Dating experiences/efficiencies for transplants in NYC (high school, living)

[Moderate Guy]

Originally Posted by wheregirl

Also, this does seem to confirm for me what I have heard---that the average men in NYC with no particular merits all think they are fantastic or eligible just because of the imbalanced male-female ratio there.

Not really. We do indeed think we're the best because we actually are. And we do have merits. Come on over and meet us.

[dixiecupdrinking]

Originally Posted by Miles

Not really. We do indeed think we're the best because we actually are. And we do have merits. Come on over and meet us.

No, Miles... it really is just the male-female ratio for me. That's all I've got going and I fully intend to take advantage of it. In fact, my favorite pick up line is, "If not me, who?"

[Rudbeckia]

Okay let me preface this by saying I am not single, and I have never lived in NYC as a single person but.....

I think is would be a great place to be single. My friends all have a blast. There is an endless supply of things to do, places to go, people to meet. I guess it might depend on your age, but if you are still young, like below 35 maybe, I think NYC would be a great place to be single.

not saying you are certain to find your mate, but you are not certain whereever you live and at least looking in NYC would be fun

[bmwguydc]

There is a good amount of choice in New York, but one has to be judicious as to where one looks for the potential mate to try to find the person with whom they make a connection. Meaningless encounters can/do happen in the city all the time, and there are some who trade on that, so meeting someone on a deeper level can take work, despite there being a larger population pool.

If you have specific hobbies, activites, religious pursuits, etc. that can help you connect with like-minded people, that can be a huge benefit in NYC. But, running into your potential mate while walking along Madison Avenue might be a little more remote of a possibility.

It can take work, but it can also be exciting (in a good way) to be single in Manhattan.

[clevedark]

My personal experience with meeting men in NYC is--it's hard!! I and many of my friends put up with ridiculous behavior from men for the sole purpose of some kind of companionship. And we also turned down some wonderful guys because they weren't "enough." It is a tough scene with very high expectations on both sides in terms of appearance, income, status.

I remember being routinely asked by men if I "loved" my work. How f-ing romantic is that? Yeah, the NYC work fetish is HOT!

Of course many people will tell you differently, but this is my own personal experience. In my 20s.

One of my friends who had what I think was the most insane relationship I ever heard of in NYC moved to Steamboat Springs, CO, (very high man to woman ratio) where she routinely turns men down because they're not right for here--something she never had the luxury of doing in NYC.

My story does have a happy ending, in terms of love--eventually my mate and I met in NYC, we married, procreated--and moved to Boston!

Of course, all my insights are probably outdated--I was single in the late 80s early 90s.

[tpk-nyc]

It depends upon what your goals are. NYC is probably the national capital of dating but it's quite low when it comes to marriage: i.e., sex-in-the-city but marriage-in-the-suburbs. Real estate is so expensive that it's very hard to raise children here unless you make a lot of money. Consequently, the people who move here tend to be more focused on a career than a family. Then again, if you're attracted to ambitions, career-oriented guys, there are more of them here than anywhere else.

It's best to move to a place that matches your ethos and lifestyle. The people you'll meet there will likely share that ethos and lifestyle. For example, if you like the outdoors try Denver or Portland; if you want a large family in the suburbs try Charlotte or Houston; if you want a competitive, fast-paced urban landscape try Chicago or New York. Every large city is full of singles, both male and female; it would be well to expand your criteria before making a choice.

[oberon_1]

Originally Posted by tpk-nyc

It depends upon what your goals are. NYC is probably the national capital of dating but it's quite low when it comes to marriage: i.e., sex-in-the-city but marriage-in-the-suburbs. Real estate is so expensive that it's very hard to raise children here unless you make a lot of money. Consequently, the people who move here tend to be more focused on a career than a family. Then again, if you're attracted to ambitions, career-oriented guys, there are more of them here than anywhere else.
It's best to move to a place that matches your ethos and lifestyle. The people you'll meet there will likely share that ethos and lifestyle. For example, if you like the outdoors try Denver or Portland; if you want a large family in the suburbs try Charlotte or Houston; if you want a competitive, fast-paced urban landscape try Chicago or New York. Every large city is full of singles, both male and female; it would be well to expand your criteria before making a choice.

I second that!
Only thing to add is that for dating - Boulder, CO is an excellent option where the cost of living is still manageble. San Francisco may also appeal to you. NY is insane!
Statistics aside, for love - you only need one. You may find that 20 million single guys are not necessary better (for you) then 2000.

[Indi9]

bmwguydc, pretty much nailed it, in my opinion. I've been in NYC for about eleven years and have found dating to be quite a challenge. Fun, yes, but a challenge in terms of finding or creating relationships of any real depth. Random encounters, short-term liaisons, flirt buddy relationships, etc. are a dime a dozen. Very easy to find (or be found). Serious relationships (meaning loving, monogamous, committed, long-term) not so easy. In all the time I have been in NYC I have had five serious relationships--long-term by NYC standards--lasting anywhere from six months to two years.

I met my first NY guy in a bookstore in Brooklyn Heights. He was a bookseller, and I was goofing around, book browsing, sight seeing, enjoying myself, etc. with my girlfriend. My second guy I met at a conference called Engaging the World with Compassion. I happened to be a volunteer, so without even planning it that way I was highly visible in the midst of the huge throng of conference participants. I met NY guy number three when my supervisor sent me out have some professional headshots taken for pamphlets and other job-related pr and educational materials. He was the photographer. I met guy number four at work. Big mistake as it turns out. He became my first NY stalker after I broke things off with him. lol. My last serious relationship (and favorite) was sparked at a poetry reading. We lasted about two years off and on. As bmwguydc has written, it is more likely that you will meet guys doing what you love. Guys who share the same interests, and who won't necessarily be all about looks, money, status, etc.. But, sadly and realistically, some of that will come into play here; unless you meet a guy who is highly evolved spiritually or ethically.

[cmw2133]

Being one of maybe 18 couples that are actually married in New York City I would say New York is no different and maybe a little easier to meet people than other places.

When my friends complain about not meeting people, it has little to do with New York; I'd say it's almost always because they're being too narrow-minded. This is most acutely the case among my female friends. You ask what they're looking for in a girl or guy and they rifle off this long list of requirements with no relation to anything, and of course you'll always be single with that kind of mindset. Go outside your comfort zone, give people a chance and you'll be pleasantly surprised. New York will present you with people from so many different backgrounds that you really have no choice but to be seriously open-minded. If you want a homogenous group of guys, head down I-95 to DC or take PATH to Hoboken or something.

If you're looking for a long-term meaningful relationship, that's not going to come about screaming over loud music over beers in a bar. And it's not going to be Mr. Big. It's likely to be a friend, friend of a friend, maybe a co-worker, something along those lines. Like BMWguy said, you have get out of the house: take a class, join a group, volunteer, take a book to the park or a cafe. New York is excellent for providing plenty of opportunities like these, so take advantage. This city is full of nice guys; if it were just full of pretentious *******s, the population would be 800 instead of 8 million.

[wheregirl]

Thank you all for these really helpful posts. I am having a much better idea of how to go about this. I'll probably come to NYC for short, work-related visits, then I can meet like-minded people and not have to run into the others.

It is good to know that there Are nice guys in NYC, I wonder whether they also have a hard time meeting nice women, since the city is so focused on other material things. Or maybe the nice guys figure it out and move out of the city after a few years.

Thanks for the advice about other places, in fact I am looking at Fort Collins, Co another very walkable place.