Hi Hope,
My family and I have been searching for very similar criteria (except for the nyc commute)
My daughter's asian, so we've done a lot of research on greatschools.net to ensure that the town we move to has the diversity we want. We're looking now at Ocean Twp. in Monmouth county, but haven't decided finally yet. We currently live in Piscataway, but the neighborhood we're in is completely lacking any sense of community/kids to play with/etc. and we'd like to be in monmouth county to be closer to family.
Best of luck!
Rebecca