Where to go if we don't like Ridgewood? (Hawthorne, Wyckoff: mortgage, high school)

[EEEPNJ]

Originally Posted by escapeartist09

You guys are scaring the pants off me. I was just reading this because my husband will be working in East Hanover in the near future. I was concentrating my search in Morris County but thought I would read this to see what Bergen County is like. You have scared the daylights out of me. My kids are in 1st and 4th grade. I was excited to look in North NJ for top notch schools and a nice neighborhood. This makes it all seem like a disaster. Is this snobby attitude rampant in North Jersey in the towns where the best schools are??? Is this what my kids have to look forward to?

ALL towns are not like that - and remember - you don't need to be in the "top 25 or top 50" to get a good school with a decent group of people and a good education for your kids. What towns are you looking at...

[escapeartist09]

Ok, I started reading this when a friend from Ridgewood recommended I look at Wykoff. I was just trying to see where she was coming from. I guess I know where now. My husband will work in East Hanover so I was looking more in Morris County at Mendham, Chester, Mountain Lakes, Basking Ridge because of the great schools. Had been looking at Randolph but it seems the schools aren't as good. Now I am wondering what I am getting myself into here. Anyone know what the snob factor is in Morris County? Are the kids under as much pressure there? OK my kids are in only 1st & 4th grade but it sounds like kindergarten could be stressful in North NJ.

[NJ Chutzpah]

What do you mean by lots of pressure?

From parents, from Teachers, from other students

I went to a supposedly high pressure place, but it really wasnt

I mean if the parents are pressuring their students that is really not the fault of the district, and it would not matter what school you go to

The teachers really cant pressure students, i mean how? Beating them?

students? why would kids care to pressure other kids to do well in school?

I wouldnt say the problem is with "pressure", but the social interaction with the people

[EEEPNJ]

There can be pressure from within. My friend who moved from Closter said a big problem was that the Korean students parents demanded that they get a "sneak peak" at the textbooks for the next grade a year in advance. Then they'd hire private tutors to teach their kids NEXT years work so they were constatnly ahead of the curve. This would lead to problems with grades too, becuase if their kids were performing AT grade level, but there were a large group of kids in the class that were now performing well above grade level... well, your kids grades are not soo good any more. The choice was do the same and put undue pressure on your kids or vote with your feet. The chose the latter and went to Rutherford and they are much happier now.

A lot of people are reccommending Wyckoff. Funny, and I know this was quite some time ago, but the area has become more, not less, affluent since this time... but remember this case:

SUSPECTS GO HOME N.J. TEENS MONITORED BY DEL. IN BABY SLAY

After this occurred there was so much reporting about how in Wyckoff, the pressure on kids was so high that it was one of the factors that led to this. (Trust me, I don't think it was THE factor, but it may have been A factor.) There were even books written about it and Wyckoff NJ became synonomous with towns that put rediculous pressure on their children to succeed and where parents put too much emphasis on working for the material things for quite some time.

[escapeartist09]

Thanks for that note about the case. I remember that case now. You are scaring me with all this. Plus the Korean parents... that is crazy.

[EEEPNJ]

It can be crazy. You know, the more I'm thinking lately the more I think you may just be better off with a solidly middle class town like Rutherford or Hasbrouck Heights. Shoot, maybe now I don't have to move!

[EEEPNJ]

Escapeartist09- I'm not realy as familiar with Morris. I would avoid the Chatham area... it's the same as what we are discussing here despite it's good schools etc. I've always liked Chester. It's such a pretty area - but I don't know much about it... we have any Morris County folks that can help out here?

One thing I'd like to add is that I have friends in Oakland and I must say, it's not as "snob heavy" as most of upper Bergen. BUT it does share a HS w/ Franklin Lakes and Wyckoff... so down the line it can lead that way. Interesting stuff.

[NJ Chutzpah]

Originally Posted by EEEPNJ

There can be pressure from within. My friend who moved from Closter said a big problem was that the Korean students parents demanded that they get a "sneak peak" at the textbooks for the next grade a year in advance. Then they'd hire private tutors to teach their kids NEXT years work so they were constatnly ahead of the curve. This would lead to problems with grades too, becuase if their kids were performing AT grade level, but there were a large group of kids in the class that were now performing well above grade level... well, your kids grades are not soo good any more. The choice was do the same and put undue pressure on your kids or vote with your feet. The chose the latter and went to Rutherford and they are much happier now.

A lot of people are reccommending Wyckoff. Funny, and I know this was quite some time ago, but the area has become more, not less, affluent since this time... but remember this case:

SUSPECTS GO HOME N.J. TEENS MONITORED BY DEL. IN BABY SLAY

After this occurred there was so much reporting about how in Wyckoff, the pressure on kids was so high that it was one of the factors that led to this. (Trust me, I don't think it was THE factor, but it may have been A factor.) There were even books written about it and Wyckoff NJ became synonomous with towns that put rediculous pressure on their children to succeed and where parents put too much emphasis on working for the material things for quite some time.

I actually use to go to those afterschool group tutoring sessions also

I learned more in those sessions than at my school

It would not mean anything though

If we both take the same test and get the same amount correct, we get the exact same grade

The teacher's cannot do anything about that

[EEEPNJ]

They are not after school tutoring groups - I'm talking personal tutors to make sure your kid is heads and shoulders above the rest. AND I'm talking about kids who are so scared of getting anything less than an A+, that they're willing to do anything to get it. Some considerd killing themselves if they don't live up.

Sorry, dude, but that's not the environment I would have wanted nor what I'd like for my child.

[tallguylehigh]

Originally Posted by escapeartist09

You guys are scaring the pants off me. I was just reading this because my husband will be working in East Hanover in the near future. I was concentrating my search in Morris County but thought I would read this to see what Bergen County is like. You have scared the daylights out of me. My kids are in 1st and 4th grade. I was excited to look in North NJ for top notch schools and a nice neighborhood. This makes it all seem like a disaster. Is this snobby attitude rampant in North Jersey in the towns where the best schools are??? Is this what my kids have to look forward to?

Escape-

I wouldn't worry too much. Reading through the comments, one question comes across that should put your mind at ease:

"Do your kids have to go to Harvard?"

A lot of this pressure seems to come from the parents- not the school, or the teachers, etc. It seems as though these parents are putting this burden on their kids. I have a feeling those people would apply that pressure regardless of where they are, they just moved to Ridgewood because they thought it would help their cause.

Just because you live in Ridgewood doesn't mean you need your kids to go to Harvard, it just seems that some people with that mentality live there.

I purchased a house in a good school district because I want my kids to get a good education, and I want them to be happy and go where they want. If they want to go to Harvard, they can go to Harvard. There is a huge difference between what I said and 'My kid has to go to Harvard.'