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Unread 08-15-2008, 10:47 AM
 
335 posts, read 662,104 times
Reputation: 98
I'm 25. but ever since I was 16/17 I wanted to have a child by 21. But at the time I thought I would be done with college and have a decent job and my husband will have a good job also. Well I still don't have any kids, I'm didn't even make it half way through college and I'm still not married and I have an okay job. And now that I just turned 25 and most of my friends have children I feel totally left out. not that I want children cuz i wanna be "in". I have no idea what I wanna be when I "grow up" but I do know that I want children, my own family to love and take care of. I know it's not that simple. And I made sure that I haven't gotten pregnant until I'm ready. But as much as people plan or don't plan you will never be ready. And I'm pretty sure people get ready when they find out that they are pregnant. And I'm speaking about people who want to have their babies. Anyways I think that raising a child(ren) is the most amazing and important thing you could do in life. I just don't want to be too tired, (for a lack of better word to come to mind) old, or busy with my career to give the proper care and attention to my child even if they are 16/21. Whatever thats just me and my opinion
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Unread 08-15-2008, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Queens
838 posts, read 160,450 times
Reputation: 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by mir_ny View Post
I'm 25. but ever since I was 16/17 I wanted to have a child by 21. But at the time I thought I would be done with college and have a decent job and my husband will have a good job also. Well I still don't have any kids, I'm didn't even make it half way through college and I'm still not married and I have an okay job. And now that I just turned 25 and most of my friends have children I feel totally left out. not that I want children cuz i wanna be "in". I have no idea what I wanna be when I "grow up" but I do know that I want children, my own family to love and take care of. I know it's not that simple. And I made sure that I haven't gotten pregnant until I'm ready. But as much as people plan or don't plan you will never be ready. And I'm pretty sure people get ready when they find out that they are pregnant. And I'm speaking about people who want to have their babies. Anyways I think that raising a child(ren) is the most amazing and important thing you could do in life. I just don't want to be too tired, (for a lack of better word to come to mind) old, or busy with my career to give the proper care and attention to my child even if they are 16/21. Whatever thats just me and my opinion
I can relate a lot..I just thought I would be done with college..married to Mr.Perfect..and stable all by 23 ..with lil babies. HAHA..Then I smelled a cup of REALITY! But hey, it's not so bad. I'm in the same shoes that you are. I have a great bf but I actually don't feell like rushing into marriage or motherhood....but at the same time I could NEVER see myself letting my uterus dry up at 35-40 (no offense to some of you gals that I really like on here..I'm just OVERLY paranoid).
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Unread 08-15-2008, 12:43 PM
 
7,081 posts, read 22,452,121 times
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Just to underscore the issue of pregnancy in those over 35:

Pregnancy After 35 - March of Dimes
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Unread 08-15-2008, 12:49 PM
 
Location: Queens
838 posts, read 160,450 times
Reputation: 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Viralmd View Post
Just to underscore the issue of pregnancy in those over 35:

Pregnancy After 35 - March of Dimes
This was VERY informational and interesting. Thank You!
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Unread 08-15-2008, 01:34 PM
 
335 posts, read 662,104 times
Reputation: 98
yeah I'm overly sensitive about this also. I think having kids/family is the only thing i ever really wanted out of life. I could see the world when I'm older and even better i could take my children on vacation with me. I'm done with the party scene. And like i said i don't know what i wanna be when i "grow up" but even so people change their careers all the time. education isn't going anywhere either. although it is very important. but since i don't know what I want to do i'm not going to waste my time or money going to school. But as much as I want to have kids I'm not going to start popping out babies. after reading the link on pregnancy after 35 I'm not pleased to read that the risk of twins are greater when you get older. Since my chance of having twins are high because I am a twin. hopefully I come into money somehow, get married and pregnant before I turn 30. lol
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Unread 08-15-2008, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Queens
838 posts, read 160,450 times
Reputation: 92
LMFAO! Same here mir_ny! I just want to win the lottery and open up the baby factory! NO LIE!!!
I actually wouldn't mind twins...have it all done with in ONE pop!
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Unread 08-15-2008, 01:53 PM
 
335 posts, read 662,104 times
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i would have twin if its a boy and girl. if not then I want a boy first and then the girl. Maybe after that I will adopt/foster child. oh well we will have to wait to see what the future holds for us. lol
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Unread 08-15-2008, 02:01 PM
 
1,867 posts, read 2,402,742 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by page3000 View Post
I could NEVER see myself letting my uterus dry up at 35-40 (no offense to some of you gals that I really like on here..I'm just OVERLY paranoid).
LOL. Sounds so old when your 23 but when you get to be around 35 you will laugh at that characterization you had, unless you let yourself go and you look like an old hag in your late 30's and early 40's, which I most certainly have not.

However, I was also very careful not to wait to have a baby too long past the mid 30's as I didn't see it worth the risk considering I have always wanted to be a mother of my own child. I know women who are older still looking around for the perfect man. Huney, you betta move on that now while you still have the chance! Like Jennifer Aniston. I mean pick someone already woman! Being unable to conceive would be such a horrible outcome!

I do have a feeling some of you girls will end up having at least one kid in your mid 30's, maybe not your first but its extremely common to have a baby in your 30's nowadays.
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Unread 08-15-2008, 02:14 PM
 
Location: Bronx, NY
374 posts, read 492,334 times
Reputation: 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by mir_ny View Post
I'm 25. but ever since I was 16/17 I wanted to have a child by 21. But at the time I thought I would be done with college and have a decent job and my husband will have a good job also. Well I still don't have any kids, I'm didn't even make it half way through college and I'm still not married and I have an okay job. And now that I just turned 25 and most of my friends have children I feel totally left out. not that I want children cuz i wanna be "in". I have no idea what I wanna be when I "grow up" but I do know that I want children, my own family to love and take care of. I know it's not that simple. And I made sure that I haven't gotten pregnant until I'm ready. But as much as people plan or don't plan you will never be ready. And I'm pretty sure people get ready when they find out that they are pregnant. And I'm speaking about people who want to have their babies. Anyways I think that raising a child(ren) is the most amazing and important thing you could do in life. I just don't want to be too tired, (for a lack of better word to come to mind) old, or busy with my career to give the proper care and attention to my child even if they are 16/21. Whatever thats just me and my opinion
I understand what you are saying, but I think being older gives you greater insight to things and your ability to problem solve. Things taht may throw you for a loop at 15 or 20 may not affect you whatsoever at 25 or 30 or beyond. It is, in my opinion, much more important to be financially secure and emotionally mature when you have your children than to worry so much about being "too old" or "tired" (especially as a 20-early 40-something).
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Unread 08-15-2008, 02:34 PM
 
Location: Bronx, NY
374 posts, read 492,334 times
Reputation: 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by mir_ny View Post
yeah I'm overly sensitive about this also. I think having kids/family is the only thing i ever really wanted out of life. I could see the world when I'm older and even better i could take my children on vacation with me. I'm done with the party scene. And like i said i don't know what i wanna be when i "grow up" but even so people change their careers all the time. education isn't going anywhere either. although it is very important. but since i don't know what I want to do i'm not going to waste my time or money going to school. But as much as I want to have kids I'm not going to start popping out babies. after reading the link on pregnancy after 35 I'm not pleased to read that the risk of twins are greater when you get older. Since my chance of having twins are high because I am a twin. hopefully I come into money somehow, get married and pregnant before I turn 30. lol
1) That sounds nice, but things happen and once you start your career, kiss all that freetime and flexibility goodbye. Coordinating your schedule and your child's together? Buena suerte.

2) If you have no current career track of education plans, please consider how that will negatively affect your future offspring. I work with Section 8 clients and some of them are semi-illiterate and cannot even help their own children with school. If your child sees that you don't take education seriously, nor a career, s/he most likely thinks, "If Mom doesn't care, why should I?"

3) The fact you mentioned wanting/needing someone to love concerns me. Maybe a void? That is something that may need to be addressed. Education and getting a good career start can be very empowering and really help one's level of self-esteem and sense of purpose.

4) Never wait for any man or rely on a boyfriend/husband/family member to support you in adulthood. It causes you to become apathetic and you stop striving to improve yourself. What happens when this person can't or won't be there? What will you do? Do you really want your child to be raised in a situation where the mother is reliant on a father and isn't empowered in her own right?

These are things you really need to think about. They seem trite, perhaps, but will affect you in the long run. I am your age exactly and my field is to get Section 8 clients back on the right track. Many have no GED, some illiterate and/or non-English-speaking, few marketable skills, and many have children. Not an ideal situation to be in. What is even more troublesome is that a lot of these parents have teen/20s children who are following in their parents foot steps and thus, perpetuating the cycle.
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