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It looks like you have several complaints. if i were you, i would treat them as separate issues.
The other issue is you getting a boyfriend. you workign 7days a week does not help the situation, naturally. i was warned long ago by my mom to find a good girl in college, cause once you get out its damn hard to be so selective. But you can circumvent this by getting an MA or an MBA, going to campus, etc.
I cannot see how other cities differ considerably with the # of available men. after rereading some of the other posters' posts on this thread, maybe i am missing something. how does it differ from being a single black female versus a single white female versus a single indian or asian female? its only different if you look at it through a selective lens.
you will find your way if you treat these issues separately.
Missing something? That's putting it mildly.
This is 2007 and everyone does not meet in college anymore. The south is the obvious choice for this poster. Of course the fact that there are more black people in the south than anywhere else factors in. Jobs, cost of living, available dates, etc.-an area in the southeast seems like the way to go.
Does it differ being a Black female? Do certain cities have an advantage when it comes to educated available men? The answer to these questions are obviously yes. Someone must be living under a rock to pose such questions.
Charlotte, NC has a very large Black middle class(has had for a long time) with many professionals residing there. Lots of college educated males and many options for networking. It would be easy to meet people there and the cost of living is pretty low. Apartment/housing stock is excellent also.
Also if you can afford it- the D.C. area is a good place to check out.
Missing something? That's putting it mildly.
This is 2007 and everyone does not meet in college anymore. The south is the obvious choice for this poster. Of course the fact that there are more black people in the south than anywhere else factors in. Jobs, cost of living, available dates, etc.-an area in the southeast seems like the way to go.
Does it differ being a Black female? Do certain cities have an advantage when it comes to educated available men? The answer to these questions are obviously yes. Someone must be living under a rock to pose such questions.
Charlotte, NC has a very large Black middle class(has had for a long time) with many professionals residing there. Lots of college educated males and many options for networking. It would be easy to meet people there and the cost of living is pretty low. Apartment/housing stock is excellent also.
Also if you can afford it- the D.C. area is a good place to check out.
Cosign to the fullest---Charlotte, NC has everything you have stated!
Original poster: check out Black Enterprise for the month of April--- some of the top ten cities for Black professionals where:
my point regarding meeting someone in college was that the OP had a complaint over meeting men. my assumption? she was looking for a good man, perhaps someone of a similar educated background. not just someone at the bar, etc.
Charlotte, NC has a large black middle class? how about Montclair, NJ? Or Piscataway, NJ? Please explain to me how moving there will make even ONE bit of difference, especially since most people meet nowadays either at the workplace or at college.
Does it differ being a Black female? you said it does. i say it does not. only if you are looking through a selective lens it does, and that lens is both based on race, class, and gender.
if you start thinking like that, you are going to have arrows pointing every which way and come to some very wrong conclusions. we are all humans, and as i mentioned in different posts, my wife is indian (and im white).
it made not 1 bit of difference to me what her race was, and vice-versa. of course her family didnt like it.
i never thought of myself as a single white male looking for someone of a similar background. i thought of myself as a human, seeking another human, who was cool, and someone who i could bond with.
i am aware of the complaints on the internet that several black women have regarding the pool of good black men. i have read Dyson; i have listened and read Cosby's commencement speech; i do not live under a rock. i know their main arguments.
How does moving across several states solve this problem of meeting someone? The hidden assumption in that argument is that there are a dirth of good black men here in NJ.
as i mentioned earlier, all the OP has to do is go onto personals at yahoo dot com , read the mens profiles (which number in the several thousands), and find someone suitable.
Location: Lived Large in Parsippany NJ - Lived Larger in Livingston, NJ -- Now Living Huge in Bethlehem PA
466 posts, read 2,200,158 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johnsonliz2
Hi
I am a 24 year old black single female who lives in the urban area of NJ. I have a Bachelors degree in Psy, no particular experience in any field but willing to do anything excluding sales. I hate my job, I'm lonely, have been running into the worst men, and I do not have a concrete plan for the future. I would love to relocate to a place where I can find a decent job, find an adventure and meet better male prospects. Its almost impossible to survive in NJ if you do not have a Masters degree. I have 2.5 jobs and work 7 days a week so that I can afford a social life and my bills. I'm tired, desperate and need a change. Please tell me that there is hope and the armed forces isn't my only hope. I would love a place a little slower than NY/ NJ but with a metro area and great night life. I would love warmer climate and lower cost of living. Any suggestions? In my research I have come up with Chicago, Houston, and Charlette, NC. Are these ideal places for single black woman?
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Home sweet home baby .... seems you need a better job - this is NJ and almost everybody needs about two jobs to survive but that does not mean you should not have a life.
If I may ask how much are you making, what kind of jobs are you currently doing and where in NJ are you located?...since this could be a location problem as well. One other thing is are you living within your means that is not spending on stuff you want but just on stuff you need. I went through pretty much the same thing after college for two years working three jobs with only four hours of sleep each day just to make ends meet, thought of getting out of NJ several times but finally figured it was not worth it with all these bills - that is even if you move out mind you your bills will not vanish they will tag right along with you and one mistake you do not want is to move out and find out you had it better in NJ then move back. Just think about this and weigh your options before you decide on anything - do not let the depression and stress think for you.
Have you looked into other fields or thought of commuting further to where you could earn some more $$$ whiles still living in NJ?
If you really want out then I'd say Raleigh - NC is your best bet..!!
"Charlotte, NC has a large black middle class? how about Montclair, NJ? Or Piscataway, NJ? Please explain to me how moving there will make even ONE bit of difference, especially since most people meet nowadays either at the workplace or at college"
Are you seriously trying to lecture this OP on interracial relationships? She is looking to relocate and I'm sure could care less what race your wife is. I know I don't. Post that in General somewhere.
The largest Black middle class area in the US is located in the south. This has long been true. That is certainly not the case in NY/NJ, New England or the midwest. Those cities in the south have a rich history and long established ties to Black institutions of higher learning. There are just many more Black people in that part of the world and that increases the odds of finding more professionals, college grads, etc. The fact that it is a less expensive part of the world is well known and would factor in for this OP.
Everyone certainly does not meet in college. That is very young to settle down IMHO.
my point was not to get hung up on looking only for single black men--as if there are no other men available. and i gave the OP poster an impetus to look at in my case, saying how if you are looking for compansionship, it needn't matter. additionally, my point was that she did not need to migrate a couple of states away to find someone. you need not care what race my wife is, as my most was intended for the OP, and not you.
I think that is great advice as far as treating my issues seperately. As far as your other suggestions I do not recall stating that I was looking for a single black man. I stated that I would like to find better male prospects. I pointed out the I was a single black woman to give the readers a better description of what I may be looking for. Yes I would prefer living in an area with rich African American roots with lower cost of living and Montclair does not have that. I would know I hang out in Montclair and I would not be able to rent an apt there if my life depended on it because it is so expensive. And it makes every difference in the world what your race is. If I were to put single white female someone would have suggested something different ha probably NJ or NY. I have never been seriously approached by a man outside my race and I would not look the other way if they did. My eyes are open, but I have to be realistic. I went to a University that only held 13% african american students and nothing. Not that I stated my preference and it is not important but I date black men, and I realized the average black man in NJ/NY with an education does not want to commit and has very little since of value for family and relationships. He knows that he is a commodity because he has a job and a education.
As far as working seven days a week I still have an active social life and that is not limited just bars and parties.
Thanks for the school advice but that is not the route I would like to take again any time soon. Its not that I want to run away from my problems but sometimes changes can be for the better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by meameame12
it looks like you have several complaints. if i were you, i would treat them as separate issues.
you do not need a masters degree to make good money. trust me, i have 2 of them. secondly, the degree you get your BA in does coorespond to economic rewards--or lack thereof. Psych is a good degree in teh sense that its general, and will lead to other opportunities. i am not sure that social work will cut it for paying the bills here, but you can certainly leapfrog that degree and land into a different program--or in a company that will pay more than other companies (the key here is the industry).
why not supplement that with an MBA--at least part-time?
the other issue is you getting a boyfriend. you workign 7days a week does not help the situation, naturally. i was warned long ago by my mom to find a good girl in college, cause once you get out its damn hard to be so selective. But you can circumvent this by getting an MA or an MBA, going to campus, etc.
I cannot see how other cities differ considerably with the # of available men. after rereading some of the other posters' posts on this thread, maybe i am missing something. how does it differ from being a single black female versus a single white female versus a single indian or asian female? its only different if you look at it through a selective lens. if you are open and willing to date other races,it should be no problem in finding a boyfriend. go to personals at yahoo dot com and create a profile--ill bet you will have responses within 24 hours; just be a little selective with your criteria and you may get a good catch.
you will find your way if you treat these issues separately.
I know Chicago is cold. Warmer climate is a preference but willing to change that. Chicago came up as one of the best place for African Americans so I thought I would put it out there and see what people thought.
Thanks for your feed back
Quote:
Originally Posted by bull136
First of all if you are looking for warmer climate and lower cost of living chicago is not a choice it is much colder there and the cost of living in a nice part of chicago is higher. And i disagree about whereever you go the problems will follow. we are from NJ and moved to raleigh NC. Are problem was we did not want to pay 350k for a 1200sqft 50 year old cape cod on a 1/5 acre lot that was completely out dated with property taxes of $6000 a year. In Raleigh we bought a 2300 sqft BRAND new home on an ACRE for $190k with taxes of $1300 a year so by moving we fixed our problem. Us being in the rental property buss. and not being able to find any condos or multi-families that made any money. Down here we have found dozens in nice area that make money. And the job market here is great. The weather is better than the north east most of the people we run into including half our neighbors are from NJ or NY. Most have been here for years and have no intentions of moving back to that overpriced **** hole.
I know Chicago is cold. Warmer climate is a preference but willing to change that. Chicago came up as one of the best place for African Americans so I thought I would put it out there and see what people thought.
Thanks for your feed back
check out Jacksonville FL, it was rated as one of the best places for young black professionals, I wouldn't know if they're correct because I'm not black or young, but do some research and see what you come up with
I am in the social serivce field, and my salary is early 30's with that one job. I know I am cursed because I care about people but I desperately want out of that field. I am looking to work in a University setting in the higher education field but I can not find a job because I do not have much experience in that field and I do not have a Master's. I am experience in many different things except for what I really want to do. I am at the point where I will do anything to leave my job even for the same salary.I'm now looking into goverment jobs and I am keeping my fingers crossed. I gave up on my goals and started looking for any type of job and anywhere. I already travel over an hour to get to work now. I do live within in my means that I am good with. My pt job is for savings and emergencies. I am not in debt. I know that bills will follow but something is missing in my life and I want to find it. I dont' want to live and die in NJ .you know?
Thank you for all you info I will surely way my option sbefore doing anything drastic. I am praying something will work out for me here
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaSkorpion
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Home sweet home baby .... seems you need a better job - this is NJ and almost everybody needs about two jobs to survive but that does not mean you should not have a life.
If I may ask how much are you making, what kind of jobs are you currently doing and where in NJ are you located?...since this could be a location problem as well. One other thing is are you living within your means that is not spending on stuff you want but just on stuff you need. I went through pretty much the same thing after college for two years working three jobs with only four hours of sleep each day just to make ends meet, thought of getting out of NJ several times but finally figured it was not worth it with all these bills - that is even if you move out mind you your bills will not vanish they will tag right along with you and one mistake you do not want is to move out and find out you had it better in NJ then move back. Just think about this and weigh your options before you decide on anything - do not let the depression and stress think for you.
Have you looked into other fields or thought of commuting further to where you could earn some more $$$ whiles still living in NJ?
If you really want out then I'd say Raleigh - NC is your best bet..!!
Good Luck ... !!!
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I will surely way my option sbefore doing anything drastic. I am praying something will work out for me here
