New Jersey, the official land of the a**holes? (live in, moving)

[dhanu86]

Originally Posted by BergenCountyJohnny

Maybe that's just Newark. I haven't found the people up here in Bergen County to be any worse (or better) than people anywhere else in the nation, and I've been all over.

I'm very friendly towards people, and the vast majority of the time they are friendly back, both here in NJ and everywhere else. I can't help but think that most, if not all, of the people who whine about "NJ the official land of a**holes" carry that attitude with them all over Jersey, and can't help but show it (no matter how much they think they are hiding it). Not surprisingly, in turn they are met with the same crappy attitude. Well, not surprising to me, but I'm sure they are surprised by it, thinking they've effectively hidden their crappy attitude and that it's always the other person who's the a**hole. Negativity breeds negativity, but some people just never learn that.

Also, I've noticed that those who promote this mentality that a state makes people to be generally a**holes, tend to be the blamers. They're the ones who blame everything and everyone else for their misery, and they're the ones who most complain about everything and anything else. Basically, the whiners and complainers and the blamers. They never take responsibility for themselves, it's always someone else's fault.

I'm not convinced but I agree that negativity breeds negativity, like a circle that never ends passed from one person to the next. Bottomline is there are plenty of sick people in society as well as jerky ones and they stir up a chemical reaction among everyone. I imagine the good old days weren't like this but how would I know. So long as I dont come across the wrong person and end up in trouble I'm good.

[Huckleberry3911948]

not a chance we are #1 ask anybody.
but dont touch that bulldozer, we have no winter, none.

[BergenCountyJohnny]

Originally Posted by dhanu86

I'm not convinced but I agree that negativity breeds negativity, like a circle that never ends passed from one person to the next. Bottomline is there are plenty of sick people in society as well as jerky ones and they stir up a chemical reaction among everyone. I imagine the good old days weren't like this but how would I know. So long as I dont come across the wrong person and end up in trouble I'm good.

I'm glad you agree that negativity breeds negativity, but I still have to wonder why then you spread negativity yourself

[Giantwon]

If you think New Jersey is #1 well then you have never lived anywhere else!

[Ketabcha]

Originally Posted by njkate

LOL..yep watch out if they start the statement with.....well bless her lil ole heart.....lol

We don't all talk like we have marbles in our mouths. LOL

However, all my cousins do. And so do my aunts and uncles......and my mother.....and my sister.....

Never Mind.

[Ninjahedge]

Originally Posted by Giantwon

If you think New Jersey is #1 well then you have never lived anywhere else!

If you are referring to this:

not a chance we are #1 ask anybody.

I think he is saying the opposite. About what and who, though, I don't know!!!

[tahiti]

Originally Posted by BergenCountyJohnny

Maybe that's just Newark. I haven't found the people up here in Bergen County to be any worse (or better) than people anywhere else in the nation, and I've been all over.

I'm very friendly towards people, and the vast majority of the time they are friendly back, both here in NJ and everywhere else. I can't help but think that most, if not all, of the people who whine about "NJ the official land of a**holes" carry that attitude with them all over Jersey, and can't help but show it (no matter how much they think they are hiding it). Not surprisingly, in turn they are met with the same crappy attitude. Well, not surprising to me, but I'm sure they are surprised by it, thinking they've effectively hidden their crappy attitude and that it's always the other person who's the a**hole. Negativity breeds negativity, but some people just never learn that.

Also, I've noticed that those who promote this mentality that a state makes people to be generally a**holes, tend to be the blamers. They're the ones who blame everything and everyone else for their misery, and they're the ones who most complain about everything and anything else. Basically, the whiners and complainers and the blamers. They never take responsibility for themselves, it's always someone else's fault.

You know, this got me thinking. The first time I went to Utah, I found the people to be not quite unfriendly, but distant and cold (if not a bit odd) would be how I'd put it. I was in my early 20's, and I probably had some preconceived notions on the whole mormon thing, and I'm willing to own up to the fact that it was possibly *my* demeanor that set the tone. Doesn't help that I was pretty shy back then too.

Good observation!

[Ninjahedge]

It is a two way road in more ways than one (um, did that make sense? )

It is not only what you project (such as fear towards a passing minority), but how YOU perceive their reactions.

The human mind is built with an associative memeory. We only remember facts directly when we have a mental problem (Autism). So we associate our observances with what we already know and believe. This gets very difficult in scientific analysis (and can be seen a LOT when people talk about charged issues like Global Warming), but it also presents a lot of prejudice when it comes to social interaction.

While this prejudice may have kept us alive in the wild, and does some passing good in short term contact with people (is that guy a mugger, can that guy help me, etc), it does not work well on prolonged social contact, as your mind will take that preconceived bill of fare and try to fit any further observances into an already pre-made slot.

Try this. Many people have done this. "Every time I do this, this happens". You can fil in the "this" portion. But seriously take a look at the evnts. If they are 100% unrelated, start keeping track of them. Chances are, the only reason you feel that the two are connected is because you only notice, remember and associate the occurances when they happen at the same time.

Otherwise, why bother remembering, it is just like every other day, you know?

So that is the double whammie. Your body language, phraseology, eye contact all transmit subconcious signals to the people around you. Some being more sensitive than others, will react more than others.

This behavior and their reaction fits into what you FEEL they should be behaving like and, lo and behold, they do.

Just remember, it is quite normal for someone to say "hey" when you smack themupside the head. It doesn't mean they are a Naxi!

[dhanu86]

Originally Posted by BergenCountyJohnny

I'm glad you agree that negativity breeds negativity, but I still have to wonder why then you spread negativity yourself

I'd like to call it more as sympathizing and having an outlet that it's ok to experience this because it's normal and real but we're not alone. Here's a story I read about negativity which explains it well....

Once during the ancient Roman empire there was a road which connected walled cities from Arabia through Persia. An old man would sit outside the entrance of one of the cities and tell stories to the kids. As he was telling one story to them, a wanderer came by. He was a man with a sack of his belonging. The wanderer asked the old man "are people friendly and sane and normal in this city?", the old man replied with a question, "are people friendly in the city u come from?", the guy says, "no my old city is filled of jerky bastards". So then the old man told him "oh i see, no this city here is just as bad so good luck"..... An hour later another wanderer comes by and asks the old man if his city is a nice place to live.. The old man asked, "well tell me about the city u come from?". The wanderer replied "it was a nice place to live, quite friendly with interesting people". The old man replied, "oh then u will easily find that here as well, welcome"........... The kids asked the old man why he responded to the 2 different guys differently from their same question. Then he went on to tell them another story.

[BergenCountyJohnny]

Originally Posted by dhanu86

I'd like to call it more as sympathizing and having an outlet that it's ok to experience this because it's normal and real but we're not alone. Here's a story I read about negativity which explains it well....

Once during the ancient Roman empire there was a road which connected walled cities from Arabia through Persia. An old man would sit outside the entrance of one of the cities and tell stories to the kids. As he was telling one story to them, a wanderer came by. He was a man with a sack of his belonging. The wanderer asked the old man "are people friendly and sane and normal in this city?", the old man replied with a question, "are people friendly in the city u come from?", the guy says, "no my old city is filled of jerky bastards". So then the old man told him "oh i see, no this city here is just as bad so good luck"..... An hour later another wanderer comes by and asks the old man if his city is a nice place to live.. The old man asked, "well tell me about the city u come from?". The wanderer replied "it was a nice place to live, quite friendly with interesting people". The old man replied, "oh then u will easily find that here as well, welcome"........... The kids asked the old man why he responded to the 2 different guys differently from their same question. Then he went on to tell them another story.

So, knowing this, why would you choose to be a negative person? You yourself know and say that negativity is a sickness passed on from person to person in a never ending circle and yet you choose this sickness for yourself? I honestly don't understand your attitude with this, unless you're saying you are unashamedly negative.

In any case, you and the others who want to see NJ as the "land of a**holes" create that illusion in your own minds and you all manifest it in your own lives, as your parable demonstrated. I guess what you're saying is that it's OK to be that way, but I disagree.