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Mattel has announced seven new N.J. Barbie Dolls... just in time for the holidays:
1. Summit-Chatham Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at the Short Hills mall. She comes with Kenneth Cole 4-inch clunky shoes, an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, and a Mercedes-Benz stretch limo. Options include tummy tuck, face lift, and workaholic Ken.
2. Newark-Elizabeth Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider tricked-out Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows.
3. Hoboken-Jersey City Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, which cruises until 2:00 am.
4. Alpine-Tenafly Barbie
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily, and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
5. Trenton-Cherry Hill Barbie
This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, bleached hair, a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank, Jr. CD set. She can spit over five feet and she can kick Ken's ass when she's drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper stickers.
6. Belmar-Seaside Heights Barbie
This gum-chewing, Trans-Am driving Barbie wears white pumps and walks on the boardwalk [note: heel falling between the boards included. Her make-up is dark colored lip liner with lips covered in a sparkly nude color. Her ensemble includes low-rise flared colored jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back of her jeans, a white barely-there see-through shirt. Her hair is BIG. Accessories include: CD-play er equipped with Bon Jovi and Springsteen CD's, large can of Stiff Stuff Hair Spray, 6 pre-paid tanning sessions, mirrored heart pendant [won on the boardwalk] engraved with boyfriend name [gold chain ordered separately] [default tattoo : Vinnie].
7. Raritan Township/Flemington-Readington-Branchburg Barbie
This educated high-profile Barbie has a career but is on hiatus to take care of the family. She is equipped with boot-cut jeans, low cut V-Neck Shirt complete boob job, high heeled leather boots with matching satchel handbag from Coach. Her hair has both high and low lights, nails are a permanent french manicure and makeup is age appropriate (she's 40 but looks 30). Squeeze her left hand and she says, "Get in the car." Accessories include your choice of either SUV or MiniVan with sporting equipment in rear cargo (soccer, football & baseball), Labrador on Leash, Take Out Menus, Cell phone with programmable numbers, Digital Camera and iPod. Sold separately: 2 kids
in tow-your choice combination of boy or girl; and husband Ken, available on weekends only.
Cherry Hill Barbie moved there from Delaware. Man NJ is tough lol
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