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My take on that? You moved away from me. You are retired. You can come and visit ANYTIME and stay AS LONG AS YOU WANT, but you NEVER visit. You NEVER have money to do so, but I should visit you on my one vacation per year? Do I sound spoiled?????
I say good for them. Too often parents even in retirement re-design their entire lives to be around their children and find their family never has time to spend with them, even though they are living in the same town.
Spoiled? No, I think you sound entirely selfish and needy. You are living your own life, and they are living their retirement and enjoying it. Why don't you get a job where they live to be near them if it's that important to you? Of course you won't because you have your life to live. This is 2019, there are planes and transportation. It isn't like you have to ride on horseback across the country to see someone. You are making too big a deal out of this. Didn't you ever stop to think they are enjoying the distance so they don't have to involved in the daily drama of your life? Maybe they like the area too, chance to meet new people, etc.
The first question that comes to mind: what is their retirement income? SD (especially in the middle of nowhere) is much cheaper than NJ.
Also, you need to be fair: if you say "my vacation is just MINE!", they can equally say "our retirement and quiet time is just OURS!". You see, this is two-way road...
Yeah, I don't get the "MINE" for vacation. Which means visiting his parents isn't considered a vacation, but a chore. Ungrateful child.
I say good for them. Too often parents even in retirement re-design their entire lives to be around their children and find their family never has time to spend with them, even though they are living in the same town.
Spoiled? No, I think you sound entirely selfish and needy. You are living your own life, and they are living their retirement and enjoying it. Why don't you get a job where they live to be near them if it's that important to you? Of course you won't because you have your life to live. This is 2019, there are planes and transportation. It isn't like you have to ride on horseback across the country to see someone. You are making too big a deal out of this. Didn't you ever stop to think they are enjoying the distance so they don't have to involved in the daily drama of your life? Maybe they like the area too, chance to meet new people, etc.
I'm not doing that. My daughter has lived in China and may do so again. Right now it's even worse--she's on Long Island.
What happens in 50 years when your parents and grandparents are dead, family grows apart (naturally happens, you have 3rd/4th cousins for a reason) and your children move to chase career opportunities, despite you wanting them to stay? Unless you come from money and expecting an inheritance, no one will be paying your bills.
If you make a commitment to your kids to be involved in their lives and to provide a reasonable help with grand kids then it is likely that they will make a commitment for you not to move away. I think it is a myth that families with children move very often.
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Originally Posted by Busch Boy
I get it, I love my family deeply and it’s the ONLY reason we’re still here. However, my wife and I know we’ll be better off in our retirement years if we move somewhere cheap with a cost of living. All the money drained into property taxes and every other tax this nincompoop of a governor continues to create can be put to work to our advantage someplace else.
Again, a lot of towns have either property tax freeze or even discount for the seniors. But moving somewhere cheaper usually involves moving to retirement community somewhere South from here. Are you sure you want to spend last years of your life surrounded by old people, often complaining about their health. What happens if you can no longer drive and live in an area with no public transportation. What happens when you get sick and you kids might not be at your bed side...
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Originally Posted by Busch Boy
As for the OP, have you considered sending for your parents to visit you? Or perhaps having the kids spend summers in SD? You can’t be upset at them for doing what was best for them in their retirement years. It’s no secret that NJ is a pretty ****ty place to retire in. However I am confused about their choice to move to SD, which gets more snow than here. I definitely don’t want to shovel or drive in snow when I’m old!
The OP has not come back with comments so I am not sure if this is real post or not. But moving to a place with snow and no big airport withing reasonable driving distance seems to be a strange choice.
Even with no mortgage, $15,000 or more on property taxes is still a burden. Especially since most middle class couple sell their expensive NJ homes to buy a cheaper home FL. They use the home profits as cash for emergencies.
$15k is about half of couples's yearly SSN and depending on the town might be capped or reduced somewhat. If that is all they pay for housing than that is pretty cheap. Of course if they buy another house in Florida than that is another matter altogether.
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Originally Posted by YorktownGal
Yeah, but if your children live in northern NJ - say Morristown, Paramus or even Montclair - then moving to south to Cape May (for example) is still a trip. It is still a two or three hour car ride. How often are their children going to visit? It might be easier for their children to fly down to Florida.
It depends on how close they are to their children and grand kids. But certainly if they live in South Jersey, I think there will be inetrest in visiting pretty often, especially over the summer.
You can't compare the costs and logistics of a two hour trip versus the flight to Florida. Flying is extremely expensive, especially if it is not planned well ahead of time.
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Originally Posted by YorktownGal
In south Jersey, there still is snow. They shouldn't be shoveling or walking on icy driveways. Warmer climates means less falls and broken hips. My father-in-law played golfed all winter in Florida. In NY, he was trapped in the house. Which would you chose?
Well, some people enjoy colder weather. It is pretty easy to hire someone to shovel snow or to move to the community where that is taken care of.
What did your father-in-law do during Florida summer that lasts from early May to October with unbearable heat? I bet he was either trapped in his house in AC or came back to the tri state area...
Thank you! I didn't know that, but I'm not surprised that you did.
You always know a guy who knew a guy.
Edit to add, I love the absurdly out of place dancing women in the middle of the video.
Oh, and the woman in the green wrap has some serious hip action. I don't think that I can do that.
That is funny, but I think it's true. I'm a collector of other people's stories.
When I was a young adult, I was still terribly shy. I'd been a homely, too tall, awkward teenager and didn't gain the social skills that regular girls learn at that age. I had panic attacks at social situations like parties and even work get-togethers.
Then one night I saw Johnny Carson being interviewed by someone. He said that everyone thinks he is such a great host and interviewer of celebrities, but that all he really does is ask people questions about themselves, and people just love to talk about themselves. It took the focus off of him, and he was comfortable with that.
So I decided to try it, and it worked. The next time I went to a party, I just hung out in the kitchen and when people came in for a beer, I struck up a conversation by asking them questions. The next day people who knew my friend whose house it was told her that they'd met me and what a great person I was. LOL. My whole world changed.
I've amassed quite a few stories in the 40 years since that party.
$15k is about half of couples's yearly SSN and depending on the town might be capped or reduced somewhat. If that is all they pay for housing than that is pretty cheap. Of course if they buy another house in Florida than that is another matter altogether.
No property cap if you have a 401K or pension. $15,000 does not include Federal income tax, NY State income tax (more than $20,000 of a 401K distribution or pension), Medicare B plans, and a sales tax 8.375%. Basically the whole SSN income going to taxes.
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It depends on how close they are to their children and grand kids. But certainly if they live in South Jersey, I think there will be interest in visiting pretty often, especially over the summer.
You can't compare the costs and logistics of a two hour trip versus the flight to Florida. Flying is extremely expensive, especially if it is not planned well ahead of time.
The traffic to the shore isn't great too. People only have so much vacation time. Kids have sports games and camps.
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Well, some people enjoy colder weather. It is pretty easy to hire someone to shovel snow or to move to the community where that is taken care of.
What did your father-in-law do during Florida summer that lasts from early May to October with unbearable heat? I bet he was either trapped in his house in AC or came back to the tri state area...
My mother-in-law's aunt gave them a two family house with a nice backyard in Brooklyn so they came back. However, once he hit 90 years old, he couldn't cope with travel.
Even if someone shovels for you, you are still stuck in a house. As someone ages, their sense of balance goes. It is too easy to fall in icy or wet conditions that wouldn't bother a 50 year old.
"Falls are the leading cause of death from an injury for older Americans. ... Studies show that delaying surgery after a fracture for just 24 hours increases the chance of complications, and death. "The most common scenario is they die of pneumonia after a hip fracture."
I'm not doing that. My daughter has lived in China and may do so again. Right now it's even worse--she's on Long Island.
It may as well be Taiwan.
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