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Always trust your gut. I think there were several important elements in what you did that helped keep you safe:
a. You weren't texting as you went into the subway. You were alert, aware of who was/wasn't around you.
b. You analyzed how he was standing, and that it didn't look like he was just waiting for the train.
c. You thought through how you'd handle the interaction (keep walking, pretend not to speak English), BEFORE he spoke to you, so that you were already planning your next move.
d. You kept moving past him, so that he would have had to really go out of his way to stop your forward movement.
e. You weren't flashing your phone before the interaction, and didn't pull it out to respond to his request.
Looks like some solid street smarts to me.
For years I've had jobs that involved travel in and through some of the worst neighborhoods in NYC. One of the things a career criminal told me about how to keep myself safe when I have to be in a neighborhood where I don't "blend" is to intentionally MAKE eye contact, in a friendly way. White middle class women intentionally look away or try to avoid eye contact with people who look like potential muggers or drug dealers. He said I should let the suspicious character hovering on the edge of the alley see that you saw them -- I'll nod and sometimes say something like "nice day." He said that tells the guy who is looking for the easy mark know a) you're aware of your surroundings; b) you got a good look at them and could potentially identify them again if you had to; c) you're confident, and not likely to just crumple and fall to the ground in a heap if he grabs your purse and runs.
If I've got a ways to go and there are bad characters following me, I'll look for an older woman or a mother with children who is walking in the same direction I am and start a conversation. She can sometimes serve as my unofficial "bodyguard." Because she may have family members who would be fine with me being mugged, but who would take exception to their aunt, sister or grandmother being shoved or hurt in the process.
I always want to be with other people -- if I'm going down the stairs, alone and see someone hovering at the bottom, I might just turn around and go back out. People are safety. The more eyes, the more protection I feel.
Another tip is to avoid showing valuables (you did this -- which was very smart). Try to avoid buying things in bad neighborhoods. If you do have to pull out money, have a small wad of a few dollars that you use for coffee, the paper, that sort of purchase in a pocket, separate from your wallet, phone, other valuables. So that if someone grabs it and runs, they got $3, not your wallet and credit cards.
While we're all learning this as we go, I'd say you're doing a lot of things right.
Last edited by Inquring81; 11-07-2015 at 10:00 PM..
I always want to be with other people -- if I'm going down the stairs, alone and see someone hovering at the bottom, I might just turn around and go back out. People are safety. The more eyes, the more protection I feel.
That's a good idea. Even though I was on high alert with him looking suspicious, it still did not occur to me to turn around and walk back up the stairs. Not sure why. Maybe if the area had been deserted or if it had been after dark, I would have thought of that. Next time I will try to remember all my options.
I've been asked for the time before, and I have either responded with an approximate time, like, "It's about 4 pm" (without checking my phone, of course) or just said I don't know. I guess I find it hard to believe that people are still legitimately asking for the time when almost everyone carries cell phones, and if they don't own one, they should have a watch.
This was the only case where after being asked the time, I deliberately ignored the guy and acted like I didn't know English.
Does anyone else here get asked for the time in NYC?
First of all, you can be attacked in broad daylight. The one time (so far) that I was mugged by a guy with a knife was at 2 PM on beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon in Morningside Park on the Upper West Side. Granted, that was over 20 years ago, and parks are safer now (so they tell me). I haven't been in a New York City park by myself since. I'll go into a park if there are a lot of people around, but not if I'm alone. You can be attacked or robbed in the subway, in the daytime. Happens to a lot of people.
Being asked for the time -- sounds to me like you're feeling guilty that the guy might have legitemately wanted to know the time, and you were rude. Let it go, it's more important that you didn't feel safe in the situation, and took steps to protect yourself.
When I first moved to New York, I regularly went through Grand Central Station to and from work. One evening in the height of rush hour, there was a guy in a suit who was trying to get enough money to get home to Poughkeepsie (or so he said). He said he'd been mugged and the guys got his wallet, he just needed to raise another $5 and he'd have the fare home. I was torn -- I couldn't decide if I was being played or not. I'm standing there, knowing that if I just walk away, this is going to bug me for the rest of the evening, whether I turned my back on someone who legitimately needed help. So I asked him if he'd lived a long time in Poughkeepsie? "Born and raised." So I said "Ok, I'll give you the $5 if you can spell 'Poughkeepsie'." He looked me dead in the eye for a few seconds, then said "Oh maaaaaaaan" and walked away.
So don't feel badly about the guy needing to know the time. If he really needed to know it badly enough, he could ask someone else, or climb the stairs to the Essex market and there's a ton of people to ask.
If you're ever really stuck for this, and don't want to pull out your phone for the time, the token booth card readers all have the time in the lower corner. So you can direct someone there for the time as well.
First of all, you can be attacked in broad daylight. The one time (so far) that I was mugged by a guy with a knife was at 2 PM on beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon in Morningside Park on the Upper West Side. Granted, that was over 20 years ago, and parks are safer now (so they tell me). I haven't been in a New York City park by myself since. I'll go into a park if there are a lot of people around, but not if I'm alone. You can be attacked or robbed in the subway, in the daytime. Happens to a lot of people.
The likelihood of being attacked in broad daylight in NYC nowadays is unlikely in general as the city is very different than 20 years ago.
The likelihood of being attacked in broad daylight in NYC nowadays is unlikely in general as the city is very different than 20 years ago.
I'll agree with you that much of Manhattan is safer than it was 20 years ago. But there are still parts of New York City (which is a five borough area with a lot of varied neighborhoods) where you can be attacked in broad daylight if you appear to have a lot of cash, an expensive phone or good jewelry. If you're a woman, clearly look lost or drunk and have difficulty walking or getting down stairs, your chances are better of having someone take a shot at getting your valuables from you. In the middle of the day, or the late afternoon when those who have a job are off the street, if you're the only one visible, you're more likely to be vulnerable.
I travel the worst parts of New York on a regular basis for work. I'm careful and I never flash anything that looks like it would be worth hitting me in the head to get. Neighborhoods I'm wary about include East New York, Brownsville and Ocean Hill, Brooklyn. Lexington Avenue between 125th and 123rd, where the synthetic marijuana market and the Pathmark recycling machines are doesn't feel safe to me. If I notice what looks like open drug dealing on the street anywhere, I'm going to be extra vigilant. In the Bronx, I avoid most side streets off Westchester Avenue near Prospect, Simpson and Intervale Avenue subway stops. I also avoid the side streets off the Grand Concourse in the 160s and 170s. In those neighborhoods the underground stations on the Grand Concourse are huge, empty and sometimes poorly lit. Now that they've removed a lot of token booths, you don't even have that option for an oasis with a pair of eyes, where you can safely wait. Being underground in a cavernous subway station in the middle of the day with no one else around will cause me to be more watchful.
To all the WOMEN of the world: It is truly truly truly best for you to not go through the world wearing HIGH HEELS of any type. Beyond doing damage to your feet/legs and posture over the course of time (even in the short term, not just the intermediate or long term), you put yourself at a great disadvantage in terms of personal safety and then also of convenience. Do you really think you are going to be able to trot, move fast, or even run in high heels (whether trying to get away from someone or whether trying to run to catch a train or bus before it leaves and so on)? And if one or both of yhour high heels breaks, what are you going to do being utterly barefoot out there in the world? Why put yourself at such a safety, health, and practical disadvantage? Do you really think you'd have no visual appeal unless you wear high heels? Trust me (speaking as a male): If you have any element of visual or sensual appeal to you at all, it will be evident to any observer with or without your wearing high heels.
I love high heels but I always put a pair of flats in my purse, just in case...
A few weeks ago I was entering the subway street entrance at the southwest corner of Essex and Delancey Street. It was still daylight. There were a few people around but it was not crowded. As I was descending the stairs (with no one else around me as far as I could tell), I noticed a kid, maybe 17 years old waiting at the bottom of the stairs. But not waiting like waiting for a train to come; he seemed a bit more agitated than that, and I had the sense he was going to speak to me.
I already had decided not to look at him, just pass him as if I didn't see him. As I was passing him he called out to me "Do you have the time" and I walked past ignoring him, as if I didn't understand English.
Anyway, I know I did the right thing, because it didn't get me into any trouble. Do people really hang around the bottom of staircases legitimately waiting to ask someone the time? I guess there is a small possibility he really needed to know the time. Or maybe he was hoping I would pull out a phone to check the time, and then he could grab it and run off with it up the stairs and on to the street?
Help me out, I'm a transplant, and I haven't yet hit the 15 year mark of living in NYC so obviously I'm still working on my street smarts, since what I've learned from this thread is that if you move here after the age of newborn baby, you will be struggling to learn street smarts the rest of your life.
You're the only one that can judge your comfort level. If you felt uncomfortable then it makes no difference why he was standing there IMO.
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"The man who sleeps on the floor, can never fall out of bed." -Martin Lawrence
You're the only one that can judge your comfort level. If you felt uncomfortable then it makes no difference why he was standing there IMO.
I was just curious if other people are getting asked for the time, or if this is a totally obsolete thing to ask. If no one else is getting asked, I think it must mean these people are up to no good and they see me as a possibly easy target.
If others are being asked, then maybe I'm wrong and there actually are people who don't have access to a cell phone and too lazy to wear a watch.
I was just curious if other people are getting asked for the time, or if this is a totally obsolete thing to ask. If no one else is getting asked, I think it must mean these people are up to no good and they see me as a possibly easy target.
If others are being asked, then maybe I'm wrong and there actually are people who don't have access to a cell phone and too lazy to wear a watch.
People still ask others for the time. I get asked for the time. But I don't feel anything extra behind it. I just give them the time and that's the end of it. It never goes anything past that. But this is just my personal experience.
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"The man who sleeps on the floor, can never fall out of bed." -Martin Lawrence
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