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I figured with a nice, long holiday weekend coming up that it would be nice to start a nice, fun and "destressing" thread : ) So why not have everyone share thier best, "clean", and politically correct joke: Here's mine : ) This Jewish family had a son who was failing miserably in math at the current school he was attending so they decided to try and send him to a private catholic school as they had heard that the catholic nuns were a bit tougher on the students. So they signed him up and off he went. A semester later, he came home with his report card and low and behold..he received an "A" in math. His parents were just so excited! They asked him, "son..how did you manage to do so well in math?" The son replied " well, when I walked into the school and saw that kid hanging from the plus sign, I knew I had better get a good grade in math!".
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Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church! Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't,' said the man.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,' said the old man
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 51 years.'
LOL..great so far..keep them coming : ) Here's one I heard today. OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: The Government today announced that it is changing it's emblem from the Eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the Government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed! Just doesn't get more accurate than that!
I figured with a nice, long holiday weekend coming up that it would be nice to start a nice, fun and "destressing" thread : ) So why not have everyone share thier best, "clean", and politically correct joke: Here's mine : ) This Jewish family had a son who was failing miserably in math at the current school he was attending so they decided to try and send him to a private catholic school as they had heard that the catholic nuns were a bit tougher on the students. So they signed him up and off he went. A semester later, he came home with his report card and low and behold..he received an "A" in math. His parents were just so excited! They asked him, "son..how did you manage to do so well in math?" The son replied " well, when I walked into the school and saw that kid hanging from the plus sign, I knew I had better get a good grade in math!".
Cute............but if you're trying to be PC
I don't exactly consider that PC...could get many Catholics's knickers in a twist
Incorrigible, adulterous, two-timing whoremonger decides to get married. But he has no intention to abandon his ribaldry, so he seeks out the priest two days before the wedding, offers him $15K if the priest'll skip the part about fidelity, death do us part, love and cherish and hold her only.
Priest reluctantly agrees.
Come the wedding, priest says, "do you, Pauly the Pervert, swear and promise before all in this place not only never to cheat, but to make breakfast in bed daily, to do the dishes always, to let your wife stay at home while you alone work, to pay all the bills out of your pocket, to let her shop at will, never to watch NFL, to love your mother-in-law, never to complain, and never to seek a divorce or to get angry if your wife cheats on you? And do you agree never to cheat and to agree to a divorce settlement where she gets everything if you are caught cheating on her?"
stunned, Pauly stutters, but then says... "...um... er... yes."
During the reception a furious Pauly pulls the priest aside and says, "damn it father, what the hell was that? I gave you $1K and this is what you do? I want my money back!"
The priest calmly looks at him, pats him on the shoulder, and says, "yes, my son, you did pay me; I'll refund you... it's just that your wife met me and offered me $10k. Oh, and she used your debit card."
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