How are your neighbors? (Montclair, Scotch Plains: how much, homes, wedding)

[GiantRutgersfan]

Originally Posted by marye711

I agree I would never have anyone over that I dont know..just say hi and make small talk.......if he wants to mingle you will soon know. My neighbors are great ...for once lol

whats he gonna do, murder your family over a steak?

Whats with the irrational fear. jeez

[LisaMc46]

When my husband and I bought our first home in Essex County, N.J. our neighbors were great. We didn't hang out together or throw block parties, but everyone looked out for each other and every night when we walked our dogs it was easy to strike up conversations.

When I was pregnant with our first child it was a brutally hot summer and one neighbor even invited me to use his pool to cool off whenever I wanted, even if he was home. When we had the baby, many of the neighbors brought us baby gifts.

Then, one day my husband was in the shower when he heard a large "pop." When he got out of the shower he saw blue flashing lights in the bathroom window. Our driveway was filled with cops and there were cop cars all over the street.

Turns out our next store neighbor shot his sister in law with a rifle as she was coming downstairs one morning. He lived in the house with his parents, his brother and sister in law and their kids and they were always fighting. I think it was the first murder our town had seen in decades.

He was charged with murder, but found to be insane so he was put in a mental health facility for a few years. While he was away the house started to deteriorate and the remaining relatives became even more disfunctional. The widower started to date a drug addict, they had a few kids together, the little house was overflowing with noise and chaos and they just weren't pleasant people to live next door to.

We sold the house just as the brother in law was set to be released from the mental health facility. Rumor was that his family had forgiven him and he was going to move back into the house.

We take a drive down the block whenever we visit N.J. and most of our old neighbors are still living there. Everyone seems to still get along although they avoid my former next door neighbors.

[marye711]

Originally Posted by GiantRutgersfan

whats he gonna do, murder your family over a steak?

Whats with the irrational fear. jeez

Especially since the op said he seemed like a loner I wouldnt let an unknown person inside........thats just me sorry. Maybe he wont murder but he could scope out the place, I just wouldnt open myself to it thats all.

[PEBCAK]

I live in Waldwick.. Love my neighbors. They are warm, friendly and respectful of your privacy when you need it. We're often at each other's backyards for BBQ's

[CaptainNJ]

i barely ever see my neighbors. when i walk the dog, i rarely see anyone outside their houses. the neighborhood seems to have been changing over from a bunch of jews to a mixture with russians, indians, chinese, blacks. its interesting. the development is older now and the beautiful houses are covered with trees. its sad.

i am looking to move to a community where i will hopefully be able to interact more with neighbors. i would like to be in a more friendly community.

[marye711]

Originally Posted by PEBCAK

I live in Waldwick.. Love my neighbors. They are warm, friendly and respectful of your privacy when you need it. We're often at each other's backyards for BBQ's

Here too, in fact my son just married my neighor's sister across the street and what a wedding it was. They met through us and now we are closer than ever (hope it remains that way lol)

[RobRiguez]

Originally Posted by BergenCountyJohnny

I like it this way. I don't want to be friends with my neighbors, I just want to be friendly and civil. I have lots of friends for whom I barely have time as it is, I don't need friends who are friends just by virtue of living near me.

Id rep you again if it would let me.

Originally Posted by historyjunkie42

I'm just curious to see what he is like, what he does for a living, if he has any family or friends, etc. I mean, how could someone live next door to another person for years and not know a single thing about them? (not that I've been here for years, but at this rate I'll never meet him unless I make the first move)

Um, if you tried this with me as my neighbor I would stay as far away from you as I could and probably erect a 50' stockade fence. Waaaaaaay too nosey for my taste.

Originally Posted by Irish Eyes

If I had to talk to someone - or even aknowledge them - every time I stepped foot outside of my house I would sell it.

Same here

In general I am friendly but I keep to myself. I will always help if someone needed a hand. I have been known to cut the grass of the old guy across the street (he doesnt get around very well, his wife is in a wheelchair, his youngest son is old enough to be my father) and I know he doesnt have much money so, rather than having him pay the landscaper $40-50/week, I do it once in a while and, every once in a while, I find HUGE bags of fresh tomatoes from his garden by my front door. Works for me.

The 2 women next to me talk Waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much and I purposely avoid them like the plague becuase a simple nod and "Hey how ya doin" has lead to an almost hour long uncomfortable conversation. They are VERY nice and especially nice to my son, buying him little toys or even buying him a small italian ice one day when it was very hot. So I tolerate them but otherwise I steer clear.

My Mother in law, on the other hand, knows everyone on our street, around the corner, and some on the next few blocks from walking around the neighborhood. She has become quite the social butterfly. Now tht my son is in day care, she has joined in with the little old bitties and they go shopping together, help each other with little craft projects, even took a trip to AC for the weekend together last month. Shes the youngest of them all but they have fun. Sooooo, not my thing.

I work 60-80 hours a week. All i want to do is to hang with the fam and work on my car(s), chill in the yard, BBQ erryonce in a while. I dont need to socialize.

[CaptainNJ]

Originally Posted by BergenCountyJohnny

I like it this way. I don't want to be friends with my neighbors, I just want to be friendly and civil. I have lots of friends for whom I barely have time as it is, I don't need friends who are friends just by virtue of living near me.

the easiest way to make and maintain friendships (in my experience) is living in close proximity to your friends. my closest friends are my friends from college. we met living in a dorm together and hanging out every day. now i am in new jersey and they are spread out in boston, dc, california, etc. i wish i could see them more frequently but thats just not possible. i know i will never have the ability to make friends like that again (maybe if i live long enough to retire) so i look forward to the opportunity to live in a community where i can develop friendships with people who live right near me.

[doc1]

Invite him over. He might just be shy.

Qiuet neighbors are the best neighbors, imo.

[mikeym81]

Originally Posted by bergencountyjohnny

i'm friendly with all my neighbors except one, who has tried to give me a hard time about stupid things in the past and then pretends she never behaved like a crazy b*tch towards me. With her, i'm still civil, but there's tension. She had put up a fence between us, so i put up trees along the fence. Eventually, some ivy she planted on her side of the fence crept under the fence and wound itself around several of my trees, taking root right under them. Earlier this summer, i set out removing the ivy, being careful not to pull the ivy from her side of the fence but unwrapping the ivy from my trees and uprooting it on my side of the fence. Of course, when she saw me doing this, she came outside (she's never outside) and stood on the other side of her fence (we couldn't see each other) and smoked and talked on the phone while i did this for over an hour. She was undoubtedly waiting for me to pull ivy from her side so she could go into crazy lunatic mode on me. Well, i was careful and she never had the chance. A few days later, i see her going to her car as i'm walking to mine, and she smiles and says "hi!" i smiled and returned the "hi" but thought, "what a jerk."

my other neighbors i get along with but we're not friends, we don't invite each other over or anything. Every couple of months i might go over onto one of their lawns or driveways to chat for 5 minutes, or they may come over to mine, but that's that. In winter, i will offer the old lady across the street to snowblow her walk, but she almost always declines since her son shows up to do it later.

I like it this way. I don't want to be friends with my neighbors, i just want to be friendly and civil. I have lots of friends for whom i barely have time as it is, i don't need friends who are friends just by virtue of living near me.

I know my one set of neighbors thought i was some kind of curmudgeon for the longest time because i didn't go and try to make friends with them like their other neighbors did. Well, a couple of years later they had a falling out with those other neighbors and it's worse than if they had just been civil and nothing more from the start. Then they approached me (the wife did) about work they were having done on the house, and their ex-friend neighbors gave them a hard time and i could tell she was afraid i'd be a pain about it, but i just said, "sure, no problem, whatever you need from me let me know; i'm glad for you to make those improvements, good luck." we then chatted about what a pain it is, and how long it was going to take, and i honestly didn't care, but they then learned i'm a nice guy but i just keep to myself. Ever since then we chat on rare occasion, the kids come trick-or-treating at my home, they are never uncomfortable about approaching me.

I think in nj, it's a crowded state and many people, like me, want home to be a refuge. Even from friends and family. All day you're around people, you get no time alone. You come home and your neighbors are close by, even in a neighborhood like mine where we are considered to have good sized properties for nj. If you become close friends with your neighbor, that may be a good friendship, but you lose much of the "sanctuary" aspect that is your home, because they are right there, all the time. I know many of my friends feel the same way; be civil w/ neighbors and prefer to keep your friendships away from home.

I don't think this is unusual, it's a theme that's exploited often in tv and movies, e.g. Everybody loves raymond where the parents are always around, or seinfeld where kramer always barges in, or laverne and shirley w/ lenny & squiggy, or christmas vacation w/ cousin eddie living in the driveway in his rv, etc.

aaammmeeenn!!!!