Moved to NYC 2 years ago and I am so bored and without friends (New York: college, live)
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I agree with trying something like meetup...not everyone wants to be friends with coworkers and not everyone has coworkers who are close in age and interests. For example, many offices are 95% commuters with families. They come into work and go back home.
What borough do you live in? If you live in Manhattan, it's next to impossible to meet friends in bars. If you live in the outer boroughs (minus the hipster region in Brooklyn), you can try going to a local bar. I see people come out alone all the time to our local bars, and they make friends and have a good time. It's a good way to find people in your neighborhood, but you have to be in the right neighborhood in the first place.
So it looks like meetup.com is the best avenue. My problem is I am very conscious of going to a meetup alone. I know I shouldn't but I feel anxious walking into a meetup alone where most people know each other and I don't know anyone. But I think I should try.
As for office - I work for a bank in downtown and you are absolutely right - 95% of the people who work there live in the suburbs, have long commutes and have families to tend to - and most of them are not that fun anyways.
I am 36. I lived in the UES - around 1st avenue and I didn't like the area a bit - for almost 2 years - it was very hard to make friends for me.
I dated a lot of girls but that's not what I want to do anymore - I am more interested in having a very active social scene.
A couple of months back I moved to Grove Street (in downtown Jersey City) on a temporary basis because my lease in UES was getting over and I could not justify living in the city and having a crappy social life. I mean that's what you pay for when you live in the city. Another thing that kept bringing me down was that whenever and wherever I would go I would find places full of groups of people laughing and having fun and I just could not break in.
So yea, right now I am in JC but I want to move to the city now only if I can figure out and actually make some great friends.
Lastly - why do you say it's next to impossible to meet friends in a bar in Manhattan? - I sensed that but I never understood why it was so difficult.
Last edited by floyd777; 02-20-2013 at 05:43 PM..
Reason: Editing
and theres always the premise of... how did you meet friends in deleware? Just do that again in NYC.
Delaware was very different. I had a few friends but they were good friends since I knew them from work years ago and some that I knew from back when I was in India.
Despite that, the whole reason I moved to NYC was to escape the boredom that inevitably came from living in Delaware especially when most of my friends got married.
It's very difficult to make new friends in the City when you are in your 30's, or older. I struggle with this often (I'm 41, btw) because many of my friends have moved away (mostly to LA) and my few remaining friends don't like to go out and do anything fun anymore (plus everybody has paired up with a significant other except for me, which makes get togethers with them more awkward, as I am always the odd man out). If you don't have a circle of friends here already, you pretty much have to meet people through joining a club, taking a class, etc.
I never understood how or why its hard for people to meet other people then again because of my professions im always around all types of people and have a big social circle while my wife is the complete opposite and my close friends are still not even her friends.
List some things you like personally and perhaps some of us can help from there.
I moved to NYC about 2 years back and I have realized that I have less friends than when I was in Delaware. I am not very shy but am not too outgoing either. I am not white (I am east indian), quite smart and decent looking but for some reason I have never found good friends to hang out with. I have very few friends in the city and every weekend I find it a challenge to try to do something or meet new people.
I am not that interested in dating but more making friends - good friends.
This is the first time I am posting on this forum. Maybe someone can start me with some good tips?
Just join a club. Welcome to NY. People stay with their kin if you know what I mean. Just look at Brooklyn nuff said. Start by mingling with your own kind. Then work from their. Don't tell me you can't befriend your own people. Your financial status/ job plays a HUGE factor in who will be in your social circle. Just the way it is. Otherwise, most of your friends will only consist of College and HS. Makes sense too. No money means you're not meeting people. Just the way it is in NYC. Also, looks mean nothing in NYC and if you've been here for 2 years you'd know that. It's your behavior and your wallet that counts.
A lot of times you'll see people talk, but many are associates and well that is what friend means in NYC. People you just hang out with are your friends. When people ask you to tag along just say yes. "No" shouldn't be in your vocabulary at this point.
Anyways to sum up:
1. Join a club (more diverse club is, the better)
2. Reach out to ppl you know/ other East Indian ppl
3. Talk to people at your job attend events
Regardless of what anyone says, NY is a very materialistic society. Image, $$$, and Race matters way too much over here. If you look at how segregated NY is you'll see what I mean. You have the Gay only area. The Blacks only area. Whites only area. Spanish only area. Chinese only area. Japanese only area. Muslim only area. Jewish only area. Jamaicans only area. Indian only area. In each of these areas or "zones" there is a striking difference in wealth which also explains why NY is so carved. Not as bad as it used to, but racial tension still does exist. I could on and on about who likes who, who hates who, and so on, but that is why I say start with who you know best aka people that look like you. Needless to say, good people from all races everywhere and easy to find.
Most of the meetup groups you'll be going to are filled with people that joined by themselves and went to the meetups by themselves and are now "friends". Those groups would be even easier to join because it is full of people like yourself.
I just moved here in august and one of my favorite things to do is play hockey, so I joined a hockey team. Some of the team members have families to go home to, some of them are single and want to go grab a drink after words.
Also, have you seen the movie "Just Go With It"? If not, I suggest you watch it. Because like the above poster said, 'No' Should not be a word in your vocabulary. You'll see why I say to watch it once you do.
One thing that is making it hard for you to make friends is yourself. If you go into a social atmosphere and think, all these people are having fun with their friends and won't want to talk to me... guess what... they're not going to. They're not going to break out of their group to walk up to the strange guy sitting at the bar by himself. If you have the confidence that they will want to talk to you, and you go up and actually try to talk to someone, you have way better odds than not trying.
Whats the worst that could happen? You try to talk to people and they don't want to talk to you? Well you're in the same boat as if you didn't talk to them anyways but at least you tried.
My girlfriends mom has the best theory on how to get people to like you. Once you are with a group, make a complete ass of yourself and everyone will like you.
It's very difficult to make new friends in the City when you are in your 30's, or older. I struggle with this often (I'm 41, btw) because many of my friends have moved away (mostly to LA) and my few remaining friends don't like to go out and do anything fun anymore (plus everybody has paired up with a significant other except for me, which makes get togethers with them more awkward, as I am always the odd man out). If you don't have a circle of friends here already, you pretty much have to meet people through joining a club, taking a class, etc.
I've met people in over 60 in bars.
I'm not saying a bar or going out is the be all of existence, but on the other hand, if people are acting so pretentious that they can't even go out to do something fun, if they end up with no friends its their FAULT.
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