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Old 10-10-2019, 12:49 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
58,566 posts, read 56,464,631 times
Reputation: 69793

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Maybe he'll get to play horsie in jail!

"A 31-year-old Vernon man is jailed pending trial after authorities say he sent several emails and letters to local farms and stables requesting to have sex with their farm animals.

Police say that when the man was rejected, he began harassing the residents and leaving metal tire deflation devices in their driveways."


https://www.njherald.com/news/201910...ys-when-denied
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Old 10-10-2019, 02:08 PM
 
Location: NJ
17,493 posts, read 12,198,741 times
Reputation: 11324
These days I guess the defense could rely on his chosen pronoun, trans species identification and taking Ambien.


Just hope this bust disqualifies him for legal firearm ownership.
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Old 10-10-2019, 04:13 PM
 
2,300 posts, read 1,313,140 times
Reputation: 2861
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kracer View Post
These days I guess the defense could rely on his chosen pronoun, trans species identification and taking Ambien.


Just hope this bust disqualifies him for legal firearm ownership.
Exactly. He should sue the police for denying his rights as Trans, identifying as a horse or a cow.
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Old 10-10-2019, 05:20 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
58,566 posts, read 56,464,631 times
Reputation: 69793
Quote:
Originally Posted by DefiantNJ View Post
Exactly. He should sue the police for denying his rights as Trans, identifying as a horse or a cow.
He must identify as a stallion or a bull. No self-esteem issues there, anyway.
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Old 10-10-2019, 08:28 PM
 
2,133 posts, read 4,062,221 times
Reputation: 5376
Soooooo...this magnificent bastard wrote love letters and emails to farmers and stables owners, in SEVEN different towns, requesting their permission to have sex with their horses and cows (god...pick one or the other, you greedy, wanton slut), as opposed to sneaking onto their properties at night to ravish and steal their innocence and virtue by the light of the stars, which is how these stories usually go.

On the one hand, that almost seems chivalrous. What a real gentleman to ask for the animals' caretakers' blessing to consummate his unrequited equine and bovine romantic urges.

On the other hand, upon rejection of his advances, he turns into a scoundrel, going on a campaign of dastardly revenge...deflating tires, leaving harassing phone calls, leaving bad Yelp reviews, and threatening to beat a farmer's wife with a wooden stick.

This guy is Goofus and Gallant rolled up into 1 amazing package of WTF.

And I would like to know the specifics of these letters of inquiry. What do you even write? "Dear Farmer Joe, A buxom filly in your stable has caught my eye..." Did he offer some kind of payment? Some kind of barter of services? A dowry of some kind? These horses and cows are bringing their shiny coats, handsome muzzles, supple hind shanks, flowing manes and piquant udders to the table. What are you bringing, New Jersey Man??
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Old 10-10-2019, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
58,566 posts, read 56,464,631 times
Reputation: 69793
^This was the best piece of writing I've ever seen on the NJ forum, and definitely in the top ten on CD.

Oh, I needed that laugh. Tears in my eyes.
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Old 10-11-2019, 09:57 AM
 
2,080 posts, read 540,677 times
Reputation: 3568
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
Maybe he'll get to play horsie in jail!

"A 31-year-old Vernon man is jailed pending trial after authorities say he sent several emails and letters to local farms and stables requesting to have sex with their farm animals.

Police say that when the man was rejected, he began harassing the residents and leaving metal tire deflation devices in their driveways."


https://www.njherald.com/news/201910...ys-when-denied
And all future recruiters when they Google his name will see that story about him.

"Sorry, we have no interest in you working here. -- Mr. Ed"
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Old 10-11-2019, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Madison, NJ
192 posts, read 65,351 times
Reputation: 334
It's like having a slice of the South right in North Jersey (kidding of course)
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Old 10-11-2019, 11:23 AM
 
Location: NJ
24,883 posts, read 30,993,270 times
Reputation: 16861
Quote:
Originally Posted by Docendo discimus View Post
Soooooo...this magnificent bastard wrote love letters and emails to farmers and stables owners, in SEVEN different towns, requesting their permission to have sex with their horses and cows (god...pick one or the other, you greedy, wanton slut), as opposed to sneaking onto their properties at night to ravish and steal their innocence and virtue by the light of the stars, which is how these stories usually go.
obviously the guy didnt really write the letters so they could let him bang their animals. if that was the real goal, he could have just bought an animal, snuck in to do the deed or steal the animal.
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Old 10-11-2019, 08:08 PM
 
Location: New Jersey/Florida
5,476 posts, read 10,683,939 times
Reputation: 3699
Well at least he asked for permission.
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