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Old 09-02-2007, 08:33 PM
 
Location: Midwest
799 posts, read 1,909,872 times
Reputation: 216

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Quote:
Originally Posted by luv80s View Post
I'm sure we all know people who talk to much but how do you handle it? Do you just tune them out (most of the time I do) or what? I'm not someone who is shy and quiet but not a motormouth either. But there are a few people I know that its hard to get in a word when speaking with them. There are times I feel like yelling, "Will you please JUST SHUT UP!"

Example: My mother. She will give you every single little detail on the most mundane things or will tell you things that you already know how to do. For instance, she can't just say there was a rude customer in front of her at the grocery store. She'll tell you just about everything that led up to her being in the grocery store-the time she woke up this morning, how she couldn't find her shoes, etc. Twenty minutes later she'll finally get to the story about the rude customer.

Another example: Best friend. She talks and talks and talks and talks....You get the point. You can't break in to give your opinion or whatnot because she's already on another topic. SHe'll call me up and starts talking about her problems right away with barely asking me how I am doing. Thirty minutes to an hour later, after her lips are starting to turn blue, she ask to see how I'm doing, lol.

Another example: Friend who is almost a narcissist. Everything is about her and how great she is or great people think she is. Talks about herself way too much and again, will have to give you every single little detail about everything.

I love these people but gosh do they get annoying! All I feel like I ever say is "Yeah, uh-huh, ok" etc. I mean occasionally I get a few words in, hehe. There have been times I can put down the phone with these women and go get a drink of water or go to the bathroom AND THEY ARE STILL TALKING!!!

I've always been one that people come to for advice, almost like a therapist with out the great pay. It gets old though. Guess I'm too nice

So people how do deal with the blabbermouths in your lives? I'm curious because I really need to do something about it before I go nuts.
I think people who talk about themselves incessantly are bores. I had a friend like that, and everything was about her life, her this and that. Constantly. She never asked about me, and I never got much of a chance to talk about myself. It wasn't a CONVERSATION, it was being TALKED AT. I got tired of it. I never had to ask her about anything, more than enough information was offered. The whole thing ended when she got married. She asked me to be in her wedding, and on the night before she married, after the rehearsal dinner, she said she wanted to show me her dress. We were at her apartment, and she showed me her dress and then she said, "You and I can't be friends anymore, because married people and single people don't associate, if you know what I mean."
Well, I didn't know what she meant, but I had a good idea in that she felt getting married meant she was superior or better to me, and she didn't want to bring around this (alas!!!) single, unwanted person like me. I hence didn't pursue talking to her again, but years later, she decided she wanted to look up all her old buddies "Oh, we used to be such great friends, all of us!" Yeah, talk it up, but talk is cheap.
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Old 09-02-2007, 08:46 PM
 
Location: Zebulon, NC
2,275 posts, read 5,509,685 times
Reputation: 3588
Quote:
Originally Posted by twixcookie View Post
The whole thing ended when she got married. She asked me to be in her wedding, and on the night before she married, after the rehearsal dinner, she said she wanted to show me her dress. We were at her apartment, and she showed me her dress and then she said, "You and I can't be friends anymore, because married people and single people don't associate, if you know what I mean."
Wow. I think I would have been sorely tempted not to show up for her wedding - or at least responded by saying, "I guess that means I shouldn't be in your wedding. After all, a bridesmaid should be a friend."
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Old 09-02-2007, 09:31 PM
 
Location: Midwest
799 posts, read 1,909,872 times
Reputation: 216
I had contemplated that...I already had the dress, and not showing up would have demonized me when no one else knew she had said that to me. I also looked forward to seeing some friends I knew would be at the wedding but after it was over, I was done with her.
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Old 09-03-2007, 04:42 AM
 
9,155 posts, read 8,614,004 times
Reputation: 14095
One gal at work, if you make the mistake of asking how her weekend was, will take forever to get to the point. Every other sentence she gets off on another subject. If you are able to get a word in edgewise, it will remind her of something else, she'll rudely interrupt and start off on another tangent.

"What Could He Be Thinking" by Michael Gurian explains why women generally talk more than men (because of the way our brains are developed). Why not all women are overly talkative, and why some men are more talkative than others. It doesn't solve the problem, but does give insight as to why.

I agree that people who just ramble on and on are self-serving and not interested in anyone else.
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Old 09-03-2007, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,000 posts, read 16,734,024 times
Reputation: 12303
Quote:
Originally Posted by twixcookie View Post
The whole thing ended when she got married. She asked me to be in her wedding, and on the night before she married, after the rehearsal dinner, she said she wanted to show me her dress. We were at her apartment, and she showed me her dress and then she said, "You and I can't be friends anymore, because married people and single people don't associate, if you know what I mean."
Hi Twix, I'm just curious to know where you live. I've read alot of your posts and it seems you live somewhere in this country where everyone (but yourself) is a complete idiot. This post above is one of the most shocking things I've seen you post - what the hell kind of friend was this to begin with?
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Old 09-03-2007, 05:03 PM
 
25,141 posts, read 22,989,884 times
Reputation: 15049
there is a gal at work, who is a very nice person, but she absolutely makes something out of nothing....and loves to brag and flaunt her and her hubbies success...which I'm glad they're doing great financially, but, I'm sick of hearing about it...she has to have the best clothes, and everything has to be perfect....she most of the time, laughs b/c she hears others laugh, but doesn't know what they are laughing about, and it takes her 2 hours to say what you could say in 2 minutes. She is a sweet insecure woman, but very difficult to be around. And she is always sick, cuz she fears gaining weight....if she is sick, it's like the worst thing in the world, that no one else has...she is so high maintenance when it comes to attention.
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Old 09-03-2007, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,000 posts, read 16,734,024 times
Reputation: 12303
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
there is a gal at work, who is a very nice person, but she absolutely makes something out of nothing....and loves to brag and flaunt her and her hubbies success...which I'm glad they're doing great financially, but, I'm sick of hearing about it...she has to have the best clothes, and everything has to be perfect....she most of the time, laughs b/c she hears others laugh, but doesn't know what they are laughing about, and it takes her 2 hours to say what you could say in 2 minutes. She is a sweet insecure woman, but very difficult to be around. And she is always sick, cuz she fears gaining weight....if she is sick, it's like the worst thing in the world, that no one else has...she is so high maintenance when it comes to attention.
good lord creme, you poor thing, i got a headache just reading that....
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Old 09-04-2007, 04:42 AM
 
Location: Under the SUNNY WARM SUN ....
14,939 posts, read 9,961,060 times
Reputation: 17519
Has anyone experienced this:

Everything I say is used as a line opener, converstation starter, or pick out key words to start talking about himself? All it takes is for me to say one sentence about myself and there he goes - next 45 minutes about himself using my one sentence to begin.
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Old 09-04-2007, 04:47 AM
 
25,141 posts, read 22,989,884 times
Reputation: 15049
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2goldens View Post
Has anyone experienced this:

Everything I say is used as a line opener, converstation starter, or pick out key words to start talking about himself? All it takes is for me to say one sentence about myself and there he goes - next 45 minutes about himself using my one sentence to begin.

yes, I have a neighbor like this....generally, asking people questions is a way to break the ice, and start a conversation going....people do enjoy talking about themselves...and it is interesting to learn their stories...their personal culture, where they've been....but the excess is unbearable sometimes...literally hate it when people always use the conversation to turn it back to them....
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Old 09-04-2007, 07:03 PM
 
1,005 posts, read 1,368,247 times
Reputation: 656
Many of us can empathize with these situations. One realization we all come to, sooner or later, is we can change no one but ourselves. A chatty person, more than likely always was & always will be. Since they need an audience to unload on, if we prefer not to feel talked at we have to remove ourselves from their presence.

A great way to deal with chat-aholics we prefer not to be entangled with in our personal lives, but wish to have a conversation with, is to take control of our own time. They'll only talk at someone who plants themselves in front of them & refuses to move, or won't hang up the phone. Many of us have endured these situations out of politeness, yet, past behavior is crucial. We can't expect them to include us, stop & take a breath & let us join in or spend all their time asking about us if past experiences have shown this isn't the case. To think otherwise is our mistake of not honoring our personal space & boundaries. Maybe they're not capable of shared conversation, maybe they don't care & maybe the're not aware.

If it's in our professional lives & perhaps a boss or a top client/vendor, then we may have to endure it if the payoff is satisfactory. A co-worker might be another issue where treading lightly so as not to unleash verbal vengeance is wisest.

Ultimately, for me, it came down to feeling depleted if I didn't get away from verbal-frenzied-folk who inevitably lead to a headache, a miserable, exhausting experience being with them & being angry at myself for not setting limitations & honoring my own boundaries. There are many ways to convey our dissatisfaction with not being included in a conversation & that must be determined case by case. I initially attempt to resolve most bumps in the road with humor. What I would say would differ depending on my relationship with the speedtalker.

If subtle humor failed, directness with kindness would be my 2nd plan, in the realm of "I like it when we have a chance to get together. You have a lot to say, which is great & I have ideas to share, as well. I'd like to do more of that with you." rather than "I like it when we have a chance to get together BUT I have ideas to share, too." Anything after BUT is always heard as a criticism. The former statement opens up doors for conversation & making our point. Many times we're too afraid to hurt feelings. Is it fair, however, for us instead to walk around feeling neglected, used or ingnored in a relationship, because we're too afraid to speak up for ourselves? We create or allow everything. It's not always easy, especially for us big-hearted folks who like to show compassion & have a great deal of sympathy & empathy, but I'd never treat people the way I used to allow myself to be treated. Realizing that my behavior was my choice was what brought me out of baggage-handler role. I don't choose to be an unpaid therapist anymore. I don't choose to be everyone's problem solver anymore. I took off the "Free Therapy - Take as Much Time as you Need" T-shirt recently & have never felt better.

Many of us here seem to share the same mom. Mine answers "Do you want anything from the store?" with "Well.... <long pause>... yesterday, I had 1/2 a sandwich...", similar to you, Luv in which I hear the perimeter of the story, everything which lead up to it, much of which is extraneous, thinking-outloud jargon, before an eventual 'yes' or 'no' is given. My way of handling that is to say, "I'm going to the store in 1/2-hour. If you'd like anything, let me know." & then I leave. If the thinking outloud chatter begins, I nicely say "I'll be back in a bit & you make a list." If I don't have the luxury of time, I've learned to never leave her with an open ended question. I say "I'm going to the store now. Would you like anything, yes or no?" If she begins to elaborate, I say "I don't have time, I'm leaving now. You can call me on my cellphone if you think of something."

Assertive control is what we need to use for our benefit. Understanding that I was taking control by just sitting there before, made it easier for me to take control with new rules. One of those metaphysical authors said that we show others how to treat us. It is true. When I let "friends" know they could verbally dump on me, feel better, then leave me to clear up what they purged, they felt welcome to do so. When I reversed it, treated myself with kindness & didn't make myself available for what in essence is at the very least thoughtless behavior, they either changed or left the friendship & found another quiet soul to use for free therapy. That's their choice, as it is mine to establish boundaries. I'm a goodhearted soul, as well, but I wouldn't treat myself in the way I've been treated & I no longer allow it to happen.

Good luck. Thinking up individual, creative & kind ways is our best avenue. As a last resort, I thought I could buy bright red T-shirts & emblazon them with "I'm Not Dr. Ruth!" I'm glad the other stuff worked...

Have fun... VV
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