I've been here over a year and still no friends (how much, construction) - Page 2 - City-Data Forum

claire56 · 07-08-2012, 10:25 AM

I don't think it's all that unusual to not have friends at first. One of my friends moved to NYC about two and a half years ago, and he was miserable in the beginning. He said in the first nine months, he wanted to move back home. But then he got a girlfriend.

I might be moving to NYC soon if a job comes through. I'll know in a few weeks. I'm not all that worried about having friends because I have the friend who already lives there, a distant friend who lives in New Brunswick, NJ. I'll make her come out some weekend to Manhattan to hang with me. Plus, a guy friend who is as eager to move to NYC as I am. He might be coming along as well. I mean, I hope to make new friends, too, but it's nice to have a few already in place so I don't appear desperate. (Not that there's anything wrong with having the appearance of 'desperation' for friends. Needing new friends in a new city is normal.)

I'm not great at making friends, either. Circumstances in the past few years (like from '07 to now) have made it easy for me (and i have plenty of friends in the city where I am), but it was the circumstances that did it more so than my own charisma and charm. Grad school did it, plus my boyfriend's friends became my friends; I didn't have to work for them or be charming/cool; they were automatic.

FOReverxpeace · 07-08-2012, 11:43 AM

I think it's much easier to make friends when you're younger and much harder when you're older because everyone is just so different.

Cida · 07-08-2012, 02:43 PM

I'm struck by your wording: I go out all the time. I don't get it.

Perhaps I'm misinterpreting, but that implies to me that you're going out to bars or something and expecting to make friends that way. If so, I'm not particularly surprised. Maybe you should try the more traditional routes - socializing with people from work, joining clubs, taking classes, etc.

r small · 07-08-2012, 02:49 PM

People from work should be a good source for friends. And maybe look into joining some organizations in your neighborhood like neighborhood watch. As you can see from this forum alot of people are really into their neighborhoods. Caring about a neighborhood gives very diverse people something in common. Get into your neighborhood.

reppin_the_847 · 07-08-2012, 03:14 PM

I think it's a lot more difficult to make friends at older ages (compared to younger ages, school, college, etc.) because people are busy as hell with their workaholic lives and weekends are primarily there for a lot of folks just to breathe a little bit and unwind. I think this is more and more true once you're in your 30's and above.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FOReverxpeace

I think it's much easier to make friends when you're younger and much harder when you're older because everyone is just so different.

Suelaika · 07-09-2012, 05:55 AM

Hey, I agree with Reppin around your late 20's until you hit your 30's it's not the same. You have College, Grad School and Work. Try going to the clubs you can always meet people there. My boyfriend moved from another city to Nyc and he went through the same thing until we met.

EastBoundandDownChick · 07-09-2012, 08:08 AM

Seriously though, don't ever underestimate the power of good hygiene lol. Especially in NYC, where everyone is often close up to one another. This may sound a little ridiculous but it helps to carry a kit on you with a mini toothbrush, mini deodorant, cologne, etc. Details always count and everyone will appreciate it!

SobroGuy · 07-09-2012, 08:20 AM

Attempting to make friends at bars at 1am is silly. And if you are a dude trying to talk to other dudes at bars that is just not wise and can come across as gay, and some people may take it the wrong way. The best way to make friends anywhere is sharing something in common, like a sport, activity, club, profession, hobby, etc. For example, if you are an OK softball player, join a league....you will meet all the players, go with them to happy hours, meet their friends, etc...and before you know it you have an established network.

Maybe you are not athletic and you simply like to walk around Central Park? Join a walking group/jogging group. Do you like riding bike? Join a cycling group. Do you enjoy playing video games? Join a gaming group. Do you like to drink yourself into a coma? Join a drinking/bar club. There is something for everyone in NYC...just find something you like doing and find a group..and everything will be fine...or join several!

I generally don't like people, and prefer to have very few friends, so I keep my social circle very very small.

skilldeadly · 07-09-2012, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SobroGuy

Attempting to make friends at bars at 1am is silly. And if you are a dude trying to talk to other dudes at bars that is just not wise and can come across as gay, and some people may take it the wrong way. The best way to make friends anywhere is sharing something in common, like a sport, activity, club, profession, hobby, etc. For example, if you are an OK softball player, join a league....you will meet all the players, go with them to happy hours, meet their friends, etc...and before you know it you have an established network.

Maybe you are not athletic and you simply like to walk around Central Park? Join a walking group/jogging group. Do you like riding bike? Join a cycling group. Do you enjoy playing video games? Join a gaming group. Do you like to drink yourself into a coma? Join a drinking/bar club. There is something for everyone in NYC...just find something you like doing and find a group..and everything will be fine...or join several!

I generally don't like people, and prefer to have very few friends, so I keep my social circle very very small.

So very true. "Hey dude, I just wanna hang out at my place."

Work is the easiest place to make friends. Maybe join a gym and get to know people there. People in your building. Online, in the streets. Don't work on bars and clubs. Most are looking for hookups or to unwind with their friends and probably don't want people pestering them to be buddies. It may happen but you would have to awkwardly insert yourself into people's conversations. Join clubs, go out and strike up convos where you can and you might just find people that are receptive. Have your business card with your personal number on it so you can hand them it quickly and they can contact you if they want to.

SobroGuy · 07-09-2012, 08:56 AM

I am kind of on the fence about making friends from work. In general it is best to keep work and personal lives separate IMO...it avoids alot of potential problems. However, depends on your comfort level. You can be friendly with coworkers, but making them your personal friends can open yourself up to problems..what if you don't want to be their friends anymore, or get into a fight/argument....who knows...then you are stuck with them at work, or depend on their responsibilities to do your job, etc. Not worth the trouble.