What is right? What should I do?

[rlrl]

i always thought I have aspergers and my dad does too---this family dynamic sounds awfully familiar to me!!

[whiskeyecho]

Originally Posted by brassbin

Is it possible the OP isn't moving to PA because of the so called "2nd amendment" reason, but really a cry for help because he himself is socially awkward and feel frustrated living on SI...?

That crossed my mind too, quite a while after I'd posted my little rant..

If that's the case, it will be promptly deleted.

[NYLifes2shrt]

Originally Posted by whiskeyecho

That crossed my mind too, quite a while after I'd posted my little rant..

If that's the case, it will be promptly deleted.

That's why he should see a therapist to help himself.

[Frankieboy]

I've read all and you all answered pretty much as I would have if I read a post like the one I wrote. Good points you all made. I'll put my ego aside, and be sensible about this. Perhaps I'm getting my priorities a bit mixed up. Thank You all, I'll take it into serious consideration. (Also, my original post clearly gave an inaccurate impression of my true nature. My mistake.).

[Irish Eyes]

Most responses have vilified you for thinking of taking your son out of the school where he has friends. Since you didn't mention the quality of the education he is receiving I don't understand how they can be so sure that this is the best place for him. So, how is the school itself? His education should certainly come before his popularity. There have been many articles on autism lately and a lot of people seem to move TO NY to find the best kind of school for their affected children. There's nothing wrong with your desire to move to PA (we spend a lot of time there and refer to it as "going to America") but your first step would really be to find a school that can deal specifically with your son's needs. I'm sure there are online forums for parents of children with Aspergers. I think it would help you to find one and they can give you their experiences with moving their children. It's got to be tough having to come back here after living in PA - I hope you find a situation that works for everyone.

PS - you can apply for a handgun permit in NYC. Just get an application from 1PP. It might be an easier process to get one in PA but I don't think it's that easy to get one to carry.

[Carbro]

Interesting Irish, but do you think a kid who is suffering emotionally will be able to absorb the benefits of a "better" school more than a kid who feels more comfortable in a merely adequate school? Healthy social development is as important as, probably more important than, intellectual development for a person to make their way and succeed as an adult. I'm sure you can think of some examples from your own life, but the first person who springs to my mind is George W. Bush.

[Frankieboy]

Thanks Irish Eyes. The school here on Staten Island is smaller than a usual public school. It's staff suppossedly understands things like Aspergers...My son makes the Honor roll no matter which school he goes to. Scholastically, he's doing well. Alhough hes beginning to weaken in Math. He says he has a friend or two, but his interpretation of a friend isn't sound. BUt if he feels he has one, that in itself is good for him I suppose.
He still occassionally says kids try to intimidate him sometimes, and treat him less than kind. BUt he's also extra sensitive, and can make a normal tease into a bullying situation in his own eyes. So, the bottom line is, I don't see much difference in this "special" school compared to the PA school he was in except the teachers understanding of his condition, and that they don't tolerate bullying as much as the PA school did. They seem to be more on "top of it" with the bullying stuff. Being his father and knowing him well, I must say he needs to "thicken his skin" some. He doesn't get beat up or physically pushed around or you better believe I'd be at that school in a heartbeat. I monitor his moods to myself each day and watch for changes in his personality and habits. I will not let him get to the point that he feels he has no way out other than suicide like some kids sadly get to. He's far from that, and I'm extremely aware of the warning signs. I have to be. I try to build his self esteem as much as possible when ever I can too. ******So,... PA school vs Staten Island school?-----Still not certain.......

[dare5555]

it could make his problems worse as there are lot less people in PA , mentally challenged should stay around populated areas

[DITC]

Frank, your situation seems to be a classic case of "the grass is greener on the other side". Realize things from the other side...rural school kids tend to view things such as disabilities, sexuality, etc as "different" from the norm, as they are not exposed to this stuff as much as city kids are. So it is a possibility he could get picked on even more out in PA. There are probably less kids out there who have similar situations, so it may be even more difficult to find a friend. On top of that your kid is from Staten Island and there is often a strong dislike for New Yorkers outside of the NY metro area.

[NYLifes2shrt]

Originally Posted by Frankieboy

Thanks Irish Eyes. The school here on Staten Island is smaller than a usual public school. It's staff suppossedly understands things like Aspergers...My son makes the Honor roll no matter which school he goes to. Scholastically, he's doing well. Alhough hes beginning to weaken in Math. He says he has a friend or two, but his interpretation of a friend isn't sound. BUt if he feels he has one, that in itself is good for him I suppose.
He still occassionally says kids try to intimidate him sometimes, and treat him less than kind. BUt he's also extra sensitive, and can make a normal tease into a bullying situation in his own eyes. So, the bottom line is, I don't see much difference in this "special" school compared to the PA school he was in except the teachers understanding of his condition, and that they don't tolerate bullying as much as the PA school did. They seem to be more on "top of it" with the bullying stuff. Being his father and knowing him well, I must say he needs to "thicken his skin" some. He doesn't get beat up or physically pushed around or you better believe I'd be at that school in a heartbeat. I monitor his moods to myself each day and watch for changes in his personality and habits. I will not let him get to the point that he feels he has no way out other than suicide like some kids sadly get to. He's far from that, and I'm extremely aware of the warning signs. I have to be. I try to build his self esteem as much as possible when ever I can too. ******So,... PA school vs Staten Island school?-----Still not certain.......

To toughen his skin, if he is that sensitive then you should keep him in SI. He also expressed he wants to stay on SI. I know that to this day my son is in college and will not leave his friends. They are still more important to him at this stage in his life. I think that you are thinking too hard. If he is doing okay on SI...if it's not broken...leave things alone.

My sons friend just died last night of drug overdose at the age of 18. His dad was a loving parent and loved his children (in the neighborhood he was called Mr. Mom), but he made some serious bad decisions like moving, getting married to the wrong women. We knew this sweet child since he was 5 yrs old. I think that at the teenage yrs, where they are the most very volatile, sensitive...stability, support is very important. I spoke to this child 2 years ago where he considered me a second mom said that home life was hard....he made bad choices that he ended up paying with his life...support your son. Teenage yrs is so short compared to the rest of your / his life. Give him these few years so that he has the best chances for the rest.
He will get a chance to thicken his skin as an adult. I hope you make a good decision.