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Old 10-27-2019, 08:35 AM
 
22,685 posts, read 17,515,133 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnesthesiaMD View Post
How long ago was that case? Perhaps the courts are less stringent now? I’m going by second hand information, so take it for what it’s worth. That is why I said to talk to a lawyer about it.
I just think people toss that out so easily, it’s a very expensive proposition and there is no good reason not to do research first and then go to a lawyer. Again the law websites have many blogs and articles regarding these matters. OP is basically asking factual questions about the laws around alimony in NJ that are easily researchable. I’m quite sure the person paying the alimony is no stranger to divorce lawyers in any case.
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Old 10-27-2019, 08:37 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ansky View Post
It all depends on how the divorce decree is written. I'm divorced and I pay alimony to my ex-wife for a specified period of time. There is a clause in my divorce decree that states that if my ex-wife cohabitates with another male OR gets married, then the alimony would end early. Even if she is shacking up with another guy a couple nights a week that doesn't matter, as long as they each maintain separate residences in their own name then they are not considered cohabitating.
That is pretty much the legal standard. A guy coming over a few nights a week is dating, not cohabitation, and if they maintain separate residences it will be very hard to prove they are living as man and wife.

This doesn’t apply to OP situation in any case.
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Old 10-27-2019, 08:40 AM
 
22,685 posts, read 17,515,133 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaymoney View Post
Funny thing about lawyers is that it doesn't cost anything to have an initial consultation. They don't charge you anything if they're not going to work for you.

This isn't a question about not sleeping, this is an actual legal question about a law decision that deserves a real answer from someone with facts and not speculation.
A few do, but for these mattes it is an exception vs the rule.
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Old 10-27-2019, 10:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
A few do, but for these mattes it is an exception vs the rule.
Or, and this is the key, they could ask actual lawyers their rates instead of random strangers on the internet that only have their own personal experiences and get actual real answers from someone with regards to their legal matter.
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Old 10-27-2019, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
58,494 posts, read 56,429,635 times
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To add to the anecdotes, I know a woman whose ex did go to court and got her alimony reduced or stopped (I am not sure which).

It was based on the fact that he was retiring and his income would be reduced. He was self-employed.

They married at 18, she was a SAHM, and after 44 years, he dumped her for a woman he met on Facebook. An OLDER woman. I know she got a good settlement and the alimony income so that she had the means to live, but he has their house and lives there with the replacement wife.

Again, I am not sure of the whys and wherefores, but just saying it's apparently possible in some cases to get the alimony dropped or reduced.

As others said, it's worth a shot to talk to a lawyer and find out.
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Old 10-27-2019, 11:53 AM
 
22,685 posts, read 17,515,133 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaymoney View Post
Or, and this is the key, they could ask actual lawyers their rates instead of random strangers on the internet that only have their own personal experiences and get actual real answers from someone with regards to their legal matter.
What is wrong with researching it first? Again I was pointing OP to the articles on lawyers websites. I don’t understand why people are okay with researching their medical health and care, financial stuff etc, but the idea of researching what the law says before approaching a lawyer is considered foolhardy.

Some of the lawyer resource websites list the various lawyers consultation costs and hourly rates, so what is wrong with making sure one can afford that particular lawyer first? On one I was on the other day, one lawyer near us was $480 an hour, which is far higher than most. That’s why research first is helpful. A lot also have reviews. No one is telling OP to tell her family member to make all his plans without consulting a lawyer, but the idea that has to be the first step and you shouldn’t even do any research first to educate yourself on the laws doesn’t make sense to me. Especially when the lawyers own websites often have the research available right on their own websites.

Quite sure family member already knows importance of a lawyer when going to court since he’s already been down this road for decades now.

It’s like someone asking about their back pain, and everyone saying “ you should be asking an orthopedic surgeon”. That’s not necessarily the best first step. I don’t think someone in that case who was advised to educate themselves first would be considered bad advice but when it comes to legal matters you shouldn’t possibly try to learn anything as a first step.

Every single advice thread on these boards is asking random strangers their experiences.

Last edited by ocnjgirl; 10-27-2019 at 12:34 PM..
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Old 10-27-2019, 01:56 PM
 
529 posts, read 838,557 times
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tell him to take all his money and move to Costa Rica. Then send her a letter telling her to rot in hell.
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Old 10-27-2019, 02:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
Every single advice thread on these boards is asking random strangers their experiences.
And every time someone comes here looking for actual legal or medical information normal people tell them "talk to a professional."

You're saying they should walk into their eventual meeting with a lawyer, or, worse, judge, and start with "I heard on the internet that..."

Because that's a waste of time for both people in the room.
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Old 10-27-2019, 03:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaymoney View Post
And every time someone comes here looking for actual legal or medical information normal people tell them "talk to a professional."

You're saying they should walk into their eventual meeting with a lawyer, or, worse, judge, and start with "I heard on the internet that..."

Because that's a waste of time for both people in the room.
No that’s not research. Again the divorce lawyers own websites have a plethora of blogs written by that lawyer and other articles. The NJ for Alimony Reform website had a plethora of articles and resources. They are not keyboard warriors they are men’s rights advocates including lawyers who successfully got alimony reforms enacted in NJ. You guys seem to be purposefully trying to twist my posts but I don’t understand why anyone would be against educating yourself prior to speaking to any professional. There is s plethora of actual research material available on the Internet, regardless how you trivialize it. Going back to health, most people know Reddit is not going to have as much value as the Harvard Medical School website. You act like they’re idiots who can’t navigate through the web to find legit information. Again I never saw people so dug in in against a consumer educating themselves on a subject before they begin a process they may likely go into debt from for years. It is not to be taken lightly.
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Old 10-27-2019, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Northern NJ/Amagansett, NY
11,969 posts, read 10,574,096 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
What is wrong with researching it first? Again I was pointing OP to the articles on lawyers websites. I don’t understand why people are okay with researching their medical health and care, financial stuff etc, but the idea of researching what the law says before approaching a lawyer is considered foolhardy.

Some of the lawyer resource websites list the various lawyers consultation costs and hourly rates, so what is wrong with making sure one can afford that particular lawyer first? On one I was on the other day, one lawyer near us was $480 an hour, which is far higher than most. That’s why research first is helpful. A lot also have reviews. No one is telling OP to tell her family member to make all his plans without consulting a lawyer, but the idea that has to be the first step and you shouldn’t even do any research first to educate yourself on the laws doesn’t make sense to me. Especially when the lawyers own websites often have the research available right on their own websites.

Quite sure family member already knows importance of a lawyer when going to court since he’s already been down this road for decades now.

It’s like someone asking about their back pain, and everyone saying “ you should be asking an orthopedic surgeon”. That’s not necessarily the best first step. I don’t think someone in that case who was advised to educate themselves first would be considered bad advice but when it comes to legal matters you shouldn’t possibly try to learn anything as a first step.

Every single advice thread on these boards is asking random strangers their experiences.
On rare occasions, I give medical advice here, but I really try not to get involved, for 2 reasons. One, I dont feel right about giving advice to a patient I haven’t met, let alone, examined. And two, because I come on here to get my mind off of work, not to do more work. People have privately messaged me in the past, and I have reluctantly helped them, and on very rare occasions on the public board.

I would imagine the feeling would be similar for for most lawyers that post here.

But to your point, I dont think there is anything wrong with someone doing their research, especially when it comes to actual legitimate online publications, but anything learned on an open public message board, should be taken with a grain of salt. It my help to guide someone, but everything should be double checked with a live professional.
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