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Old 08-10-2009, 12:12 PM
 
5,616 posts, read 15,494,187 times
Reputation: 2823

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by the way re reading this, I know its illegal to buy off the blackmarket! I guess I was just mad, I really didnt mean to sound so uncompassionate. I dont have the answer for my sister but I just want to stop feeling guilt and with my mother now going it resurfaces the whole sister crap!
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Old 08-10-2009, 12:56 PM
 
2,312 posts, read 7,512,476 times
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Wow, I am sorry that your family expects you to be an organ donor. It's your right to refuse, no question about it.

There are a couple of other options for your sis:

I read recently about a kidney donor service on the web that matches people up with potential donors. It costs a couple of hundred dollars for the kidney seeker to post. Your sis can also register for a kidney transplant in other states with shorter waiting lists than NJ (which has a really long wait), if she can afford to pay for transport when the kidney becomes available. Steve Jobs, the chief of Apple, recently had a kidney transplant in Tennessee.

I'm sorry you have to watch your mother die of kidney failure. Somehow it doesn't seem humane. Why can't the docs just give her an overdose of morphine and end it last week????

I'm sorry if that's a crude comment to make, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I can't imagine anything worse that having to watch one's own mother die of organ failure over the course of ten days .

When it's my turn (if I die of cancer) I hope I'll be able to have a little more control over where and when....
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Old 08-10-2009, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes +
5,553 posts, read 6,729,518 times
Reputation: 8575
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevemorse View Post
what a day. Her liver is going with the cancer and Doctors said dont even bother with Sloan Kettering, she is bright yellow , liver is going and only a few days left. I still have a few more days to spend with her this is such a weird feeling. I am sad, but prepared I hope my Dad can pull thru. I have been over there alot and saw she was getting more yellow by the day I knew this was coming. I guess your never really read though. At least I had time.

want to hear something even stranger, except for my husband and Dad all my friends and relatives have kinda pulled away from me. Its like they dont want to deal with it and or me. It makes me feel like you people are better friends than my real family and friends. Death sure brings out strange things in people.
Dear stevemorse, I know about that horrific loneliness that comes with a death or impending death and others aren't there for you because they feel uncomfortable and unsure of themselves. I hope there is a lesson here for those who read this thread - just be there. Don't say anything. Just hug the person and be there. PLEASE. You have no idea how comforting that is for someone having to endure this type of thing. Take care, and I hope it goes as well for you, Steve, as it possibly can.
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Old 08-10-2009, 01:33 PM
 
5,616 posts, read 15,494,187 times
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thanks both of you. No it was not cruel to say that clevedark! I am not expected to be the donor I think my guilt causes me to think messed up thoughts. Maybe alot is in my head. I told my sister today, look do you have alot of time left on dialysis and she said yes, IM fine i can last years no problems. So that helped with the guilt I am feeling. I told her look in a few years or more if you dont find a donor and the doctor says look you got only a few months, to call me and let me know maybe I will do it under the seriousness that you only have a few months left but for now keep staying on the list and hope. I also told my sister I cant promise it but let me make the choice if it comes down to life or death. You see right now she is young and can stay on dialysis for ten years plus. So lets pray she gets help and a donor dead or alive. Its too bad my Mom has no good kidneys they could have helped right now!

Thanks its just alot for me to bear right now.
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Old 08-10-2009, 02:06 PM
 
5,616 posts, read 15,494,187 times
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I hope this blog does not beat the unemployment thread as far as posts!
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Old 08-10-2009, 02:14 PM
EB2
 
Location: Florida
1,925 posts, read 6,349,121 times
Reputation: 1067
I'm so, so sorry Marilyn. *hugs*

My thoughts are with you, your mother and father, and the rest of your family.
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Old 08-10-2009, 08:19 PM
 
284 posts, read 541,909 times
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.........Hello 'Steve'
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Old 08-11-2009, 01:52 PM
 
5,616 posts, read 15,494,187 times
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well today was bad. Bad! They have the oxygen tank now in the room and her on it. Her eyes were mostly rolled in the back of her head all day. Almost like looking at someone totally different. Depressing, scarey, and gruesome. No more food or water. Its basically just plain horrible. Everyday I go thinking something better will happen and it just get worse.

TO top it off my and my father are yelling at each other and just plain out being rotten to one and other. Its like a bad woody allen movie on how disfunctional this is. I cant take too much more.
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:16 PM
 
Location: NJ
983 posts, read 2,768,548 times
Reputation: 1902
Marilyn, isn't there a social worker there that can help your family deal with this (and with each other)?
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:24 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,507 posts, read 5,901,364 times
Reputation: 1452
Default On your side

Hi Marilyn,

I sure hope that your husband is on your side & has strong shoulders for you to lean on. Besides him, we all are on your side & we've got your back girlfriend. Stay strong & do what's best for YOU. If you need to excuse yourself from this situation, then go. It sounds horrible. Between your dying Mom, your sister, your Dad.. ..geezz that's alot of weight to be carrying on your shoulders.
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