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Old 02-27-2008, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Utah
4,942 posts, read 13,693,112 times
Reputation: 4867

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustT&Me View Post
...6. I had an acquaintance who, every time we got on the phone she'd say right off the bat, (mind you - with *her* calling *me*), "I don't have long!" She'd ask how I was doing, then cut me off telling me she didn't have time, then I'd say, "Okay - we can talk later," then she'd go into a long detailed example of how *her* day was going and not stop! It felt more like, I don't have time for *your* thoughts - I really just called to talk about mine! Now... if she said, "Hey, I called to ask what you think about something..." then I could have been prepared to listen.
My brother does this every time he calls. He wants to talk about what's on his agenda and doesn't have the time to see how I am. Sure he asks, "How are you doin'", but he doesn't really have time to hear my answer.
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Old 02-27-2008, 12:12 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,151,376 times
Reputation: 1832
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv80s View Post
I'm sure we all know people who talk to much but how do you handle it? Do you just tune them out (most of the time I do) or what? I'm not someone who is shy and quiet but not a motormouth either. But there are a few people I know that its hard to get in a word when speaking with them. There are times I feel like yelling, "Will you please JUST SHUT UP!"

Example: My mother. She will give you every single little detail on the most mundane things or will tell you things that you already know how to do. For instance, she can't just say there was a rude customer in front of her at the grocery store. She'll tell you just about everything that led up to her being in the grocery store-the time she woke up this morning, how she couldn't find her shoes, etc. Twenty minutes later she'll finally get to the story about the rude customer.
Okay, that is too funny...sometimes I wished my mother would have rambled on, she was too quiet, like me....Now that she is gone, I look at posts like yours and only have to say, treasure the fact that you still have her around to talk to. If you don't have kids yet, now is the time to ask her about what it was like to have a family, things like that because once they are gone they are gone...In other words, have her "ramble' about things that could be meaningful to you later...

Another example: Best friend. She talks and talks and talks and talks....You get the point. You can't break in to give your opinion or whatnot because she's already on another topic. SHe'll call me up and starts talking about her problems right away with barely asking me how I am doing. Thirty minutes to an hour later, after her lips are starting to turn blue, she ask to see how I'm doing, lol.
My best friend is my husband and yes, he is one for detail and leads up to the point. I am one for getting to the point, so it takes a lot of patience on my part to just sit there without interrupting and just listen. Now, if you have a girlfriend that is your best friend, again, I say you are lucky...I do not have one of those bf girlfriends that I just shoot the breeze...should I count my blessings that I don't have to listen to all that????

Another example: Friend who is almost a narcissist. Everything is about her and how great she is or great people think she is. Talks about herself way too much and again, will have to give you every single little detail about everything.

I love these people but gosh do they get annoying! All I feel like I ever say is "Yeah, uh-huh, ok" etc. I mean occasionally I get a few words in, hehe. There have been times I can put down the phone with these women and go get a drink of water or go to the bathroom AND THEY ARE STILL TALKING!!!

I've always been one that people come to for advice, almost like a therapist with out the great pay. It gets old though. Guess I'm too nice

So people how do deal with the blabbermouths in your lives? I'm curious because I really need to do something about it before I go nuts.
It sounds like you have made your own bed...by being such a great listener where "people come to for advice, almost like a therapist" you have made them think that it is your pleasure to have to listen to them.
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Old 02-27-2008, 05:01 PM
 
Location: New Orleans
1,963 posts, read 3,022,469 times
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Default Re

Its so Ironic that I came across this entry. My roomate and my cousin talks waay too much. I feel like they just like hearing themselves talk.
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Old 02-27-2008, 05:03 PM
 
Location: New Orleans
1,963 posts, read 3,022,469 times
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Default Woah

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustT&Me View Post
Hm... a few thoughts after reading about 15-20 of these replies. *I* am one who either a) talks a LOT, or b) doesn't say much at all. It is interesting to read the perspective/context into which most of the replies are stated.

Interestingly, one of my "fantasies" is to meet someone to whom I was not required to share so much of my personal life when I choose to remain private. Funny thing is ... when I decline to answer specific personal questions or say reply, "That's private," I am criticized with "you're being secretive," or "what are you hiding?", and the like. Ppl cannot seem to understand the meaning of "private". I tell them I should have been a movie star - then they would seem to "get" (as they do with others) that I "only want (my) privacy," and they seem to get it in those circumstances.

But this is a chat about those who chat and who chat a LOT! I am one of those, so permit me to provide a few perspectives from the "other" side...

1. When someone asks, "How are things going?" I tell them! From my perspective, I'm sharing what's going on in my life just as I'd want to hear of their lives. I value my relationships, and as at least one person also noted, to hear a two- to four-word reply, "I'm fine" or "Great! How are you?!" is somewhat of a disappointment. And then when you ask more, but they continue to reply in short answers but then criticize you for being detailed, it doesn't seem to make sense. Why ask if you really don't care? And if you really cared, why not ask in a way that doesn't lead to additional details? For those of us who are whole-hearted about what we do in life, we put our "whole selves in" - and generally wish most ppl would do the same. We'd actually talk less, if you'd talk more!

2. For those who say a person takes one word and zooms off talking about themselves as being selfish.... have you ever considered that they may be simply attempting to identify with you and something that connects the two of you together? For those of us who are detail-oriented, for some of us it is simply how we are wired. Just as some of you are wired to be more quiet. So why can you not extend us a bit of grace and assign us a positive perspective instead of a negative one? Perhaps we are simply just drawn to a "magnet" or other identifying word you used which elicits a memory for us. And once we "hear" that, we simply process those thoughts vebally. (And some of us - many - also write ...)

While some truly are selfish, I'd challenge you - the next time you feel a "Talker" is running with those single words you've spoken... try waiting for a minute, then also jumping back into the conversation with something upbeat like, "Hey! Cool! That's the same for me... " (blah, blah, blah) and begin to share again what you were saying in the first place. I'm guessing the person will either ping pong with you back and forth, energy rising, or after a few of these verbal exchanges, they will sit and listen to you. Consider it a transfer of energy - instead of them being selfish... that they are actually so focused on *you* that they have "hung" their words and the energy from that - on the very essence of your's!

3. Some of us are simply geniuses. And when we get bombarded with all the thoughts and ideas running through our minds, we simply *have* to get them out! If we are alone, we might simply write, but when we have an audience, we will most certainly talk them out... the same as working out any *other* kind of energy we accumulate within our bodies, minds, & spirits... Just listen. If you intently listen rather than block us out, then we will soon realize it's more than you can handle. Just imagine having all *we* are thinking in *your* heads! For those quieter folks, not that we think you are empty-minded, but really - what *are* you ever thinking??? We want to know! (Except those who are truly selfish and/or arrogant.) It's interesting to us. Just like these types of chat boards... which is why you find a lot of us here - all hours of the day and night. Those of you who are quieter, do you read? Where do you think all those thoughts originated? ... In some busy-minded person's brain! But instead of verbal expressions, the thoughts were communicated via writing (still expressive, actually, but simply written over being verbal).

4. Some of us by profession are in the customer-service industry and listen to folks talk all day - or are selling someone a product or service using a repetitive cycle of words. Any parents out there? Do you ever feel like you're going nuts to hear your four (or less) year old asking, "Why?" "But why, Mom?" "But why?" "When?" "How come?" "When?" "Why?" "When?" "But how come?" "How much longer?" "Why?!" (You get my drift...!) Some of you could go nuts just wanting to hearing something different - anything! So, when we get on the phone with our friends/family, it is like we have been wound all day and are now just ready to unwind! All that energy literally recycling out as it went in... and what if that energy was negative? Then that is what will come out... garbage in, garbage out. It happens even to the "best" of us! Just listen to us - and if you get to the point of going nuts on *us*, just get in there and cut us off! We most likely won't mind! We might even thank you! Whew! Something like, "Wow! Sound like you had a mind-boggling day!" And we can volley back, "Yeah - it was!" Then you cut back in - "Well, how about let's get something to eat!" OR... "Hey, on *that* note, I've got to go before *I* spin out!" Chances are, the person also needs to go and has just been "putting their whole selves in to what they value as a significant relationship - the one they have with *you*.

5. Have you considered that those who are more chatty might actually be *respecting* you to speak up if you had something to say? And if you don't, then they might accept that as your own take on wanting to keep whatever's going on in your *own* life as private? Quite a different take, eh?! I always figure if there's something I want to know, I'll ask. And if there's something someone wants to tell me, they will. I aim to respect another's privacy just as I'd wish my own to be respected... so when I hear you answer in 2- or 3-word replies, I'm not assuming you are trying to "give hints" as much as that, for whatever reason, you simply are not wanting or able to share what's going on in more detail regarding a particular topic or in your life.

Hm... how much simpler it would be if everyone had the same perspectives or gave others the benefit of any doubt or criticism they might be having? OR what if they went a step further and simply spoke truthfully from the heart....

"Hey... you know what? When we chat, and I ask you how you're doing... I'm generally just making conversation at the end of a long day and not really at a point in my day that I'm really expecting you to give me a full run-down of your's. But you *are* important to me, and I do want to hear what's going on in your life, so how about if we chat on Thursday - I've got some time then, and we can both get caught up!"

6. I had an acquaintance who, every time we got on the phone she'd say right off the bat, (mind you - with *her* calling *me*), "I don't have long!" She'd ask how I was doing, then cut me off telling me she didn't have time, then I'd say, "Okay - we can talk later," then she'd go into a long detailed example of how *her* day was going and not stop! It felt more like, I don't have time for *your* thoughts - I really just called to talk about mine! Now... if she said, "Hey, I called to ask what you think about something..." then I could have been prepared to listen.

When you ask someone something, be prepared to listen. If you want someone to listen to you, then let them know you have something to say! Otherwise, if you cut a detailed person off (esp. if you do so consistently), they may eventually take that as an overt "hint" that you are simply don't care. A bit more conveying of one being "rude" than simply saying, "Hey, I'd love to talk, but the baby is crying, and I've got to get dinner in the oven before John gets home!" Or... "Hey! I'd love to chat, but it's been a crazy week at work, and Tuesdays are my only TV night to relax and unwind." Unwinding is something to which the chatty person might relate - and get off the phone asap! Hey - we've got things to do, too! Sometimes we think *we* are "being nice" simply by remaining patiently on the phone with you and communicating with you - even if we are simply talking to you about our day! Lol.

7. Call your chatty person more regularly! Yes! See if this does not get them off the phone faster! When they call you or interrupt, try assigning that a value of being "full" of energy. Their cup overfloweth! :O Call them and let them know you were thinking of them and thought you'd just call to see how they are doing! The more you call *them*, the less they might start calling you! In fact, you might even be doing yourself a favor! Lol. *(Like a guy that never stops calling... what do you want to do? Go out with him?! No way! You simply want him to "Go away!" :P But what if he calls only once or twice??? Don't many of you wonder when you'll chat next? You want to chat *more!* Same (for diff reasons though) for the chatty person. Siphon that energy more often, and you'll tap them dry! *They'll* be finding ways to put *you* off the phone!

8. Would you say that many of these folks live in full households? Chances are, they don't. OR they work with children or in repetitive positions. At the end of *your* fun-filled day or 80-hour work week, you're beat. You've been changing diapers after staying up all night, just finished grading a term's worth of papers, have exhausted yourself preparing for a major presentation, having been reading x-rays and client charts all day, entering strings of data & codes... *you're* mind is fried! Their's... is not. (Much to your chagrin and probably their's.) They might *wish* they were tired - it's evening, and they've got *all this energy*! Or ... like myself, they've been up all night on blogs... replying to all the great ideas and questions others are proposing! And it *just* gives them a rush... like it gives your neighbor to complete the dinner rush at the restaurant where they work. OR the guy who has just finished detailing some resolution for a problem he fixed that day at work. Motivation, energy focus, spin-off, release!

Try this... "Hey! I wasn't finished!"

Try this... "Can I finish first while I've got the thought in my mind?" Then you can tell me your's!" (Unless they are simply selfish, they will probably understand this type of talk.)

Or... "Shifting gears now!" (To redirect the conversation.)

Or... "Can we put this conversation in reverse for a minute? I wasn't quite finished." (And when you're done... ) "Okay! Now I'm finished - your turn!" (It seems so elementary, but isn't that how we're taught when we're younger - to raise our hand and/or to wait our turn? Employ those elementary methods... see if they work!)

Okay... just some points of perspective from the other side... some of us are simply reaching out... will you reach back and accept us for the love-gushing folks (some of us) we are??? Or will you cut out our great big hearts, withdrawing as if we've sliced into your life more than you'd ever have wanted to have become acquainted?

Love is patient and kind. Give and it shall be given to you.

Also a great book... The (Five) Love Languages (or one of it's versions) by Gary Chapman. Very interesting book!

Okay... I'm done now. LOL. Your turn.
I'm sure you burned a lot of calories typing all that, it was funny though!
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Old 02-27-2008, 06:37 PM
 
338 posts, read 1,170,531 times
Reputation: 215
What would be ironic ... would be how the individuals would rate each person here if those about whom each person here was frustrated by, angry with, criticizing, walking away from, hung up the phone upon, avoided, called Psychic Vampires, judged by other name-calling or generalized overtures, etc. would receive a copy of your post. I wonder how they'd feel or what they'd say of *you*? Would it be a compliment, a criticism, or a curse? Would they consider you a burden or a blessing?

Just wondering...
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Old 02-28-2008, 07:45 AM
 
Location: Under the SUNNY WARM SUN ....
14,939 posts, read 9,868,195 times
Reputation: 17503
Life is a two way street. Conversations should be two-way, not one on stage
and the other is an audience.
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Old 02-28-2008, 04:07 PM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,978 posts, read 28,280,672 times
Reputation: 10491
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo View Post
I was married to someone like this! He was a gun collector, so if someone happened to ask about one gun, he would then go into:

1. The history of this gun - how he got it, how much he paid, how he reloads, etc.
2. The history of every other gun he ever owned.
3. The history of reloading and guns in general.
4. Why the NRA was the best agency ever, blah blah blah...

I got to the point where I automatically tuned him out. Of course, if there was anything important in the one-sided conversation, I usually missed it! That led to accusations of, "I told you that already!"

And yes, he was someone you could also do the "put the phone down, go to the bathroom, then run to the convenience store for a couple of things, come back, and he'd STILL be talking!!!" thing with.

The good news is that I'll never again end up with someone like him, because people who talk too much now are an immediate turnoff!
Wait a minute!! I think you are my ex-wife. Sounds exactly like she would describe me to someone.
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Old 03-15-2008, 09:32 AM
 
1,050 posts, read 2,782,274 times
Reputation: 1170
Angry A long time friend who asked for advice about her listening skills

I have a friend who I can describe as an "energy zapper". She can overpower a conversation, and I have come to believe she is somewhat of a narcissist. Can be very self absorbed, but I like her anyway. We have always confided in eacy other, but as you can guess her problems are always the topic. There is so much I could say about this woman, but I need to get right to the point. There is a group of us who meet every week-4 of us. She has had a difficult relationship with her daughter most of her life. The daughter recently became a mother herself. Things have been getting bad between the two of them and the other day my friend asked us if we thought she didn't listen. Her daughter wanted her to ask us this question. I immediatedly said "no you don't". The other three joined in with me and we tried to explain -very tactfully that she will talk and then some else may may come in with something else to say, but it always comes back to her and her problems. I myself have been going thru a difficult time with an older son, She knows and has listened to me and helped. but last week was an important day. He had a hearing about a DUI, and we were going to hear the sentencing-turned out good for my son and he is getting his life back together at last. BUT......she had several opportunities to ask me what happened and she has not. I think that is what hurt me the most......my problems are just not as important. I talked to her yesterday on the phone and she told be how hurt she was about our "attack" on her..I now feel guilty. We will see all again next week. The other two gals agree that out friend will NEVER admit to being wrong. Hence the problems with her daughter which we are all trying to help her with because otherwise she will not have the opportunities to see and enjoy her grandson. Any advice as to patch up this friendship-which we all want to do? We have know in the past that she can dish out the critisim, but will not see her wrongdoings.
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Old 10-21-2008, 03:24 PM
 
2 posts, read 6,827 times
Reputation: 13
Default Creepy Team Lead

I have the bad luck of working under a team lead who just can't shut up. Whenever he talks to you, he manages to come across as arrogant and condescending. He is petty, rude and self-absorbed. He is extremely loud, obnoxious and full of stupid jokes. Wow, he seems to think everyone loves him. He is such a bore! He makes a point of talking to anyone and everyone, not like they are equals, but more like they are a stupid child... Every time I see him coming my way, I secretly cringe. He's one of the most bizarre people I have known. He shakes a finger at me or reprimands me whenever he gets the chance. Nobody in the place likes him, but I think he's too out of touch with reality to realize that nobody likes to be talked at like they are two years old!

So people, if you read this and realize that I described you, you might want to be aware that people are probably laughing behind your back!!!
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Old 10-21-2008, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Florida
7,269 posts, read 9,066,213 times
Reputation: 6011
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo View Post
you could also do the "put the phone down, go to the bathroom, then run to the convenience store for a couple of things, come back, and he'd STILL be talking!!!"
I've done that too!

Thing is about people who go on and on, they really do not annoy me that much, I find it rather entertaining actually . . . and I am all about being entertained.

It's just the 20,000 worded individual posts that do me in and kill me.
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