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Old 10-10-2019, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,509 posts, read 84,688,123 times
Reputation: 114946

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Maybe he'll get to play horsie in jail!

"A 31-year-old Vernon man is jailed pending trial after authorities say he sent several emails and letters to local farms and stables requesting to have sex with their farm animals.

Police say that when the man was rejected, he began harassing the residents and leaving metal tire deflation devices in their driveways."


https://www.njherald.com/news/201910...ys-when-denied
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Old 10-10-2019, 01:08 PM
 
Location: NJ
23,529 posts, read 17,208,400 times
Reputation: 17556
These days I guess the defense could rely on his chosen pronoun, trans species identification and taking Ambien.


Just hope this bust disqualifies him for legal firearm ownership.
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Old 10-10-2019, 03:13 PM
 
2,669 posts, read 2,089,301 times
Reputation: 3690
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kracer View Post
These days I guess the defense could rely on his chosen pronoun, trans species identification and taking Ambien.


Just hope this bust disqualifies him for legal firearm ownership.
Exactly. He should sue the police for denying his rights as Trans, identifying as a horse or a cow.
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Old 10-10-2019, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,509 posts, read 84,688,123 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DefiantNJ View Post
Exactly. He should sue the police for denying his rights as Trans, identifying as a horse or a cow.
He must identify as a stallion or a bull. No self-esteem issues there, anyway.
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Old 10-10-2019, 07:28 PM
 
2,160 posts, read 4,963,074 times
Reputation: 5527
Soooooo...this magnificent bastard wrote love letters and emails to farmers and stables owners, in SEVEN different towns, requesting their permission to have sex with their horses and cows (god...pick one or the other, you greedy, wanton slut), as opposed to sneaking onto their properties at night to ravish and steal their innocence and virtue by the light of the stars, which is how these stories usually go.

On the one hand, that almost seems chivalrous. What a real gentleman to ask for the animals' caretakers' blessing to consummate his unrequited equine and bovine romantic urges.

On the other hand, upon rejection of his advances, he turns into a scoundrel, going on a campaign of dastardly revenge...deflating tires, leaving harassing phone calls, leaving bad Yelp reviews, and threatening to beat a farmer's wife with a wooden stick.

This guy is Goofus and Gallant rolled up into 1 amazing package of WTF.

And I would like to know the specifics of these letters of inquiry. What do you even write? "Dear Farmer Joe, A buxom filly in your stable has caught my eye..." Did he offer some kind of payment? Some kind of barter of services? A dowry of some kind? These horses and cows are bringing their shiny coats, handsome muzzles, supple hind shanks, flowing manes and piquant udders to the table. What are you bringing, New Jersey Man??
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Old 10-10-2019, 08:16 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,509 posts, read 84,688,123 times
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^This was the best piece of writing I've ever seen on the NJ forum, and definitely in the top ten on CD.

Oh, I needed that laugh. Tears in my eyes.
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Old 10-11-2019, 08:57 AM
 
3,882 posts, read 2,368,504 times
Reputation: 7446
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
Maybe he'll get to play horsie in jail!

"A 31-year-old Vernon man is jailed pending trial after authorities say he sent several emails and letters to local farms and stables requesting to have sex with their farm animals.

Police say that when the man was rejected, he began harassing the residents and leaving metal tire deflation devices in their driveways."


https://www.njherald.com/news/201910...ys-when-denied
And all future recruiters when they Google his name will see that story about him.

"Sorry, we have no interest in you working here. -- Mr. Ed"
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Old 10-11-2019, 09:22 AM
 
Location: Madison, NJ
453 posts, read 344,623 times
Reputation: 1145
It's like having a slice of the South right in North Jersey (kidding of course)
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Old 10-11-2019, 10:23 AM
 
Location: NJ
31,771 posts, read 40,672,588 times
Reputation: 24590
Quote:
Originally Posted by Docendo discimus View Post
Soooooo...this magnificent bastard wrote love letters and emails to farmers and stables owners, in SEVEN different towns, requesting their permission to have sex with their horses and cows (god...pick one or the other, you greedy, wanton slut), as opposed to sneaking onto their properties at night to ravish and steal their innocence and virtue by the light of the stars, which is how these stories usually go.
obviously the guy didnt really write the letters so they could let him bang their animals. if that was the real goal, he could have just bought an animal, snuck in to do the deed or steal the animal.
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Old 10-11-2019, 07:08 PM
 
Location: New Jersey/Florida
5,818 posts, read 12,620,766 times
Reputation: 4414
Well at least he asked for permission.
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