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I am reminded of a quote from the movie The Fisher King (with Robin Williams and Jeff Bridges): "Yuppies don't love; they only negotiate love moments." I don't think we should point any more fingers at yuppies. This phenomenon has become widespread. So what do you think? Has dating become for most of people a series of short-term moments? Is that all we can expect here in the Big Apple? The dating scene feels so much like scenes in the futuristic series Jeremiah, where everyone is constantly on the move, searching and searching and searching (for what?), and then stopping occasionally to "hook-up." Then it's "Thank you very much. See ya. Good luck." Wha...?
Maybe I am living in the past, or back down south or in the midwest... In any case, I don't get it. I have a had a few long-term relationships here, but for the most part it's been this series of "love moments." Punctuated by inexplicable disappearing acts or sudden shifts into the friendship, buddy, or flirt buddy zone.
I don't do "hook-ups" or "fwb's." That might explain it, but I think there is something going on here that is more about the culture. I don't have this problem anywhere else. Help me shed some light on this. Thanks.
I am reminded of a quote from the movie The Fisher King (with Robin Williams and Jeff Bridges): "Yuppies don't love; they only negotiate love moments." I don't think we should point any more fingers at yuppies. This phenomenon has become widespread. So what do you think? Has dating become for most of people a series of short-term moments? Is that all we can expect here in the Big Apple? The dating scene feels so much like scenes in the futuristic series Jeremiah, where everyone is constantly on the move, searching and searching and searching (for what?), and then stopping occasionally to "hook-up." Then it's "Thank you very much. See ya. Good luck." Wha...?
Maybe I am living in the past, or back down south or in the midwest... In any case, I don't get it. I have a had a few long-term relationships here, but for the most part it's been this series of "love moments." Punctuated by inexplicable disappearing acts or sudden shifts into the friendship, buddy, or flirt buddy zone.
I don't do "hook-ups" or "fwb's." That might explain it, but I think there is something going on here that is more about the culture. I don't have this problem anywhere else. Help me shed some light on this. Thanks.
We are a city on the move. We are all androids moving around rapidly seeking the fastest, quickest, most sensually gratifying way to satisfy our appetites while we strive to squeeze out every last bit from the imagined or real path to achieving the pinnacle of material success in this the most glorified and celebrated of cities nationally and universally. We're constantly on the go, chasing that work deadline, grabbing that quick sandwich and coffee from the street vendor for lunch and dinner, rushing back to our desks, working long hours.
We can only afford ourselves so little of a breather socially so we must cut corners and find the easiest and most direct route of going from Point A to B. Sometimes that movement is to satisfy our primal urges and we do not have time to romanticize, to romance, to whisper all the ahs and sweet nothings that would normally sustain long-lasting relationships. It's like slam bang - a movie, to bed, see ya later. And sometimes that later never materializes and we're back at work or at home pouring over our financial documents seeking ways to make that extra buck before another hair turns gray or another love handle unexpectedly shows up on out tired bodies and fatigued souls.
Oh, NYC is fantastic for its breathtaking pace, its opportunities to educate, be educated, to advance professionally, to enlarge one's coffers.
Too oft, however, one can find oneself alone wishing for the world to stop spinning so fast for just one moment so that one can take it all in, step back, meet someone for more than a one-night stand - and build a future that involves more than adding one more widget to the company output or one more dollar to one's bank account.
Last edited by Moderate Guy; 01-14-2009 at 12:13 PM..
Eloquent, Miles. This is how I see it, too. Thanks for the reality check. Coming back to New York City, which is otherwise simply fabulous, usu. amounts to culture shock for me. I had two dates this week that were incredibly enjoyable, and then poof, nada. I am depressed. Times like these call for radical acceptance. I just find the whole dating scene so hard to accept, coming from a different world, singing "Is That All There Is?" lol
Eloquent, Miles. This is how I see it, too. Thanks for the reality check. Coming back to New York City, which is otherwise simply fabulous, usu. amounts to culture shock for me. I had two dates this week that were incredibly enjoyable, and then poof, nada. I am depressed. Times like these call for radical acceptance. I just find the whole dating scene so hard to accept, coming from a different world, singing "Is That All There Is?" lol
I will always appreciate your honesty.
Indi, I try to be honest, but sometimes being so is not reassuring - especially for me and sometimes for the listener also.
You seem like a very talented, well-spoken, energetic, vibrant person who desrves the best in having both good friends and someone to be a life partner. I have a feeling that one day you will find that perfect match - here, in Madison, or somewhere else where your multiple professional talents may take you.
Thanks, Miles. I think so, too, in time. In time... (As the romance-starved artist, educator, poet, singer, etc. fights back the tears. Sigh...) Thank God for work that I love and for friends.
Honestly, way too many NYers (especally the young, mostly white transplants) have massive egos. From a male presepctive, just about every girl in Manhattan fully expects nothing less than a supermodel+billionaire+CEO+European Royalty husband. Anything less and it's like "Hmm, maybe next week". When you dare ask why she should deserve all this, it's like "EXCUSE ME? I'M A NYC CHICK AND I'M THE HOTTEST SHIZZAZZ ON THIS ISLAND". I'm like YeahSureWhatever....
Guys aren't innocent either. Many simply want to "Sample the merchandise" without having to actually invest anything of themselves.
In short, wildly inflated expectations+non-existant sexual mores+greedy, speedy outlook=NYs dating scene
Sad yet, in many cases, true. I once had a guy tell me that if I keep breaking the "third date rule," that all I could expect would be a series of very short liaisons. My down-to-earth friendliness and natural beauty (many say) work in my favor, at first; but my high sexual mores apparently work against me here. In other words, I have no problem attracting attention, without even trying really, but I have very little chance of holding onto or even wanting to be with someone who is just in it for instant gratification.
I see this kind of stuff among all age groups. In my life, it might be largely an artist thing.
the 3rd date rule haha...he mustve been a listener of Tom Leykis. But yea I think its pretty tough to meet potential dates, unless you meet them at work or through school. ALso, the fact that there are so many people to choose from might be whats causing the "short liasons"
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