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Old 08-03-2009, 04:12 PM
 
Location: NJ
7,128 posts, read 13,838,133 times
Reputation: 3868

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
Marilyn, has your father told her it's ok to go?
She might not go until he says it's ok that she stop holding on.
Marilyn; in addition to this; if you can get back there tomorrow and sit with your dad, each of you get on each side of her; both of you hold her hands.
Tell your mom that she need not suffer any longer to stay here for you, you 2 will be ok and you tell her you will look after your dad.

If your sister can come and be there with you 2, that would be great, then the 3 of you can assure her you will be ok, see her when it's your time & that you will all look after each other.

Your dad needs to assure her that she can go to a better place where she won't have pain & sickness and that he will see her again when it's his time.

Keep reassuring her that it's ok to go and that you love her.
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Old 08-03-2009, 05:04 PM
 
16 posts, read 19,952 times
Reputation: 14
Being there with your family member during thier final days and hours, is a gift that many people will never experience. Once they pass you will be able to rest knowing that you were there unconditionally when they needed you most.
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Old 08-03-2009, 07:30 PM
 
Location: NJ/FL
220 posts, read 440,587 times
Reputation: 115
Sending prayers and hugs out to you as well. Tis no easy way to say goodbye, no right way either. Do this for yourself, those who are left behind may suffer for things left unsaid. Say them now, your own way. Tell your Mom everyone will be alright, God is waiting for her. My Dad fought to the end til we calmed him and let him know we loved him and wanted only for him to be a peace. Peace to you and yours at this lonely, sad time. God always sends tomorrow, when he takes away today. Hugs
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Old 08-04-2009, 04:21 PM
 
Location: NJ
7,128 posts, read 13,838,133 times
Reputation: 3868
Marilyn, still thinking of you.
Do you have an update?
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Old 08-04-2009, 04:27 PM
 
5,352 posts, read 9,442,964 times
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im having a terrible day thats the update. This is just plain horrible!! Its like watching death everyday. Its so depressing and emotionally I am feeling just terrified. Its such a gut wrenching scene.

Mom is still hanging in there, color is terrible, not really eating anything solid, they actually say this could take a week or two. They keep coming in with all these DNR forms and basically a new one that your gonna die here and sign. Its just plain crappy, depressing and terrible. I wish it was over with now. I cant take going there and watching Dad suffer, mom suffer and me basically getting yelled at by Dad who is in terrible shape too. The crying between both of them. Its just the worst death scene you could imagine. Hollywood has nothing on us. I am in so much mental pain today. The bottom line is I just want this over with. I cant deal with it well today.

She is on 4 mg of demeral every few hours, she is confused, she sat up today, that was one good thing! Look its just when, and she was confused today and said whats gonna happen with me?? ANd we figure to say one day at a time incase she forgot death is knocking we did not want to remind her! The she cried, then dad cried, then I felt like getting high, stoned or smoke a cigarette, neither of them I did. Its just plain HELL!

thanks for asking
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Old 08-04-2009, 04:31 PM
 
Location: 38 38' 45" N, -90 20' 08" W
7,646 posts, read 11,539,353 times
Reputation: 6186
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevemorse View Post
im having a terrible day thats the update. This is just plain horrible!! Its like watching death everyday. Its so depressing and emotionally I am feeling just terrified. Its such a gut wrenching scene.

Mom is still hanging in there, color is terrible, not really eating anything solid, they actually say this could take a week or two. They keep coming in with all these DNR forms and basically a new one that your gonna die here and sign. Its just plain crappy, depressing and terrible. I wish it was over with now. I cant take going there and watching Dad suffer, mom suffer and me basically getting yelled at by Dad who is in terrible shape too. The crying between both of them. Its just the worst death scene you could imagine. Hollywood has nothing on us. I am in so much mental pain today. The bottom line is I just want this over with. I cant deal with it well today.

thanks for asking
I wish there was something I could convey to you that will uplift you, but I think you already get it. You get it in my bolded sentence. And I will say it again: the sense of relief you will feel will be uplifting. It will raise the spirits of everyone. In the short term, though, I hate to say it, but it's going to get worse. Most people just can't do this. That, in part, is why medical personnel are compensated so well.
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Old 08-04-2009, 04:39 PM
 
1,080 posts, read 3,095,575 times
Reputation: 568
My heart goes out to you, watching a loved one go through this is nerve racking, your emotions are on a roller coaster, your dealing with your dad, poor man, nursing home staff......yes, you want all the pain to stop, you want it to be offer, and when it is you will feel relief, you and dad will be able to sit and talk, maybe even laugh through the tears. No one wants to lose a parent, I lost mom in 91, my husband in 94 and dad in 95 and as an only child I thought to myself "I'm now a orphan". You will find out who your true friends are, some may not call for awhile, others will be there with a hug.

I dealt with our local hospice and they told me almost to the day when my husband was going to pass, I was able to get arrangements all made, relatives were on alert, visitors/phone calls all made. I will never never forget that night, its a very vivid memory......my heatfelt thoughts are with you and your family. Here's a hug just for you.
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Old 08-04-2009, 04:41 PM
 
5,352 posts, read 9,442,964 times
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thanks mike,, songbird, all of you!!! yes I know its going to get worse. That what the hospice lady said. She actually gave it play by play its not too fun. Color will get worse, more yellow, more pain, more pain medication, more misery.

This really makes me question is there a God. I know , I know but I tell you watching this is like getting really mad at This guy upstairs. Why would he do this to someone? I just am in a mad at god mood. Who else can I blame?

Well I need to relax, I have not eaten all day, I cant take any medication to zone me out, I just go and lift heavy weights for a relief. I picked up the 35 lbs dumbbells each hand and did should presses like nothing. At least Im getting good muscle defination with all this anger.

Thanks
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Old 08-04-2009, 04:45 PM
 
Location: NJ
7,128 posts, read 13,838,133 times
Reputation: 3868
I'm sorry.
It's amazing how she is talking and sitting up.
The only thing my dad was really able to do in those few days hospice was in was swallow pills & eat a little bit of soft food - like applesauce - that was Saturday & Sunday. I think he took some pills Monday; but went downhill fast, then passed.

We had no warning. He'd been to the Dr a few days before, they never mentioned anything about his body shutting down. I'm surprised your mom is lasting so long.

Try to hang in there. We know how hard it is.
You know where to find me if you need something.
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Old 08-04-2009, 04:51 PM
 
5,352 posts, read 9,442,964 times
Reputation: 2374
I wish it fast, its like visiting death everyday. I feel like an E. Allen Poe novel could come out of this experience. I always wondered how he came up with his gruesome ideas, now I know.
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