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Old 09-27-2010, 01:16 AM
 
46 posts, read 106,618 times
Reputation: 36

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well, I figure if I send them a letter *now*, they can open it whenever they want.

Sound like a bad idea?

 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:17 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,012 posts, read 29,637,432 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexiss View Post
Female.



It was a first cousin.




I get that, and I do feel bad, but now what? After you are ashamed and as regretful as possible, what comes at the after that? Now they just hate me forever?



It was male/female.



I would LOVE to contact him directly, and I've tried to throughout the years but he refuses to talk to me. The one and only time I tried speak to him face-to-face he said he didn't want to talk about it or deal with it. His mother specifically said he did not want contact with me, and to not try to contact him and that I am no longer invited to any family functions that he attends, which is nearly all of them.

LT stands for "long term".


I didn't mean to leave out any info, please ask and I will try to fill in any blanks.

The experimentation was mostly kissing on and off throughout the years and one time it went further than that. Just one time.
Where the eff did you go when I was 15 LMAO hahahaha

Oh wait, if you had happened to be my cousin, that could be genetics gone wrong.

But I wouldn't worry about it. Your cousin's being a little princess. His mom can forgive you and breastfeed him again
 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:22 AM
 
656 posts, read 2,736,668 times
Reputation: 1202
Well in countries like in the Middle East marrying cousins is actually expected, and often in this very same age group

But here in the West its frowned on, so its kind of a culture thing
To be honest if I had a daughter who had a Sexual experience with her first cousin I would also be a little freaked out. Though I have read that spin the bottle incidences between cousins is more common than you think

I still don't get what your cousins problem is though. He's a 30 year old married man who has kids and now felt he needed to unload this information to his mother
Sounds like he needs to grow a pair. Victim my A#s You where Both old enough and silly enough to know what you where doing

You both needed to keep this a secret, again I don't know what your cousin is thinking Still I understand why a conservative family would want to keep you two separated...but to this level...and after all this time

I really think you just need to let this go. Sounds like you would be better off without that part of the family in your life, especially the Cousin
Still I haven't heard what Your family thinks. I know if I was your father, I would be shocked but Furious at my nephew for dragging this through the mud while playing the victim card
 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:27 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,012 posts, read 29,637,432 times
Reputation: 11309
What? He's 30 now??? Geeeeeez. He might be afraid of his chastity belt. I wish nobody rapes him, he better not go out at night, it's scary out there

They marry cousins in my country too. But it strictly has to be opposite sibling's children. For example, a man's son, the man's sister's daughter. My mom's older brother, he tried so hard to marry one of his daughters to either me or my brother. My Dad rejected it right away. They could have been added to my harem, but my father knew me and my specifications too well in advance, maybe LMAO. After, he knows the genetics in that family LOL
 
Old 09-27-2010, 01:48 AM
 
24,488 posts, read 41,023,198 times
Reputation: 12919
17 and 14. Seriously there's nothing unusual about that. Those are HS ages and don't tell me that as a freshman in HS you didn't hook up with a senior even once or vice versa. Hell, when I was a teen, I didn't care what age anyone was. Just as long as they were developed and hot. So that's enough of the age issue here.

I have a hot cousin for sure. And we get along really well and joke around but I would NEVER do anything with her and I'd imagine she would never let it get to that point either.

I find this all a little odd. It's rare for a guy to be hurt by seeing a chick he's banged. I wonder if his wife is aware and being some sort of puppetmaster here. That's my best guess.

The exception is that he feels that he was molested. But I highly doubt that at 14 he didn't know exactly what was going on. I remember having sex at 14.. I was sleeping with my best friend's sister who was a year younger than me. We both knew what was going on and wanted it.

I side with the OP here. She doesn't deserve this from him. His mother, maybe.. but not him.
 
Old 09-27-2010, 02:30 AM
 
3,622 posts, read 5,580,448 times
Reputation: 4322
It used to be quite common for cousins to marry up until the Civil War when it was discovered the close connections could cause birth defects. Cousin marriage was also common in England as a way to keep property in the family. Pick up any Jane Austen novel and you will find several examples of first cousin romances.

I had an attraction to one of my cousins who I didn't grow up with. He was 2 years older than me. However, although we both felt that there was an understanding it was wrong to explore that.
 
Old 09-27-2010, 03:45 AM
 
Location: Hawaii
1,589 posts, read 2,676,229 times
Reputation: 2157
Alexiss -- I would send a carefully worded letter of apology and then be prepared to respect their wishes if they choose to not have you in their lives.

Your cousin obviously feels that he was victimized.
 
Old 09-27-2010, 04:09 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,454 posts, read 13,393,891 times
Reputation: 7783
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexiss View Post
About 10+ years ago, I fooled around with a family member. I was a teenager, and so was the family member (a couple of years younger). I never - in any way - forced myself on that family member, we were both consenting. My family member has now decided to tell his mother (she and I were very close) and now they say I can never come over to their house or be a part of their family anymore. He's now an adult with children and doesn't even live at home anymore (obviously). I am so sad this happened. Do you think they'll ever forgive me?

If you were his family, please tell me exactly what your thoughts and feelings would be. They won't talk to me, so I can't even begin to know how to approach them.

Please help. I am devastated about this. I was very close with them and I feel terrible about this (possibly lifelong) separation.
Are you from Tasmania?
 
Old 09-27-2010, 06:12 AM
 
Location: Canada
3,430 posts, read 4,320,035 times
Reputation: 2186
Lets say the OP was a male and at 17 slept with his 14 year old female cousin? I bet there would be a lot of people on here who would be less accepting.
It borders on child molestation as the OP was practically and adult when she slept with him. I don't blame the parents for having trouble accepting this.
 
Old 09-27-2010, 06:25 AM
 
37,477 posts, read 45,713,006 times
Reputation: 56975
So, you are saying that at the age of 17, you had sex with your 14 year old cousin? Yeesh. I have a jillion cousins, and though there are many of them that I saw less often than yearly, the thought of fooling around with one of them would never have occurred. ( Being Christian has nothing to do with it by the way. I hate it when people play that card.) What you did was wrong in the eyes of most people, so it's a tough pill to swallow for his parents. I understand them being uncomfortable around you now. I expect it will take a long long time for them to be able to look at you and NOT think of you with their son. Sorry, I'm not judging, but that's just the way it is.

All that said, the guy is JUST NOW deciding to "unburden" his guilt??? He should be way past this now. Frankly, it sounds to me like the guy has never gotten over his own shame about this, and this is his way to deal with it. Nothing you can do at this point to help him. Personally, I think he needs some counseling. You can write a letter (I agree to wait a couple of weeks) and then just let it lay. It is what it is. Some things can't be undone.
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