U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > New Jersey
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-22-2008, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
12,253 posts, read 15,010,430 times
Reputation: 6583

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by shannybannany View Post
A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.

Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:

"My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."

The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."

~Shanny
LOL I love laughing at the tourists who pronouce it KISS-A-ME good one!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-22-2008, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Martinsville, NJ
604 posts, read 2,501,638 times
Reputation: 267
Default Don't read if you are prudish

A Horse, A Chicken & A Harley
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.


One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell in to a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?
(yep, you betcha, there is a moral!)

'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks'
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2008, 03:48 PM
 
931 posts, read 2,951,533 times
Reputation: 324
God was a little bothered with all the men on Earth because most of them had become hen-pecked husbands.

So one day, he congregated everyone together to see how severe the problem was. He divided the crowd and placed the women on the left and the men on the right.

He said "If you do everything and anything that your wife tells you to, please go to the left side and join your wife. But if you and your wife are an equal in every aspect, please remain on the right."

God was shocked when he saw all of the men join their wives on the left side, with the exception of one.

He then asked the man "My child, can you explain why you remained on this side?".

The man replied "my wife told me to stay here".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2008, 10:33 AM
 
30 posts, read 86,239 times
Reputation: 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by emanon View Post
A Horse, A Chicken & A Harley
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.


One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell in to a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?
(yep, you betcha, there is a moral!)

'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks'
Nice! lolol
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2008, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Jersey City
5,921 posts, read 14,501,018 times
Reputation: 4486
Punny...
A Native American was feelin kinda down and depressed, so he went to see his doctor. He said, "Doc, ya gotta help me. I'm so confused. Some days I feel like a wigwam, other days I feel like a teepee." The doc said, "You need to relax. You're too tense."


Bad, but stick with me...
Why are gays always the first to check out of a hotel in the morning?
They get their s*** packed the night before.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2008, 07:21 PM
 
Location: Stewartsville, NJ
7,577 posts, read 19,250,984 times
Reputation: 1242
Quote:
Originally Posted by lammius View Post
Punny...
A Native American was feelin kinda down and depressed, so he went to see his doctor. He said, "Doc, ya gotta help me. I'm so confused. Some days I feel like a wigwam, other days I feel like a teepee." The doc said, "You need to relax. You're too tense."


Bad, but stick with me...
Why are gays always the first to check out of a hotel in the morning?
They get their s*** packed the night before.
Those were pretty bad lammius : )How do you fit 3 gay guys on a bar stool???? You turn it upside down : )
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2008, 07:48 PM
 
805 posts, read 1,932,805 times
Reputation: 449
Bill Clinton was asked if Hillary was as good in bed as Monica, he said "Close...but no cigar."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-24-2008, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania & New Jersey
1,419 posts, read 3,067,942 times
Reputation: 1439
Before postage stamps were self-adhesive...

Did you hear about the commemorative postage stamp honoring lawyers?
You spit on both sides!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-24-2008, 10:13 AM
 
536 posts, read 924,102 times
Reputation: 570
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on
the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station,filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said....'If it starts.... I'm turning Catholic.'
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-24-2008, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Redneckville, NJ
5,825 posts, read 9,140,321 times
Reputation: 2431
Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on how they died:

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible.

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:



Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > New Jersey
Similar Threads
View detailed profiles of:

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 - Top