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What's the divorce rate for people who marry at age 19? How many 19 year olds form long term relationships?
Put it like this, I have never met anyone in their 30s who is with someone they were with when they were 19. If it happens, its far under 20% of the population.
And what 19 year old boy wants to commit to taking care of a woman long term? The OP's daughter, though its her choice, unless she wants to end up a destitute woman, should take this time out and figure out how to either to go college or get a trade. Because if she relies on a 19 year old dude to take care of her, and he for some reasons splits (or for that matter dies) what is she going to do if she has no skills and no real ability to take care of herself?
Maybe you are observing New Yorkers? I have met far more people who married at 19 and are still together with their spouses and they are not 20%. The military is just one example. It all depends on expectations. Those with more modest expectations stick together longer. Many places in the south and midwest have couple who marry young. They don't live in NY though, like the OP's daughter and there is such a thing as SAHMs.
As for skills - she will not have any skills if she moves to NY. Mother is not yet finished with school so daughter's educational needs cannot be provided for. My impression is that the daughter wants to start her own life away from her mom so she (daughter) can better take care of her own needs by living with her boyfriend.
I don't know, I'm from the south and no one I know who got married that young has had very successful marriages. Both my brother and my sister married their respective sweethearts right out of high school. My brother is separated from his wife, despite having three kids, and my sister divorced her first husband about 10 years ago and has since remarried. Another close family friend married at 19 and was divorced within a year--we all saw that one coming but they were dead set on it.
I don't think this thread is going to be removed, unfortunately... I keep checking back, and here it is. I can't help but wonder why people are becoming enthralled with aspects that are beside the point. But, I'll bite.
I offered the ages of my children for several reasons. My children are, and always will be, part of the equation. But, I also wanted to point out that they are not very young children, although my son is still a child. My girls are old enough to work and help if they choose to live with me, but that is certainly their own choice.
Incidentally - both my girls are college students. Education is something I made sure to instill the importance of all along the way. In fact, I have often stressed the advantages they will have in waiting to start a family until after their education. That was something lacking in my own background (the advice/importance of), so I decided to be the first generation to finish college, both for myself, and to set an example for my children.
In this regard, I have also made it very clear to my children that they will always have a place with me. I have told them I would rather they be able to focus on school, without the responsibilities of having to maintain their own household, until they are well-armed with a degree and perhaps a few more years of wisdom. I do not hold the philosophy that when a child reaches a certain age, they should be kicked from the nest. Rather, I'd like to help them prepare as much as possible, and avoid a hard struggle, if possible.
My 19 year old daughter is young and in love. She didn't move in with her boyfriend to avoid being with me, or to avoid making any kind of move - their decision was made long before the situation of late. What I am most concerned with is her happiness, but I have, of course, reminded her that I don't want school to become less of a priority. She is at a wonderful time in her life, and I want her to enjoy it. But, I certainly wouldn't want to rush her into, or assume, that they will marry. If they decide to at some point, more power to them. If it doesn't work out, however, I never want her to feel like she has to stay.
My children have been well provided for as they have grown, both during and after my marriage. It took me ten years to receive my A.A. because I was sometimes working two jobs, and I was the first to volunteer at their schools, sports, and other activities. They are healthy and thriving. Once I received my A.A., and I stepped back to evaluate my next move, I made the decision to take out loans that would allow me to focus on school full-time and finish faster, rather than having to work so much. I desperately wanted - and, still do - to have my B.A. under my belt once and for all. I have worked, sporadically, part-time, to supplement my loans. (In case that becomes a "hot-topic," please remember that loans are paid back, I am not mooching off the system.)
Anyway, I have managed to buy a little more time before I make the move. I have a job waiting for me now. I continue to focus on housing, both temporary for just me while I become established, and areas I am considering once I'm able and ready to bring my family up. Every day, I am grateful to have more people reach out to me, and I have no doubt that things will fall into place as I continue to seek information from every source possible, and work toward a solution. That is what lead me to this forum, with the thought that I'd like to hear from locals who don't know me at all. That seems to be both a blessing and a curse. lol
Since this thread looks like it's going to sit here no matter what, if you are someone reading it for the first time, please know that I have taken a new interest in wanting to make sure it serves a purpose. I will come back to post what worked for me, and/or what didn't work, and give some updates as to my progress - so do look for that later, no matter how off-topic this thread becomes.
Maybe she should consider more affordable cities in the Northeast? Philly, Boston, MA..Or she could move somewhere like 30 min outside of NYC, that is way more affordable, yet doable.
So name these magical places 30 minutes outside of NYC where it is way more affordable for a person with no money to live.
This reminds me of those nitwits who occasionally show up on the NJ forum thinking they can get a $750-a-month apartment in a suburban town with a 30-minute commute to the city.
So name these magical places 30 minutes outside of NYC where it is way more affordable for a person with no money to live.
This reminds me of those nitwits who occasionally show up on the NJ forum thinking they can get a $750-a-month apartment in a suburban town with a 30-minute commute to the city.
Actually, I know of several people who pay less than $750, and live in the city with a commute under 30 in good neighborhoods (in their own private apartments). I don't see what's so idiotic about asking about such places when they actually exist. I also think it's funny how highbrow the attitude has become on this thread. God forbid any bad fortune hit your life. Sometimes people get put in dire straits through no fault of their own. They try to make a better life the best way they know how and are met with nothing but criticism. She is not a government leech looking to drain the system, all she is looking for is short-term assistance and a fair shot.
Actually, I know of several people who pay less than $750, and live in the city with a commute under 30 in good neighborhoods (in their own private apartments). I don't see what's so idiotic about asking about such places when they actually exist. I also think it's funny how highbrow the attitude has become on this thread. God forbid any bad fortune hit your life. Sometimes people get put in dire straits through no fault of their own. They try to make a better life the best way they know how and are met with nothing but criticism. She is not a government leech looking to drain the system, all she is looking for is short-term assistance and a fair shot.
Curious what those neighborhoods are? And if they are people who recently found an apt not 10 years ago and have a old RS place.
I guess I, too, don't understand why you'd relocate to a city where the COL is very expensive and the job prospects aren't quite as golden. It'd be better to maybe relocate to somewhere else in the South for a time and get yourself a bit more established in your field. I must admit that I was born in NYC, so I will never understand that deep-most desire to relocate at all costs. Glad you're doing ok now, and good luck.
I guess I, too, don't understand why you'd relocate to a city where the COL is very expensive and the job prospects aren't quite as golden. It'd be better to maybe relocate to somewhere else in the South for a time and get yourself a bit more established in your field. I must admit that I was born in NYC, so I will never understand that deep-most desire to relocate at all costs. Glad you're doing ok now, and good luck.
The cost of living is lower in the South because wages are lower. Don't get me wrong, moving to NYC would suck if you can't get a job. But moving to a town in the South would also SUCK if you can't get a job. Things such as cars, gasoline, insurance costs, food are not cheaper in the South. To tell you the truth, housing is not cheaper in the South, either. What people try to is compare Manhattan to rural Georga. But what about upstate New York, PA, or far out NJ or New England. Housing in any rural area is going to be cheaper than the most popular big cities. But there's other issues as well.
Whatever the OP does, she is using her personal resources and networks to establish whatever she needs done. In the end, that's what we have to do get AHEAD anywhere in the country. Its not really so different.
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