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I feel extremely blessed to live in such a diverse and vibrant city. It is certainly true that if one can make it here, they can make it anywhere! My only problem is my dating life. I don't have outlandish requirements, I am simply looking for a guy with the same shared values, education and economic background as myself. In my humble opinion, relationships tend to work when people have more things in common. For this reason, I prefer men who are college educated, financially stable and very family oriented. I want a guy who strongly values his family and God. Also, since I don't have any children, I do not want him to have any either, until after we get married and have a few together.
Why do some believe that I'm asking for too much? Again, I am not asking for anything that I don't have. I will add that I'm attractive and very healthy. It just seems like NYC is not a good place for a young professional, family-oriented heterosexual African American woman, if she is searching for a young professional, heterosexual family oriented man.
I am wondering if I will ever find my soul mate in NYC, before turning 30?
Let me start off by saying is that don't be scared because you are having getting worried 30 syndrome! You would be surprised at how many people in New York City from locals to Transplants such as yourself who are not in any relationships and have not started family. I think the main reason you have trouble like many out Transplants is your requirements, a man has to be educated, stable economic background, good finances and has to be religious. Not every guy is going to have what you require especially here in NYC, even most career driven men are still looking for good jobs or trying to pay off their college debt before they make a big leap into returning to the suburbs to start a family. Also NYC is a very cut throat city, very competitive in the fields of landing a job and looking for a relationship. The best men who are etiehr good looking or have money are already gobbled up by women. Leaves players, nice guys, jerks, pua, creeps, geeks, nerds and excons for women like yourself to filter through. Also like many educated black women/careerist/transplant/liberal types even though you are conservative, you should be open to dating outside of your race, but finding a man that is religious is hard to do especially in the highly liberal educated transplant social scene. Also last don't say soul mate. TO many people use the term soul mate, or second half or my better half. So many people use the term soul mate and still get burned or hurt. But anyway good luck, try to do some volunteering you might find a decent man there!
It seems like most of my white female friends do not have this problem. They are either in serious relationships or in marriages with guys from similar socioeconomic backgrounds.
Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of guys out there who are interested in sex, partying and casual relationships, but for the mature, educated and professional black woman, very few, mature, educated and professional m en in NYC who are interested in marriage and commitment.
I'm in the process of trying to get a job transfer from NYC to London. I may have better luck finding a good match there. I'll keep my fingers crossed. BTW, I'm 28, not 22.
Do your other black female friends have the same problem as you do?
Btw, if you are planning a move to London, it might not be the best time to look for a serious relationship in NY anyway, unless you would stay and give up the job transfer if you were to start dating someone?
Also, have you tried alumni groups from your school? Or if your school is small/far away, perhaps you could start a group for alumni for a group of schools that are related somehow.
OP you're still young. But on the other hand if you are facing problems in finding companion/soul mate at the tender age of 28 the reality is that it will only get harder as time passes. Time is extremely harsh on women.
Do your other black female friends have the same problem as you do?
Btw, if you are planning a move to London, it might not be the best time to look for a serious relationship in NY anyway, unless you would stay and give up the job transfer if you were to start dating someone?
Also, have you tried alumni groups from your school? Or if your school is small/far away, perhaps you could start a group for alumni for a group of schools that are related somehow.
Unfortunately, a number of my black female friends who are also doing well, have similar problems finding equally suited black guys in NYC, but a few of them have begun dating men from different racial backgrounds.
I really enjoy living in NYC, but I have spent time in London and I wouldn't mind returning on an indefinite basis. London is very cosmopolitan. I'm definitely keeping my fingers crossed and praying for that transfer.
OP you're still young. But on the other hand if you are facing problems in finding companion/soul mate at the tender age of 28 the reality is that it will only get harder as time passes. Time is extremely harsh on women.
Time can be harsh on women, but dark women on average tend to age very slowly. When my mom visits me, she loves it when people ask if she's my older sister. At first I was a bit annoyed, but now I'm happy because that means more than likely, I'll also look very young when I'm older and that's a great thing.
I am constantly told that I look so much younger than my age and I'm always carded whenever I go out. Even after I show my ID, I'm still questioned to make certain that I'm legal.
Let me start off by saying is that don't be scared because you are having getting worried 30 syndrome! You would be surprised at how many people in New York City from locals to Transplants such as yourself who are not in any relationships and have not started family. I think the main reason you have trouble like many out Transplants is your requirements, a man has to be educated, stable economic background, good finances and has to be religious. Not every guy is going to have what you require especially here in NYC, even most career driven men are still looking for good jobs or trying to pay off their college debt before they make a big leap into returning to the suburbs to start a family. Also NYC is a very cut throat city, very competitive in the fields of landing a job and looking for a relationship. The best men who are etiehr good looking or have money are already gobbled up by women. Leaves players, nice guys, jerks, pua, creeps, geeks, nerds and excons for women like yourself to filter through. Also like many educated black women/careerist/transplant/liberal types even though you are conservative, you should be open to dating outside of your race, but finding a man that is religious is hard to do especially in the highly liberal educated transplant social scene. Also last don't say soul mate. TO many people use the term soul mate, or second half or my better half. So many people use the term soul mate and still get burned or hurt. But anyway good luck, try to do some volunteering you might find a decent man there!
I would prefer to be married before turning 30. I can't explain why 30 is the magic number for me, I just know that I want to be settled by then.
I don't believe my requirements are substantial because I am not seeking anything in a mate that I do not possess. It's definitely not too much to ask [especially in NYC] for a guy to be family oriented, college educated and middle class/financially stable. People come to NYC to launch their professional careers, so there are definitely many guys here who are doing well. The problem is finding one who wants to settle down, get married and be committed.
At one time in my life, I did think it was a little strange to date interracially, but I definitely have no issues with it now.
Time can be harsh on women, but dark women on average tend to age very slowly. When my mom visits me, she loves it when people ask if she's my older sister. At first I was a bit annoyed, but now I'm happy because that means more than likely, I'll also look very young when I'm older and that's a great thing.
I am constantly told that I look so much younger than my age and I'm always carded whenever I go out. Even after I show my ID, I'm still questioned to make certain that I'm legal.
Well, if you're going all the way to London you should know that Mick Jagger sings "Time is on my Side" and for some it is.
On a sidenote: The concept of classic family is not widely recognized in NYC.
Last edited by Northwindsforever; 10-14-2013 at 12:03 AM..
It is amongst the wealthy and middle class, but marriage before children and two parent homes are not common with indigent populations throughout NYC.
But there are also a lot of non-indigent women who especially move to NYC because they may have issues with giving birth and motherhood in general. They might say that they want to focus on their career and develop their personal skills but it makes me wonder if that really is the only reason.
Last edited by Northwindsforever; 10-14-2013 at 12:53 AM..
But there are also a lot of non-indigent women who especially move to NYC because they may have issues with giving birth and motherhood in general. They might say that they want to focus on their career and develop their personal skills but it makes me wonder if that really is the only reason.
I would like to add that many transplants are social outcasts from their own community after graduating college. Most do not want to return back to suburbia or to sticks were norms such as getting married and having 3 kids by 25 is ok. NYC draws plenty of women crom all over America who want to escape social norms of conservative society, focus on their careers and have endless one night stands just like in college.. The op should check out the south for s suitable mate or if not date older more established men. As for NYC 2 parent houshold is not normal, a usual household is headed by a mom with two kids with different last names.
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Not every guy is going to have what you require especially here in NYC, even most career driven men are still looking for good jobs or trying to pay off their college debt before they make a big leap into returning to the suburbs to start a family. Also NYC is a very cut throat city, very competitive in the fields of landing a job and looking for a relationship. The best men who are etiehr good looking or have money are already gobbled up by women. Leaves players, nice guys, jerks, pua, creeps, geeks, nerds and excons for women like yourself to filter through. Also like many educated black women/careerist/transplant/liberal types even though you are conservative, you should be open to dating outside of your race, but finding a man that is religious is hard to do especially in the highly liberal educated transplant social scene. Also last don't say soul mate. TO many people use the term soul mate, or second half or my better half
. So many people use the term soul mate and still get burned or hurt. But anyway good luck, try to do some volunteering you might find a decent man there!
