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A lot of people are giving towns in northern Monmouth County, which are perfectly fine choices, except they're farther from Toms River. If you're looking for a nice, small town with a downtown area and tight community, Manasquan is a very nice choice and is in southern Monmouth County. It's also very close to the beach, which is an obvious plus over TR (no bridge to cross!). Brielle is another nice choice, though there really isn't a downtown area. Manasquan's downtown is pretty much also Brielle's, but Brielle has a very tight knit community in its own right and is a very nice place to live.
Also, consider staying in Ocean County and moving to Bay Head. It's pricey, but not as bad as Rumson. It's a very, very nice small town with a cute downtown area only a few blocks from the ocean. You're only a few minutes away from Point Pleasant Boro (another option on its own, actually) with all its stores, too, and not THAT far from Brick where all the big box stores are. Additionally, for what it's worth, have you thought of Island Heights, which is in the backyard of TR? The homes there are absolutely beautiful and it's its own small town on the water which fosters a classic, small town feel.
I don't know much about Bergen County, so I don 't have much to compare it to personally, but I think I sort of know what you're looking for. For most Shore residents, proximity to the beach/bay is a big factor in where to live, but if you're a North Jersey person at heart, I'm not sure how much that would really apply. Except for the small towns by the beach, most Ocean and Monmouth county towns are going to be bigger in size than most North Jersey towns because the borders were drawn when there was a lot of land available. So in that regard, your options are somewhat limited.
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