Where to go if we don't like Ridgewood? (Ramsey, Oradell: schools, live)

[Busch Boy]

Originally Posted by NJ Chutzpah

^^^

NO you cannot avoid snobs

THEY FIND YOU

LOL, that is creepy. I can never live in Ridgewood then. I LOVE my privacy.

[exit18b]

That is life in any "rich" town in northern NJ. What is the problem with "Harvard" expectations? It sure beats the expectations of Newark or Paterson!

[ira]

Originally Posted by Busch Boy

I have a question, would it be possible to live in a town like Ridgewood and avoid the "snobby" people if you want to? Personally, I would just say hi and bye to the people on my street and go to report card night (if I had kids) every marking period; forget PTA meetings. I'd do all my shopping in neighboring towns. Can you get away with that?

Yes, you can. I do it in Ridgewood every day

[Collegeguy12]

I live right next to Ridgewood and have friends from there. We basically had the same expectations in high school (even though mine was ranked lower) and dealt with similarly snobby peers at school. If you take a drive through any high school parking lot in Northern Bergen, you will find mostly newer cars, a majority of which are name brand (BMW, Mercedes, Audi, Acura, etc.). I recently graduated from a prestigious college and am about to embark on a career I have always wanted. I value the fact that my parents worked hard to give me the opportunities they never had. No matter what, you will find snobby parents and kids in every town in the area. Sure, go ahead, try Westwood, but you will ABSOLUTELY meet snobs, just a smaller number, though they are in abundance. The only thing I would not do is completely sacrifice your childrens' educations by moving to a town like Dumont or Bergenfield...their districts are horendous. I wish you well and I also think you should stick it out for a while-I am sure you will like it better when you give it more of a chance.

[SEG]

We're contemplating a move to northern NJ this summer (due to a work transfer) and my head feels like it's going to split after reading all of these posts! My girls (10 & 12) are already apprehensive about a move, but to move them into THIS? Yikes. Fitting into a new environment is tough enough for kids, but this sounds almost destructive. We had been considering Ridgewood based on a "drive around" last summer, but now, I think not!

[iheartridgewood]

Just to give a different perspective on this thread: I grew up in Ridgewood and graduated from its high school in the last 10 yrs. I went to Willard and perhaps times have really changed, but there was no sense of extreme academic pressure from that time through high school. (I'm sure there were families who put more pressure on their kids, but aside from making their kids do their homework, I never saw this in any of my friends' families. I didn't take any AP courses, which I heard were very intense, but I always took honors courses and did great without ever sacrificing a social life. For the most part, I have great memories of the school system. As for sports, some families definitely got into them. I played a few in high school and again, no pressure, just stuck to the jv teams where it was more about doing it for your own pleasure.) Also, my family was the opposite of the stereotypical rich, snobby, country club type... we didn't have name-brand anything or our own cars in high school or fancy vacations -- although many of our peers did -- but noone was ever snobby about that from my perspective! -- and since my parents are still there and have never complained, I doubt they've experienced it either. I had a bounty of friends throughout my childhood and was always welcomed into the homes and families of people whose wealth far exceeded my family's. True, my parents never became best friends with any Ridgewood families, but there is a strong cordiality among neighbors -- they bring baskets of baked goods on holidays, they take care of each other's dogs, they watch each other's kids. Ridgewood is a beautiful town and while some may dislike that it is so insulated, as a child and teen it gave you a very secure and comfortable feeling that it was YOUR town, you were really tied to it. You are very sheltered from the rest of the world and from any hard realities, but considering most leave the area for college and nearly everyone I know from my class are now living in big cities, you do eventually face real life while still having had a great childhood. It seems like if there are some loud snobby moms in the elementary schools they should be easy enough to avoid. I KNOW there are plenty of great people in that town and it just takes time and shared experiences (should be easy enough if your kids are growing up together) to move past any initial coldness.

[NJ_History57]

I was frankly very entertained by this thread. I spent twenty-six years in Ridgewood as a resident and several more as part of my career, so I feel pretty qualified to opine on this subject.

There is no denying that the Ridgewood community, as a whole, is very much connected by a sense of competition, achievement, and--yes--affluence. It was mentioned previously that there are varying levels of the affluence. Certainly some of the village's residents have a sense of inferiority which causes them to flaunt their fictional wealth and act quite aggressively towards other parents (their children suffer from the same complex). These are the snobbiest parents, who as so many posters mentioned, seem to live vicariously through their children's academic, extra-curricular, and athletic lives. Yes, this is worse in Ridgewood than the average New Jersey community, but pretty consistent with other equally affluent communities.

However, the most accomplished and wealthy residents are often--by far--the most down-to-earth, friendly, and helpful people you'll ever meet. Consider they often send their kids to public school (albeit a somewhat high-profile public school) instead of Lawrenceville, Peddie, or Delbarton (although the best lacrosse players tend to leave town for these schools!) I personally went to school with the children of high profile CEOs, restaurant barons, financial gurus, former-heads of government agencies, famous authors, and so on. Want to know the interesting part? I was friends with all of these kids and had no idea how wealthy and powerful their parents were until I was in college. That says a lot about these people.

Now, education has been cited repeatedly here. While one poster jokingly posted that the class of 2006 sent 20% of the student body to Bergen Community College, it is important to realize that any public school in the state of New Jersey is highly academically segregated. Simply put, there will always been at least a handful of applicants that gain acceptance to top tier Ivy League schools or Stanford, Duke, etc. There are high-achieving children with schedules filled with music and Latin lessons, SAT prep courses, AP tutors, club swimming, etc in many communities. The Atlantic Monthly covered this topic brilliantly in the April 2001 issue. In Ridgewood, I would estimate that this culture is amplified by a factor of about three; the village breeds hyper-active, academic, achievers. For the most part, this is benign and the students in school system enjoy learning, playing sports, performing, and just being kids. That is not to say that the school does not have a large number of students enrolled in AP courses (that is a national trend you'll notice; the College Board has recently addressed the flood of AP courses by mandating schools to submit credentials for AP certification) or high-octane programs geared toward the medical profession, American Studies, Art-History-Literature.

The statistics change, but one of the last data-sets I saw had Ridgewood graduates attending two or four colleges at a rate of about 99.3%. Further, there are a handful of students who select the armed forces each year, which these statistics do not take into consideration. None of that guarantees success in life, but if a community values acceptance to college, those numbers speak for themselves. Who gets in to Harvard, or Princeton, or Yale? Well, the ones who work the hardest and demonstrate the highest aptitude. And frankly, they are not the kids of parents who tell them from kindergarten on that they have to get in; the Ivy League kids come more often from the low-key households who just stay positively involved with their kids' education (that means encouraging; not pressuring.)

The extra curricular activities are also quite driven by the desire for success, as can be seen in the seemingly perennial success of the gymnastics, cross-country and lacrosse programs; the recent success of the swimming and football program (2004-2005); and the relative success of softball, wrestling, track, and volleyball teams. In addition to village resources, the parents are highly active in supporting these programs, and while this may at times lead to controversy over "playing time" (you can imagine that given two equally talented athletes and only one starting slot open, the coach will feel pressure to play the child of the parent who dedicates dozens of hours to helping out) the net results are generally positive.

When I started this reply, I honestly didn't think I had this much to say. I guess after reading all your posts, I felt the duty to set the record straight. I guess my point is that, yes, Ridgewood has snobs and overly-driven parents (I call them 'helicopter parents' because they constantly hover over their kids...) that can possibly drive you nuts. Or you can just ignore them and find people like my parents. My mother was a nurse and my father didn't even finish high school, and yet no one ever spoke down to them in Ridgewood. There are numerous normal people in Ridgewood; but if you think everyone is a snob you'll certainly suffer from misperception.

I'll leave this post with two brief anecdotes that I feel are revealing about Ridgewood.

First, as I left Ridgewood's schools for college, I had very little confidence in my ability because there were so many kids bound for Ivy-caliber schools. For example, my high school percentile was middle of the class; not too impressive. I did manage to get in to a decent school (I know for a fact that Ridgewood's reputation had much to do with that) and much to my surprise, I found out very early in college that while I might have been "average" in Ridgewood, my education clearly prepared me for success beyond. I have since completed three degrees, not to brag, but pretty good for a "C" student at RHS! And I'm a happy person too, if you can believe it! The point is this: kids are like stem-cells, they become what you put them around. I was fortunate enough to be eating lunch with some intelligent, classy, emotionally stable kids and eventually that made my parent's tax dollars (probably) worth it.

And lastly, when a family member of mine passed away suddenly, seemingly all of Ridgewood lent its support to my family as we grieved. I am not exaggerating; the entire village was there to support our family. I could never have anticipated the kindness and generosity that Ridgewood poured out in that awful time. Up to that point in my life, I too was convinced that Ridgewood was a lair of snobs and Ivy-Envy kids. I have changed my tune significantly since, and this post probably shows.

[jojo7]

Originally Posted by SEG

We're contemplating a move to northern NJ this summer (due to a work transfer) and my head feels like it's going to split after reading all of these posts! My girls (10 & 12) are already apprehensive about a move, but to move them into THIS? Yikes. Fitting into a new environment is tough enough for kids, but this sounds almost destructive. We had been considering Ridgewood based on a "drive around" last summer, but now, I think not!

You could try River Edge. My sister-in-law has lived there for over 14 years and has always loved it. Yes, most of the kids are involved with an abundance amount of sports and it can be very competitive but my sister-in-laws' friends are really nice down to earth people. It's a tight knit community with many parent volunteers who are very involved in their children's education which is definitely not a bad thing. These parents just want the best for their kids like most people. There is snobby everywhere in Bergen County and you just need to avoid those people and let them hang with people like themselves. I agree with the other post. I would not send my kids to a so so school district because there are less snobs. You will find the right the place that you fit in.

[Tenafly Mom]

I've lived in Tenafly for ten years now, and we are definitely in the middle class section. This forum mentions that it is heavily Jewish and Asian, which it certainly is, but it also has a really charming and close-knit Catholic community. It's worth a mention because statistics and outside impressions often do not tell the real story. I find that the longer we live here the smaller the town gets, in a good way. People of all persuasions are really supportive! And the competitive nature of the schools has yet to be a negative for us. They are just really excellent schools! I wonder if you stick with Ridgewood if down the line you might feel the same...

[ira]

Originally Posted by iheartridgewood

Just to give a different perspective on this thread: I grew up in Ridgewood and graduated from its high school in the last 10 yrs. I went to Willard and perhaps times have really changed, but there was no sense of extreme academic pressure from that time through high school. (I'm sure there were families who put more pressure on their kids, but aside from making their kids do their homework, I never saw this in any of my friends' families. I didn't take any AP courses, which I heard were very intense, but I always took honors courses and did great without ever sacrificing a social life. For the most part, I have great memories of the school system. As for sports, some families definitely got into them. I played a few in high school and again, no pressure, just stuck to the jv teams where it was more about doing it for your own pleasure.) Also, my family was the opposite of the stereotypical rich, snobby, country club type... we didn't have name-brand anything or our own cars in high school or fancy vacations -- although many of our peers did -- but noone was ever snobby about that from my perspective! -- and since my parents are still there and have never complained, I doubt they've experienced it either. I had a bounty of friends throughout my childhood and was always welcomed into the homes and families of people whose wealth far exceeded my family's. True, my parents never became best friends with any Ridgewood families, but there is a strong cordiality among neighbors -- they bring baskets of baked goods on holidays, they take care of each other's dogs, they watch each other's kids. Ridgewood is a beautiful town and while some may dislike that it is so insulated, as a child and teen it gave you a very secure and comfortable feeling that it was YOUR town, you were really tied to it. You are very sheltered from the rest of the world and from any hard realities, but considering most leave the area for college and nearly everyone I know from my class are now living in big cities, you do eventually face real life while still having had a great childhood. It seems like if there are some loud snobby moms in the elementary schools they should be easy enough to avoid. I KNOW there are plenty of great people in that town and it just takes time and shared experiences (should be easy enough if your kids are growing up together) to move past any initial coldness.

Thank you for your post. This is why we moved to Ridgewood and I absolutely love it here. It's nice to hear positive thoughts from an actual Ridgewood alum. :-)