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Location: suburbs of NYC en route to southern Illinois
186 posts, read 218,913 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by NooYowkur81
That stat gets over-used and over-analyzed. Just because there are 200,000 more women doesn't mean there are 200,000 more heterosexual single women than single heterosexual men.
Yes that number was never calculated hetero-normatively- except there *do* seem to be wayyy more gay men than gay women here. Think of the fashion industry. So it's a decent guess that if anything, there would be even a *higher* ratio of women to men once homosexual numbers are figured in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NooYowkur81
Women outnumber men in a lot of places.
So? It would be harder for us there too. The difference is that here, overall the population is so high (highest in the country per sq maile) so there are more women around to choose from. And we all know how men just *love* choosing just one woman, don't we.
Location: suburbs of NYC en route to southern Illinois
186 posts, read 218,913 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grenoble_slopes
Most of the origin for the stat of New York's gender imbalance comes from the number of men raised in high poverty neighborhoods that end up murdered or in prison. This effect is seen in most ghettos across the country.
I think I've heard this before, but it doesn't make sense to me. How many men have to be murdered or put in prison each year to balance out the number of new men moving into the city? There are 200, 000 men in prison in the NYC metro area? Don't they still get counted as men in this number?
So strange. I get approached a lot here in Madison, so I know I must still be attractive. But in New York City, there is such a premium on age--meaning the younger the better, supposedly--that I know that my chances are slim at the age of forty-eight. I'll be back in NYC for good in August. We shall see. I'm not pinning my hopes on the dating scene, but I will remain open. I get more satisfaction out of my career and my artistic work (as a poet, performer, and community organizer). Loads of good work and fun. Lots of love in my life--friends, family, etc. Then how do I shake this feeling that when I move back to NYC my romantic love life will be over? I found the dating scene in NYC difficult, after living in NYC for over thirteen years, mainly because of the lack of honesty and consistency. Dating is treated like shopping. I think dating should be fun, but I do not think people should be treated as if they are interchangeable objects. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, or it could be that the older I get the less interested I am in meaningless games. lol.
Location: suburbs of NYC en route to southern Illinois
186 posts, read 218,913 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181
I saw it elsewhere on this forum.
No this is definitely a documented number, I've done research on the topic and found it mentioned over and over again. I don't remember now where I saw it, I could look it up later I suppose. I don't know what hard facts/analysis it's based on though
I'm sure this doesn't apply to all New Yorkers, but I do get this sense that both men and women on the scene tend to be fickle or indecisive. They love you one minute and then--poof--they are off and running to the next prospect before things have a chance to develop. Now don't get me wrong. I have had some fabulous long-term relationships or dating experiences in NYC. Could it be that ltr's are becoming a thing of the past?
I once organized a meetup group for people interested in exploring more meaningful ways of approaching dating and relationships. What an inspiration. The group attracted people who for a variety of reasons had not been successful on the dating scene. On hindsight, each person was attractive in his or her own way, but each had at least one tragic challenge or hang-up that had proven to be a dating block (much like a creative block.) One guy was so rebellious that he constantly got into arguments with people over the least little thing. He couldn't stand rules or boundaries of any sort, yet he couldn't understand why people wouldn't stick around for long. Funny though, he had his own dating rules, the main one being that any woman who doesn't sleep with him on the third date is out. Good-bye. End of story. One woman had been hurt or disappointed so much that deep down she no longer believed that finding love in NYC was possible. She believed that all the people she dated would either turn out to be creeps, abusive, or downright dangerous. One woman turned out to be so pushy, obsessive, domineering, and know-it-all that even I found myself wanting the night to be over before long. Several of the group members were so shy or socially phobic that they kept skipping the actual meetups, but instead opted to stay in touch with me online. My issue was that I still don't quite get the whole consumer dating vibe in NYC; I'm not so willing to compromise. I miss the good old days of ltr's and at least serial monogamy.
Doesn't look good overall. Would sure love to read some NYC dating success stories.
Location: suburbs of NYC en route to southern Illinois
186 posts, read 218,913 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nala8
So strange. I get approached a lot here in Madison, so I know I must still be attractive. But in New York City, there is such a premium on age--meaning the younger the better, supposedly--that I know that my chances are slim at the age of forty-eight. I'll be back in NYC for good in August. We shall see. I'm not pinning my hopes on the dating scene, but I will remain open. I get more satisfaction out of my career and my artistic work (as a poet, performer, and community organizer). Loads of good work and fun. Lots of love in my life--friends, family, etc. Then how do I shake this feeling that when I move back to NYC my romantic love life will be over? I found the dating scene in NYC difficult, after living in NYC for over thirteen years, mainly because of the lack of honesty and consistency. Dating is treated like shopping. I think dating should be fun, but I do not think people should be treated as if they are interchangeable objects. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, or it could be that the older I get the less interested I am in meaningless games. lol.
Lol I am going to reply to your other post later, when i have a bit of time to compile you some good links. I soooo agree with everything you've said, and this goes for someone who was young for a LONG time here for no reason other than men being shallow polygamous egotistical jerks. For now, this may help:
I like the frisky article, about the NYC writer chick (me too!) who moved to MO (I'm moving to IL!) who jokes about being "fat and average" in NYC but "hot" in Missouri. Lol. I'm hot here, but the only guys who've ever asked me out turned out to be dating other people already while I wasn't, or never were as nice to me as I was to them. So maybe...if the guys are nicer in the midwest, I will get even more attention - from the right guys this time?!
It makes me angry and motivates me to move sooner (I've signed a lease for an apartment in the midwest already). I honestly, at this point, am so demoralized by NYC and by discovering that maybe what my deeply negative view of men has always been is actually only accurate of NYC men, that I would caution any woman from moving there. At any age. It's enraging to only be finding this out now at 34...: crying:
Lol I am going to reply to your other post later, when i have a bit of time to compile you some good links. I soooo agree with everything you've said, and this goes for someone who was young for a LONG time here for no reason other than men being shallow polygamous egotistical jerks. For now, this may help:
I like the frisky article, about the NYC writer chick (me too!) who moved to MO (I'm moving to IL!) who jokes about being "fat and average" in NYC but "hot" in Missouri. Lol. I'm hot here, but the only guys who've ever asked me out turned out to be dating other people already while I wasn't, or never were as nice to me as I was to them. So maybe...if the guys are nicer in the midwest, I will get even more attention - from the right guys this time?!
It makes me angry and motivates me to move sooner (I've signed a lease for an apartment in the midwest already). I honestly, at this point, am so demoralized by NYC and by discovering that maybe what my deeply negative view of men has always been is actually only accurate of NYC men, that I would caution any woman from moving there. At any age. It's enraging to only be finding this out now at 34...: crying:
Hey thanks, susangggg. I'm going to get nice and comfortable here and read these links. Just read the about.com New York City dating tips article. Enlightening. Wish I had known this stuff a long, long time ago. Good luck to you wherever you land. Don't let your NYC experience keep you jaded. You are still young, and you still have a lot of living to do and a lot of love to give the right person.
Location: suburbs of NYC en route to southern Illinois
186 posts, read 218,913 times
Reputation: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohiogirl22
PUH-LEEZ. I just moved from the midwest and please gag me right now. As a female I have to say everything in the midwest dating scene is absolutly backward unless you want to be married at 21, which all my friends are on their way to. All of my friends boyfriends didnt trust me becasue I was 23 and not in a 4 year relationship on my way to the alter. Everyone is in such a rush to get married. I was seeing a guy here in NYC who was from Ohio and he stopped seeing me since I was too forward and aggressive...he liked them sweet and submissive. I don't cook or clean or do any of that stuff. I like the dating scene in NYC...theres no place for a white picket fence or a mini van. Blah now I remember all the reasons I hated Ohio.
haha, just give it time here...I felt the same way when I was 18 and moved from suburbia to NYC- for years...you hit thirty with no significant relationships and you second-guess what you'd be willing to change for an actual boyfriend...torture me with a minivan or cooking and cleaning and white picket fences- I'm not into it, but I'll do it because it beats hookups with the egotistical, womanizing, spoiled misogynistic jerks that populate this city.
hahaha now I'm reading this thread. I love,
"In short, wildly inflated expectations+non-existant sexual mores+greedy, speedy outlook=NYs dating scene"
:c rying: it's hopeless!
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