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Old 05-24-2015, 01:39 PM
 
Location: New York
740 posts, read 877,510 times
Reputation: 311

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It seems impossible to find a nice girl in this city. I'm 3 months removed from a 4 year relationship, and i'm starting to realize that I may never find someone nice again. Seems like you have to be 6'5 with a ripped body and $1 million dollar to find someone even worth your time.

I know my attitude is very cynical, but I'm not the only one who feels this way. Many guys have a hard time finding love in this city, it sucks. I'm not a 'play the field' kind of guy, something has to be meaningful for it to escalate.
Anyone have any suggestion on where to meet nice people?

P.S. don't suggest online dating.
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Old 05-24-2015, 02:22 PM
 
6,804 posts, read 4,420,910 times
Reputation: 7590
try meet-up. Dating is a numbers game. You have to put yourself in situation where you will meet ladies your age who share your interests, lifestyle, etc. Also, remember that happiness should come from within NOT an external source. If you feel that you need a girlfriend to be happy/ be complete, etc then something is wrong with you. And you need to fix that before you get involve in a relationship.
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Old 05-24-2015, 02:42 PM
 
Location: New York
740 posts, read 877,510 times
Reputation: 311
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Ryu View Post
try meet-up. Dating is a numbers game. You have to put yourself in situation where you will meet ladies your age who share your interests, lifestyle, etc. Also, remember that happiness should come from within NOT an external source. If you feel that you need a girlfriend to be happy/ be complete, etc then something is wrong with you. And you need to fix that before you get involve in a relationship.
It just seems like people in this city are against my morals and values. Everyone my age wants to hook up and just date short term. I'm a serious kind of guy I don't do short term dating. And being 25 years old and single kind of scares me a little. Eventually I want a wife, kids, and to be able to make my mother a grandmother. I just gradated with my bachelors in business, but once I get job I'm going to be immersed in my work. The future just seems a little frighting to me that's all.
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Old 05-24-2015, 03:05 PM
 
5,674 posts, read 5,151,203 times
Reputation: 3818
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathanp219 View Post
It just seems like people in this city are against my morals and values. Everyone my age wants to hook up and just date short term. I'm a serious kind of guy I don't do short term dating. And being 25 years old and single kind of scares me a little. Eventually I want a wife, kids, and to be able to make my mother a grandmother. I just gradated with my bachelors in business, but once I get job I'm going to be immersed in my work. The future just seems a little frighting to me that's all.
That's the issue right there. Your only 25 and are looking for a serious girlfriend and talking about being married and having children. NY-ers are more career minded and deal with that relationship/family issues later on in life. I don't know where your originally from but finding a girl who's 25 to settle down may be difficult here. I'd run if I was your age and someone said that.
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Old 05-24-2015, 03:12 PM
 
Location: New York
740 posts, read 877,510 times
Reputation: 311
Quote:
Originally Posted by livingsinglenyc View Post
That's the issue right there. Your only 25 and are looking for a serious girlfriend and talking about being married and having children. NY-ers are more career minded and deal with that relationship/family issues later on in life. I don't know where your originally from but finding a girl who's 25 to settle down may be difficult here. I'd run if I was your age and someone said that.
I was born and raised in NYC...
And you would run? I guess that's all I'm ever going to find here, whores and man-whores.
And what's later on in life? When their biological clock runs out? The values in this city are appalling.
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Old 05-24-2015, 03:31 PM
 
6,804 posts, read 4,420,910 times
Reputation: 7590
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathanp219 View Post
It just seems like people in this city are against my morals and values. Everyone my age wants to hook up and just date short term. I'm a serious kind of guy I don't do short term dating. And being 25 years old and single kind of scares me a little. Eventually I want a wife, kids, and to be able to make my mother a grandmother. I just gradated with my bachelors in business, but once I get job I'm going to be immersed in my work. The future just seems a little frighting to me that's all.
Everyone your age?? (you met them all).

Again, where are you meeting these girls? If you want a serious relationship then you should consider trying to meet people in situations that matches your personality. (meetup is a good start).
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Old 05-24-2015, 04:03 PM
 
Location: New York
740 posts, read 877,510 times
Reputation: 311
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Ryu View Post
Everyone your age?? (you met them all).

Again, where are you meeting these girls? If you want a serious relationship then you should consider trying to meet people in situations that matches your personality. (meetup is a good start).
In the city, at bars and restaurants. I haven't used meetups for dating yet I guess I could give it a try. Although I did hear that Meetups aren't good for finding dates (I read that somewhere). I forgot the source, they even had statistic data on it.
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Old 05-24-2015, 04:17 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
624 posts, read 701,464 times
Reputation: 439
Why such a rush to get a family? I have kids and let me tell you its no picnic and once you do it you never go back to your old free lifestyle.

If you're putting out this vibe of seriousness and commitment on the first few dates to a girl who barely even knows you then it doesn't surprise me they are getting scared off.

You don't need to be super good looking and super rich. I met my wife in NYC before I even moved here and I made less than 100K at the time.

Generally, women in their 20's are more interested in having fun and novel experiences. Especially in a place like NYC where people come from all over to find new opportunities and discover culture, life, and career. Its the 30's when the biological clock starts putting on the pressure. Once a woman gets into her 30's if shes not already married its likely she will start thinking about kids and family and she will be looking at the men she dates as a potential provider and long term partner.

This is why men who want to have the playboy lifestyle want younger girls in their 20's, not just because of their youth and beauty but also because they are more open to fun and adventure and less about commitment. Dating women in their 30's can be tricky because you have to determine whether they like you for you or if they are tired of dating and just see you as "good enough" to be the wallet and sperm donor. The latter is a recipe for cuckoldry and divorce.

When people complain that they can never find someone good it usually means 2 things:
1) You need to work on yourself to be good enough to attract a quality partner.
2) You need to start looking in different places which have the kind of people you are looking for.

Consider different hobbies which may have people with the same values as you. I recommend dancing as that is what worked for me. If you want a family oriented girl your age, maybe try church groups? Consider also different cultures in NYC, some cultures have a lot of kids early (example: hispanic) while others delay as long as possible and have fewer (example: american girls). In my opinion, women who are first generation immigrants not yet infected too much by American feminist culture make the best candidates for a wife if you want to have a family.

Last edited by fmatthew5876; 05-24-2015 at 04:26 PM..
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Old 05-24-2015, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Bronx
14,773 posts, read 17,397,072 times
Reputation: 7506
Quote:
Originally Posted by livingsinglenyc View Post
That's the issue right there. Your only 25 and are looking for a serious girlfriend and talking about being married and having children. NY-ers are more career minded and deal with that relationship/family issues later on in life. I don't know where your originally from but finding a girl who's 25 to settle down may be difficult here. I'd run if I was your age and someone said that.

Being a native New Yorker, it is very rare to find locals or native be career minded and focus vs the transplants who sky dive into NYC out of nowhere. Native New Yorkers to a certain degree are not career focus unless if they are highly educated. There are plenty of native New Yorkers who are the op age and in a serious relationship compared to transplants who are more likely to be single and remain focused on career choices or education. Native New Yorker dating is very different than not from NYC careerist transplant dating. Overall I agree with your first 2 sentences. The op should try to take things slow and focus on other things.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathanp219 View Post
I was born and raised in NYC...
And you would run? I guess that's all I'm ever going to find here, whores and man-whores.
And what's later on in life? When their biological clock runs out? The values in this city are appalling.
I have been saying the same. By time they want or find a decent guy, to a certain degree its already late for them. I have seen this time and time again within my family or peers that I know who's female members go through the same problem. They go for the wrong guys all the time. But with the local women you don't have to worry about biological clocks, a good chance they have kids and can still be pumping out kids well into their 40s. Transient careerist women on the other hand in this city have to worry about biological clocks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathanp219 View Post
It seems impossible to find a nice girl in this city. I'm 3 months removed from a 4 year relationship, and i'm starting to realize that I may never find someone nice again. Seems like you have to be 6'5 with a ripped body and $1 million dollar to find someone even worth your time.

I know my attitude is very cynical, but I'm not the only one who feels this way. Many guys have a hard time finding love in this city, it sucks. I'm not a 'play the field' kind of guy, something has to be meaningful for it to escalate.
Anyone have any suggestion on where to meet nice people?

P.S. don't suggest online dating.
First thing first. You just exited out of a relationship. Take it easy. Take the time to breath, relax and enjoy the air of being single for the moment, hang out with the fellas and family. Hey maybe try new things and see what is out there. Women in NYC is a thing that comes and goes just like the wind. First of all it seems that you are going for women who are from here. From my experience these women have no shortage of men even if they are fat, or have 5 kids from 3 different men, or even missing an arm or leg. It amazes me how women here can easily get a man, but at the same time I laugh at reports that say NYC has more single women than single men which is totally false. Also women from here go for relationships that are instantaneous and rewards gratification vs getting to know someone better. Their would probably be a good chance that a woman here may not like you for whatever reason but may only like you because you are good looking. A good woman in this city is just is hard as finding a good decent man, but a guy has options here, where women have choices, but those are choices are limited. Also women here like or love men who are desirable. If your not desirable its going to be real hard. My best bet is for you to focus on yourself and who you are at the moment. If you are looking for a woman I'd say try Times Square church, I passed around their the other day and so much women were leaving alone, or maybe try moving out of NYC, all my native friends who moved out are in relationships or married in other states with women from those areas. Don't rush anything, the worst thing to be here in this city is getting taken to the cleaners while young, divorced or paying lots of child support which is a cultural norm here and thankfully I'm happy that I'm not there as of yet.

Last edited by Bronxguyanese; 05-24-2015 at 04:42 PM..
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Old 05-24-2015, 04:59 PM
 
8,218 posts, read 8,495,554 times
Reputation: 10182
First of all, I'm guessing you're wrong. Probably less emphasis on bodies here. I'm guessing that if you're smart, funny, charming, attentive, and maybe have an interesting job or avocation, you'd do fine. On the other hand, if you're just coming out of a four-year relationship, most experts agree that you need a little cooling off time of a couple more months.

Why don't you start by giving a couple of parties for your existing friends, invite some new people, and encourage them to bring some new people?
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