Help me find a neighborhood!!! (Ridge: home, university, income)

[cazattack]

haha i mean if i live by myself as in, if HE doesnt want to come to ny with me. that'd be him breaking up with me. lol. I'm thrilled that he's even considering going to NY when its really not his thing.

Though when i just told him the issues with owning a car in NY he said the car is not negotiable, he'd spend more on the damn car than rent food and bills. lucky me.

[Moderate Guy]

Do you want the car or me, honey? People make love IN cars not TO cars.

Just kidding..okay, so he keeps the car, you guys take the boroughs, larger apartment, check out Long Beach, Jones Beach from your place in Queens or Brooklyn, you become a great fashion model, he keeps you and his damn car, and you all live happily ever after.

Goodnight.

[UpstaterInBklyn]

I'm generally not inclined to give relationship advice to strangers on message boards, but there are a lot of red flags here.

Since you freely admit that NYC is "Not his thing" and you are willing to move without him, there seems to be no commitment from either of you to make the sacrifices necessary to start your lives together.

And trust me -- if you move here, there WILL be sacrifices that will test your relationship. To a newcomer paying market rent $85K is basically lower middle class. As TCR said, you'll only be able to afford non-yuppie, unglamorous areas of the boroughs or NJ. Car insurance costs over $2000/yr for a young person, much more if there are some tickets.

This $85K income seems purely theoretical. It seems like neither of you have any specific jobs lined up. Are you sure you are going to be able to get the salaries you are looking for - quickly ? The job market here is not so great right now, especially in anything remotely related to finance.

You are putting yourself in great risk by coming here and relying in his (theoretical) income. What happens on the day that he's decided he's tired of NYC and leaves (because it was "not really his thing"). If you have a lease, tuition and other financial obligations, what will you do?

If this absolutely is going to happen - and the beach and car are priorities, think about the suburbs - Long Beach, Long Island comes to mind. Forget walking to get your coffee and expect a 90 minute commute. Oh, commuter rail monthly passes will cost $175 and up - for each of you.

There are areas of city, such as Sheepshead Bay in Brooklyn have access to beaches, but don't expect the glam lifestyle. I live in Gerritsen Beach in Brooklyn - a "beachy" area that is safe, affordable and relatively car-friendly, but it is a working-class family-oriented neighborhood. My commute to Manhattan is 75-90 minutes.

[bmwguydc]

I would not say that this should be a deal breaker and that you need to break up with him, by far, but remember that you're just starting out in NYC at $85k, and the realities are that there are trade-offs at that income level. If you budget it properly, you can make it work, though if he's making payments or leasing a car, that should be factored before you go apartment hunting as well. I noticed that you said that he was going to get a nice car, and if he has one picked out, then he should price it now, even if he's not buying it until he gets a new position.

Since you're working and going to school, it is likely that within a couple of years, you will soon be making more than $35k per year, and then you can certainly get a larger apartment with all the desires, but ,for now, you might need to narrow the search a bit to realistically expect a decent 1BR apartment, so that you have a cushion for regular living expenses. Then, when you're making more money and he's making more money, hopefully, or the expenses are easily met, you can upgrade to a larger apartment, but at least you would have had experience in the city before jumping in at the maximum rent that is possible with your income, since there are plans for a vehicle purchase. It can be done, so don't lose hope.

However, if you come alone, and do hopefully still have your relationship, I suggest trying to find a roommate through school or through your friends in the city, since it would really help at the $35k income. And, as another poster has said, the parking in San Francisco is an absolute nightmare, anywhere in the city, so the rent might be slightly cheaper, and the car insurance might be a little cheaper, but the parking, either garage or paying the fines, will cost more, so it basically evens out. And, if he went as a single with the same income, he'd be hurting without your contribution.

[AlexisT]

Um... just FYI, Long Beach is 55 minutes to Penn and you can walk to get your coffee...

(but it is a shlep, and not somewhere I'd pick on the basis of commute).

If your BF thinks Ozone Park is a ghetto, he'll hate the Rockaways.

[cazattack]

Originally Posted by UpstaterInBklyn

I'm generally not inclined to give relationship advice to strangers on message boards, but there are a lot of red flags here.

Since you freely admit that NYC is "Not his thing" and you are willing to move without him, there seems to be no commitment from either of you to make the sacrifices necessary to start your lives together.

And trust me -- if you move here, there WILL be sacrifices that will test your relationship. To a newcomer paying market rent $85K is basically lower middle class. As TCR said, you'll only be able to afford non-yuppie, unglamorous areas of the boroughs or NJ. Car insurance costs over $2000/yr for a young person, much more if there are some tickets.

This $85K income seems purely theoretical. It seems like neither of you have any specific jobs lined up. Are you sure you are going to be able to get the salaries you are looking for - quickly ? The job market here is not so great right now, especially in anything remotely related to finance.

You are putting yourself in great risk by coming here and relying in his (theoretical) income. What happens on the day that he's decided he's tired of NYC and leaves (because it was "not really his thing"). If you have a lease, tuition and other financial obligations, what will you do?

hmmm. I'm definitely willing to make sacrifices, and i'd really like to stay with him. But at the same time, i dont have a choice in what city im going to work in, i'm a fashion designer i have to be in ny, and i LOVE ny. it's perfect for me. He, as an architect can work in any major city area and make decent money, he also has his masters in acoustics so he can design theaters, concert halls, the big stuff, he's definitely qualified to get jobs making insane amounts of money, and NY is where he'd be most likely to succeed. The point is, my only option for my career is NY (bleh to LA, maybe i could do london, but also, bleh). So i'll be in NY regardless of who's going with me or what happens.

In the same way, he says the car is non negotiable, i'm sure he'll realize what a ****ing annoyance having a car is in NY, but trying to explain it to him gets me nowhere. he'll figure it out. I've decided that if hes going to not compromise on the car, or the neighborhood, and we end up in LI or westchester he will compromise on buying my train tickets or paying more rent.

all of these thing, non-glamourous neighborhood, non yuppy area and such, i dont care about. The lease will be his money in his name so if he bails on me, whatev i'll get a ****ty studio or find a noncreepy roomate. i'll survive. I think he'll see with doing more research he wont be getting all these things he wants, and if he doesnt want to go still, then its not meant to be. He's known since we met that i was going to NY when my lease was up, and im sticking to that.

I like a lot of the suggestions for neighborhoods you guys have given me, though if he's going to be uptight about his "needs" we'll be in westchester or LI and i'll have a giant commute. But its okay b/c i want to live with him.

[cazattack]

what about, on our budget, westchester or close LI, up to i think 1 1/2 hr commute to grand central at least. Id that do-able? he'd be able to have his car and such, probably his familiar suburban neighborhood, he'd feel like he wasnt in the city. I'd still be close enough to work my ass off and go to class in ny. we'd forfeit the beach, but we could take the train to a decent beach. any suggestions on good southern westchester areas for us?

[Moderate Guy]

though if he's going to be uptight about his "needs" we'll be in westchester or LI and i'll have a giant commute. But its okay b/c i want to live with him.
.................................................. .......................

So this must be the beautiful love I've heard about since I was a child. It must be wonderful to be a party to such deep emotion.

Caz, you're truly in love. If he feels the same way about you, God bless you both.

[bmwguydc]

For Westchester, your budget can be realistic, it just depends upon the town. You don't need excellent schools yet, so there are decent areas that will not be as expensive as better districts, though some towns do not have as much rental stock as others. On the river, look into Tarrytown, Sleepy Hollow, and Croton (a benefit being express trains). While not being exceptionally inexpensive, they do offer a little more than you would find in the city.

The Sound Shore towns are expensive, Mamaroneck, Pelham, Rye, Larchmont (village in Town of Mamaroneck), and might not offer too much in the way of a luxurious rental in your price range, same for White Plains, since the prime area is by the train downtown. You might also find something in the Bronxville area, either Yonkers or Eastchester, not in the village proper, though some are quite nice.

If you do not mind a longer commute, you could look across the river into Nyack, which is in Rockland County. The Rockland commute is not exactly the easiest, however, since 287 can have a good deal of traffic into Westchester, though in terms of transit options there are buses and trains that go to the city, though the train goes through neighboring Nanuet.

I would tend to stay away from most of Yonkers near the river, and would only look in areas with a Bronxville post office as they tend to be a bit nicer. New Rochelle is okay in parts, but as I said in an earlier post, the downtown can be problematic at night on occassion. You definitely do not want to be anywhere near Mount Vernon, especially since your boyfriend does not want to live in a run-down environment. Parts of Hartsdale are not bad, though the schools are not good, and it's close to White Plains, so the rentals might not be much of a bargain.

[cazattack]

you guys really are so helpful! thank you!!!!!