a home. Good luck OP
Ha! Thanks. Is there any way to compare/contrast the cultures in each town? I really want to find the best fit and it is unclear how to research the intangibles. Or are they all similar? Montclair and Maplewood seem different from Short Hills / Summit / Chatham but maybe I am splitting hairs.
There's definitely a difference between those towns in terms of demographics. There's little to no economic diversity in Short Hills and Chatham--parts of Summit have slightly more economic diversity. Whereas Montclair and Maplewood/South Orange have a lot more economic diversity, every income range. In terms of ethnic diversity, since you grew up in Short Hills, you are probably already aware that those schools tend to be white (jewish and non jewish) and asian (east and south). Very few Hispanic and African Americans. The few black students in any of these districts are more likely to be 2nd gen kids of white collar african immigrants, due to the lack of economic diversity.
I don't have any real statistics about the working/non working moms issue. Anecdotally, my friend group from Hoboken who have moved to those suburbs are split exactly evenly, with half working and half being SAHMs...BUT it was similar in Hoboken. All the SAHMs were SAH in Hoboken as well. My friend that moved to Summit found out her kiddo was only going to be in half day (and half day was actually only like 2.5 hours)--so that might be a possibility. Apparently, their K program is crowded, so they moved some kids to half day. I'm not sure if the other districts have any form of public pre-k of half-vs-full day K. Not sure if that makes a difference to you. Again, anecdotally, SoMa and Montclair tend to be more artsy and liberal, although recent stats in Summit and Chatham and Millburn all skewed more democrat in the last elections as well.
One last thing--I have an acquaintance through an educational committee I chair that works at Columbia HS. Even though overall, their standardized test scores are lower than Millburn or Summit or Chatham due to the economic diversity, the top 25% are just as competitive as anywhere else. You've got your tiger parents and Type A grade grubbers anywhere you go, really.
I think "mom culture" has more to do with the age of the children than the culture of any particular town. My child goes to a preschool that has kids from many towns like Montclair, West Orange, South Orange and Maplewood. There are many moms dropping their kids off at 9am and picking them up at 3pm. Clearly they don't have 9-5 jobs nor are they working in NYC. On the other hand, I have another child in elementary school and there are many mothers dropping their kids off at 7am to attend the early care program, so I assume those mothers are on their way to work somewhere.
the SAHM and working mom dynamic is interesting. you dont really notice it until you find out that a working mom is complaining about not being able to attend events or do things that SAHM's are. we have friends in town that work and some that stay at home. im not aware of any singling out. it seems to me like the working mom just isnt always going to be able to be there and that is mostly going to bother their child when young. i would assume thats something any working mom knew would be the case and just accepted. nobody is making fun of the child or attacking the working mom. you are going to have certain disadvantages, right. no way to avoid that. perhaps advantages to, id imagine some people believe that.
I agree with the comment above about taking economic diversity into account. It's best to pick a town where you are in the middle of pack, so to speak (official happiness studies have shown this).
It stinks always feeling like the poor one and on the other side, it stinks feeling like people think you are flaunting your money.
the SAHM and working mom dynamic is interesting. you dont really notice it until you find out that a working mom is complaining about not being able to attend events or do things that SAHM's are. we have friends in town that work and some that stay at home. im not aware of any singling out. it seems to me like the working mom just isnt always going to be able to be there and that is mostly going to bother their child when young. i would assume thats something any working mom knew would be the case and just accepted. nobody is making fun of the child or attacking the working mom. you are going to have certain disadvantages, right. no way to avoid that. perhaps advantages to, id imagine some people believe that.
I was pretty fortunate in that while I had no choice but to work full-time, I had a job with a generous vacation allowance, so I was able to take days off to be the TIC TOC mom (To Introduce Culture To Our Children, a monthly art-project thing) and to go on field trips with the class and such. I would have loved the opportunity to be a SAHM, but life didn't work that way.
I was also very fortunate in that my "daycare" was my parents/my mother, so my daughter went home to Grandma's after school for milk and cookies.
Nobody ever attacked me for being a working mom. The only time I had someone give me an attitude was when I agreed to take on the Daisy troop (Kindergarten level Girl Scouts) because no one else would take it. I set up the meetings for 6:30 p.m. so I could get off the train, get my daughter and go to the meeting place, and some indignant mother called to tell me she'd signed up her daughter but now she wouldn't be able to come because her precious princess was in bed by 7:30. She wanted an afternoon troop.
Then sign up to become a leader, lady and run an afternoon troop. Simple as that.
I lived in Hoboken before moving to West Orange. We've got a big influx of young families in my neighborhood who moved from Hoboken, Jersey City, Queens, or Brooklyn. There's a mix of SAHM and working moms. There's also SAHD.
I lived in Hoboken before moving to West Orange. We've got a big influx of young families in my neighborhood who moved from Hoboken, Jersey City, Queens, or Brooklyn. There's a mix of SAHM and working moms. There's also SAHD.
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